Committed
by Mike Yamiolkoski
Summary: Nothing can tear a family apart like bringing them together.
1. Introduction

**COMMITTED  
  
**a **Daria** fanfic by**  
Mike Yamiolkoski  
**  
  
**INTRODUCTION:**

This is a post-IICY story, taking place in the summer after Daria and Jane's graduation. Readers should be familiar with the events of the final Daria movie and the series in general. In addition, readers should have read my fanfic "The Next Step" which deals with the first week of the summer. For those who have not yet read that story or just need a quick refresher, I have provided a summary below. Naturally, the summary contains **spoilers**, so if you have not read "The Next Step" and would prefer to read it unspoiled, then read no further! Though I have written other stories, it is not necessary to read them in order to enjoy this one (I do ask that you read them anyway).

Just to clarify, this story is not about someone getting sent away to a mental hospital.

This is a very long story, so get comfortable. I deeply appreciate feedback and welcome comments of all kinds.

  
One final note: I am posting this story one chapter at a time, but I will not leave it hanging unfinished. The story is complete and safely stored on my hard drive. I an simply posting it in sections to draw out the interest.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**THE STORY SO FAR:  
**(This is your final spoiler warning!)

Following his breakup with Daria, Tom finds that he is unable to let go of their relationship and follows Daria around in an attempt to get her to reconsider, thus angering Daria and driving a further wedge between them. Meanwhile, Jane must deal with the fact that her parents haven't set aside any money for her to go to college, and the members of Mystic Spiral have moved into the Lane house. Quinn is discovering that she is outgrowing her Fashion Club friends, and that they have nothing in common outside their pursuit of style and popularity.

Eventually, Quinn and Jane are able to convince Tom that his efforts are counterproductive, and he moves up to college early in order to put some distance between himself and Daria and "get over her". Tom's sister Elsie is fairly impressed with Quinn's handling of her brother, and expresses dismay over her own limited experience in dealing with people (particularly boys). Jane gets a job working at Cashman's doing windows to pay for her schooling, and Quinn resigns herself to the fact that she'll have to deal with her friends' limitations – though Jane's unique displays at the mall add a touch of interest to her shopping that wasn't there before.

Our next story begins twenty-five years in the past…


	2. Part One

**COMMITTED   
  
**a **Daria** fanfic   
by**  
Mike Yamiolkoski**  
  
  
  
**  
  
PROLOGUE:  
  
**Cape Cod, Massachusetts  
June 26, 1975

**  
  
  
EXT: CLIFF OVERLOOKING BEACH**

_A small gathering of people is present for the commitment ceremony of Jake Morgendorffer and Helen Barksdale. Jake and Helen themselves are present, of course, as are their friends Willow and Coyote (and their dog Leary) and several others from Helen and Jake's band of flower children. People that are noticeably absent are an officiator and family from either side. The setting is completely unadorned and natural except for two large clay urns that issue smoke, the blankets that people are sitting on, and two decorated Volkswagen mini-buses that are parked some distance away._

_Helen and Jake step close to each other and take one another by the hands._

**HELEN & JAKE:** _(speaking together)_ Under an open sky and upon sacred ground, I acknowledge the oneness of the universe. May the cosmic forces bless our union and make it a journey of enlightenment.

_Helen accepts a flower and leaf garland from Willow and places it on Jake's head. She seems very happy, mellow, and content to be right where she is, not the power-driven Helen of the future._

**HELEN:** I pledge my commitment to your growth and self-realization. I respect your beingness. I recognize your personhood. I promise to get out of the way and let you discover who you are. I will not get on your case or nag.

_Jake takes a similar garland from Coyote, and places it on Helen's head with trembling hands. He seems to be ready to cry tears of joy any second._

**JAKE:** I place this garland upon your crown as a symbol of the never-ending circle of life and death - a journey we shall take together. Merging lives is a pretty big deal. _(he swallows hard, and his voice becomes hoarse with emotion)_ I pledge that I have thought this thing out and really want to do it.

_Jake sighs with relief at having gotten through his vows. Helen gazes at him with loving and understanding eyes._

**HELEN & JAKE:** _(together) _We will raise our children to be independent spirits, free from oppressive rules and society's expectations - an organic expression of our physical love.

_As if on cue, a flock of seagulls rises up behind them and flies overhead. Everyone takes a moment to appreciate this miracle of nature before Helen and Jake continue._

**HELEN & JAKE:** Let us begin this karmic adventure. In the presence of friends and trees, we take each other as man and woman.

**EVERYONE:** THE REVOLUTION BEGINS WITH US!

_With that, Helen and Jake kiss enthusiastically and everyone cheers for the happy couple. Helen and Jake scarcely have time to break apart from each other before they are taken up by a group hug from all their friends present (about two dozen people)_

**COYOTE:** Okay, let me get some pictures! _(he pulls out an old Brownie camera and sets up a tripod)_

**WILLOW:** I want you both to know how happy we all are for you. If there were ever souls that the fates destined for one another, you are it!

**COYOTE:** Okay, hold hands and smile! _(he takes a picture)_ Groovy, now one where you're looking at each other! _(he takes another one)_ Far out!

**FLOWER: ** _(another friend)_ Hey guys, I have your vows here, you should come over and sign them! It's on hemp-fiber paper so it'll last forever, just like your love for each other.

**HELEN:** That is so cosmic, Flower.

_Jake signs first, then steps back and gives the quill to Helen._

**COYOTE: ** Man, you need to sign your sign! You want the stars in on this one, brother.

**JAKE:** Oh, yeah! _(he adds "Capricorn")_

_Helen signs as well, writing "Helen Barksdale, Cancer"_

**WILLOW:** See? Capricorn and Cancer. It's in the stars, you're soulmates.

**EVERYONE:** _(murmuring)_ Mmm... soulmates... groovy, man...

**COYOTE:** Let me just get one more picture, man, and then we'll head down to the beach and celebrate the joining!

_Everyone starts heading down the cliffside to the beach, some of them stripping off all their clothes as they do. Helen and Jake don't notice - they only have eyes for each other. Coyote snaps a picture..._

**PART ONE:  
  
**Lawndale  
June 20, 2000 

  
**  
  
INT: HELEN'S OFFICE**

_Fade in on the picture on Helen's desk that Coyote took in the last scene, which suddenly gets knocked and flattened by a stray hand that turns out to be Helen's._

_As the view zooms out, we see that Helen is doing her usual pacing and ranting. She doesn't notice that she's knocked the picture off her desk._

**HELEN: ** _(on the phone)_ I don't have the transcription from the State vs. ChemTech case, they misspelled my name on my stationery again – that's the third damn time – and which moron scheduled lunch meetings for three different clients in succession? Exactly how much lunch am I expected to eat?

_Helen's boss Eric comes bursting in._

**ERIC: ** Hey! Great news – we got the Pharmacon case! I'll need you to get on it first thing tomorrow morning. We're talking big leagues here, Helen; Pharmacon reported earnings in ten figures last year, and this case promises to drag on for months in litigation! We're gonna be burning the midnight oil for a while – hope you're up for it, Tiger!

**HELEN: ** _(puts the phone down)_ You know I am! But I do hope you haven't forgotten that it's my 25th wedding anniversary next week, and I put in my request for Tuesday afternoon off six months ago.

**ERIC: ** Oh Helen, I'm not trying to pressure you in any way. I want you to spend time with your husband; after all, we're a firm that supports the institution of the family. I just want you to realize that this is literally our biggest case for the past three years! Believe me, you'll want a piece of this one. Remember, I told you you're on the fast track for partnership. Don't derail the train!

**HELEN: ** Of course not, Eric! I'm sure I can make time to take care of whatever needs doing.

**ERIC: ** That's my go-getter! Oh, I happened to pass by H.R. on the way here. _ (he passes over a stack of forms)_ We're changing insurance companies again. And don't worry about next week, we have a meeting Monday morning with the head of Pharmacon but Tuesday's just for busy work. You'll have plenty of time to spend with good ol' Jack.

**HELEN: ** That's Jake.

**ERIC: ** Sure. Well, back to work then!

**HELEN: ** _(thumbs-up and smiling)_ Back to work! _ (the smile drops off her face instantly)_ All right then, it's crunch time! I'll need to clear my meeting schedule for the next week, and find some wet-behind-the-ears intern to take over the ChemTech case. Marianne, get on the phone with these jokers and pick up where I left off, and make sure you cancel at least two out of those three lunches. And will somebody find out why the hell we can't get our stationery right around here? You know, no one ever misspelled my name before I got married...

  
  
  
**INT: JAKE'S OFFICE**

_Jake's office is a lot quieter than Helen's. Indeed, the only noise present is the slight squeaking of the Rubik's Cube that Jake is manipulating._

**JAKE: ** Damn 80's nostalgic puzzle! Why the can't you buy the little booklet that tells you how to solve this crappy thing? You'd think that if the damn cubes are still around, someone would be publishing the book!

_The phone rings just as Jake manages to pinch his finger in the cube._

**JAKE: ** OWW!! Dammit! _ (he shakes his hand for a moment, sucking on his injured finger, then picks up the phone)_ Jake Morgendorffer consulting, Jake Morgendorffer speaking!

**HELEN: ** Oh hello, Jakey. I was hoping I could ask you a favor, seeing as you're not too busy.

**JAKE:** _ (a bit indignant)_ What makes you think I'm not busy? I might have clients out the door!

**HELEN: ** Do you?

**JAKE: ** _(sheepish)_ No.

**HELEN: ** Well, don't worry about it, I'm about to get more work than I know what to do with. Actually, I was hoping you could help by filling out some health insurance forms. I'll fax them over to you, all right?

**JAKE: ** Um… sure! You know you can count on me!

**HELEN: ** Just try to get the girls' birthdays right this time. Remember, Daria's the older one, Quinn's the younger one.

**JAKE: ** Right. Two kids. Got it.

**HELEN: ** Jake…

**JAKE: ** It was a joke, Helen!

**HELEN: ** Oh. Yes, I suppose it was, even you couldn't get that one wrong.

**JAKE: ** Hey!

**HELEN: ** Jake, I'm really awfully busy, could you just take care of these forms and we'll joke together later?

**JAKE: ** _(petulant)_ Fine.

**HELEN: ** Oh, don't be that way, Jakey. _ (seductive)_ Remember that lacy little item in the back of the closet that I didn't wear last year on our anniversary? I think this might be a good time to get it back out…

**JAKE: ** _(grinning)_ Rowr…

**** **HELEN: ** That's my man… Anyway, I'm afraid I'll be late tonight, a huge case just got dropped into my lap and I'll have to get a jump start on it if we're going to be able to go out Tuesday like we planned. Gotta run! _ (hangs up)_

**JAKE: ** Oh, Helen, one other thing… _ (sighs)_ never mind.

_The fax machine rings_

**JAKE: ** Ahh! What the hell was that?

_The fax machine answers and starts spitting out paper._

**JAKE: ** Wow… so that's the fax machine!!

  
  
  
**INT: DARIA'S ROOM**

_Daria is on the phone with Jane. Spilt-screen reveals Jane is on a pay phone at the Mall._

**JANE: ** So, how'd your interview go?

**DARIA: ** Pretty good. I am now Wallen & Shane Publishing Company's newest intern. Or, in other words, I get to give them twenty hours a week for free, and they sign a paper that says I learned stuff, and Mom gets my first semester's tuition paid for. This has the added bonus of keeping me from making enough money to buy a car this summer.

**JANE: ** Gotta love the system. So, when do you start?

**DARIA: ** Next Monday.

**JANE: ** Aw, hell. I had Monday off. I was hoping we could get together for the day and hang out.

**DARIA: ** Well, how late are you at the Mall tonight?

**JANE: ** It's hard to say. I'm doing the men's department windows, and they always feel that they have to be a bit more wild than the women's department. That pretty much translates into an extra hour of work. I'm going for a "running screaming from an invading UFO" motif – they're having a sale on businesswear, and so I figured I'd have aliens attack a city and make all the executives run for their lives. One of the mannequins is melting under a heat lamp as we speak.

**DARIA: ** Oh. I like that.

**JANE: ** Thought you might. The hard part has been setting up a fan powerful enough to blow the jackets back, but not so strong that it blows the cardboard skyscrapers over. Anyway, I think I'll be here until at least ten o'clock. Too late to go for pizza.

**DARIA: ** Tell you what. I'll come down and give you some support.

**JANE: ** You're coming to a mall to see me? Daria, I had no idea our friendship meant so much to you!

**DARIA: ** Later. _ (she hangs up the phone, get up, puts on her jacket, and heads out.)_

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_Daria's heading out the door, when Quinn runs up to stop her._

**QUINN: ** _(friendly)_ Hey, Daria! What are you up to?

**DARIA: ** Not that it's any of your business, but I'm going to see Jane.

**QUINN: ** At the mall?

**DARIA: ** Yes, Quinn, at the mall. And no, I can't give you a ride, because I have no car. If you hurry, though, we could take the bus together. You like the bus, don't you?

**QUINN: ** Hey, I have an idea! Why don't I call a friend and we can both get a ride to the Mall together!

**DARIA: ** As delicious as the idea of spending time with you and any of your friends sounds, I believe I'll take my chances on the bus with the homeless drunks and the mentally ill.

**QUINN: ** Um… Daria?

**DARIA: ** _(getting a bit impatient)_ Yes, Quinn?

**QUINN: ** I just… _ (sighs)_ never mind.

**DARIA: ** I never do. _ (she leaves)_

  
  
  
**INT: MALL FOOD COURT**

_Daria is sitting over a plate of cheese fries, eating them without much interest._

**JANE:** Yo!

_Daria looks up. Jane approaches the table._

**DARIA:** Hello, person who looks like Jane. The real Jane was going to be here almost an hour ago, so I know you can't be her.

**JANE:** Hey, it's not easy to transform a folding conference table, a dress rack, and a couple of hubcaps into a UFO on short notice. God, I'm starving.

**DARIA:** Starving artist. I get it.

**JANE:** _(stuffing her face with cheese fries)_ You know what, I think I know why artists are all starving. It's not just that we don't have any money, it's that we don't stop to eat. _(she steals Daria's soft drink and guzzles it)_ Now that I've consumed your dinner, mind if we get some seconds? My treat.

**DARIA: ** Your generosity overwhelms me.

**JANE:** Hey, I might as well take advantage of the five percent mall employee discount.

_They get up and get in line for one of the food outlets._

**JANE:** So, tell me more about this internship.

**DARIA:** There isn't much to tell, yet. One of my scholarship applications required an internship. Normally I wouldn't have bothered with it, but it's for more money than the rest of them put together, and if I can score this one, my mom might loosen up the purse strings enough to let me get a car.

**JANE:** You're very hip on this car idea lately, aren't you? I thought you didn't particularly want one. One more thing to worry about and suck up your pocket money, and so forth.

**DARIA:** Well, I hear it's such a pleasure to drive around in Boston. The other drivers are all so courteous and polite, and the roads clearly marked and easily followed. I just want a way around town, that's all.

**JANE:** You're not seeing a new guy already, are you? Oh-la-la...

**DARIA:** Prepare to be badly hurt, Lane.

**JANE:** Come on, the longer you don't tell me the more curious I get, until finally I'll do something drastic and stupid to find out, and you'll wish you'd just saved us both a lot of aggravation and told me in the first place. So let's just skip a few steps.

**DARIA:** All right, but I'm telling you under protest.

**JANE:** Now I'm really interested.

_They've got their food by now, and go sit down._

**DARIA:** You have to promise not to hold this against me.

**JANE:** I so promise. Now spill.

**DARIA:** Well, it's a little difficult to take the three buses between Boston and Lawndale, so I figured it would be nice to have my own wheels and that way I could come and go as I pleased.

**JANE:** Why Daria, are you telling me you're actually going to miss this place? Or is it your family's home cooking?

**DARIA:** Lawndale? You've got to be kidding. And as for the family, I've been dying to get some time away from them for years. Especially Quinn._ (deep breath)_ No, I think there's only one particular person I'll miss enough to make that sort of drive on a regular basis.

_There's an awkward pause._

**JANE:** Aw, crap. Now how am I going to swallow this food past the big lump in my throat?

**DARIA:** Just pretend it's my food, you got that down okay without even chewing it.

_Unnoticed by Daria and Jane, a girl sitting behind them gets up from her empty table and walks away. When she turns back to look, we see that it's Quinn, dressed incognito in her baseball cap and sunglasses. She looks upset and a little angry._

  
  
  
** INT: MORGENDORFFER KITCHEN**

_Jake is working on the Health Insurance forms at the kitchen table._

**JAKE:** "Has anyone in your family ever had heart problems?" Damn straight, my old man suffered from a lack of one!

_The door opens and shuts out in the living room. Quinn walks into the kitchen and slumps into a chair._

**JAKE:** Hey, Quinn! Do you know if anyone in the family ever had a cataract?

**QUINN:** Grandma Ruth does, I think. Oh, never mind, that's an Oldsmobile.

**JAKE:** Huh?

**QUINN:** Never mind. _ (she sighs)_

**JAKE:** Something wrong, sweetie?

**QUINN:** No.

**JAKE:** Oh, okay! _ (he returns to the forms)_

_Quinn sits looking depressed for a long time before Jake looks up again._

**JAKE:** Um, Quinn... I'm not very good at this sort of thing, but it really looks like something is wrong...

**QUINN:** _(angry)_ I'm FINE!!

**JAKE:** _(flinching)_ Okay! _ (he returns to the paperwork)_

**QUINN:** _(sighs again) _ I'm sorry, Daddy.

**JAKE:** About what?

**QUINN:** Daddy, you know how we see Aunt Rita and Aunt Amy every once in a while, and we send them Christmas cards, and stuff?

**JAKE:** _(wary)_ Er... yes, I guess we do that.

**QUINN:** Well, how come we never hear from Uncle Dave? I mean, the only time I've ever even seen him was when cousin Doug got married, and he didn't even recognize me, remember? Oh wait, you had that sudden upset stomach and couldn't go to the wedding.

**JAKE:** Um... well, you see Quinn, your Uncle Dave and I learned after a while that we just get along better if we don't see each other too often. You know, like, once every twenty years or so.

**QUINN:** Don't you miss him, though?

**JAKE:** _(obviously lying)_ Well... sure! But, you know, life goes on, we drifted apart, and that's how the ball bounces sometimes!

**QUINN:** You two didn't get along when you were kids, did you?

**JAKE:** _(sweating)_ W-what makes you think that? Of course we got along! I mean, as well as brothers ever do! Sort of...

**QUINN:** Never mind, Daddy.

**JAKE:** _(relieved)_ Great!

**QUINN:** Just... do you think that two sisters - er, I mean siblings - who didn't get along so well as kids might be able to do it as adults, even if one of them didn't really want to?

**JAKE:** _(looking a little pale)_ Y-you haven't been talking to Uncle Dave or anything, have you?

**QUINN:** _(frustrated)_ Just forget I mentioned it, Dad. _ (she leaves the room)_

**JAKE:** Er... Okay! _(returns to his paperwork)_ Hmm... "If this coverage is to extend to spouse, please attach copy of marriage license or other proof of legal marriage; also, attach birth certificates for children"... Now I wonder where we might have put that stuff? Damn legal crap, why did I marry a lawyer if I have to take care of this!

  
  
**_ Next Monday..._**

  
  
** INT: HELEN'S OFFICE**

_Helen is on the phone while Marianne types._

**HELEN:** Look, I don't care what it takes, I don't care how late we have to stay here or how much coffee we need to pour down our throats to keep running, but we will be ready for that meeting! This is the biggest case this firm has ever had and we'd damn well better treat it like that! Now if you're done making excuses, I have another call. _(clicks over - her voice is suddenly saccharine)_ Helloooo, Helen Morgendorffer. _(pause)_ What? What's wrong with it? _(pause - then, in a much lower voice) _I might have known... no, I'll clear up this little mix-up right away! _(hangs up, then dials another number)_

  
  
  
**INT: JAKE'S OFFICE**

_Jake has set up an elaborate collection of pencils, rulers, and other office supplies across his desk. Squinting carefully along several different angles, he reaches out and taps the end of a pen. The pen flips up and tosses a quarter into the air, which hits a row of "JAKE MORGENDORPHER CONSULTING" matchbooks (name misspelled), which topple like dominoes, pushing a business card into an electric hole puncher, which shakes a delicately balanced paperweight, which slides down a ruler and strikes a teaspoon, flinging a sugar cube into the air to land in Jake's coffee mug._

**JAKE:** YES!! Hah!

_He takes a celebratory swig of his coffee, then makes a face._

**JAKE:** Eww! This stuff gets cold after a few hours.

_The phone rings. Jake jumps to pick it up, spilling his coffee on his desk._

**JAKE:** Dammit!

_Split-screen with -_

**HELEN:** If that's how you answer all your calls, no wonder business is slow.

**JAKE:** Oh, hi honey! I just spilled my coffee, you know -

**HELEN:** Jake, why on Earth did you enclose a copy of our commitment vows in the health insurance application?

**JAKE:** Well Helen, it said to attach a copy of our marriage license, and I couldn't find it anywhere, so I figured that was the next best thing!

**HELEN:** This is a legal matter, Jake! Our commitment vows don't qualify as a legally binding document! Besides, the entire H.R. department is snickering about it.

**JAKE:** Oh! Sorry, honey. So, where  is our marriage license?

** HELEN:** Well, it's - _(__Helen suddenly turns more than a little pale...)_

  
**_FLASHBACK_**

_Helen and Jake are curled up together inside a small cave at the beach, a campfire crackling in front of them. Their blanket is pulled up just barely high enough to cover what would have been covered if they were wearing any clothes._

**HELEN:** Oh Jakey, I feel so complete with you...

**JAKE:** Me too, Helen. I don't think I've ever felt so in-tune...

**HELEN:** I can't believe we even considered going to a Justice of the Peace. This was way more meaningful than some sterile civil ceremony, and so much better than Rita's self-indulgent limousines and her cheesy lighted dance floor and damned catered dinner and I could KILL that sister of mine for using up the entire budget for our wedding!

**JAKE:** Helen, Helen, relax! Listen to the waves; let that sound soothe your soul, baby. Besides, who needs all that legal crap; blood tests, marriage licenses, state-recognized officiators... marriage isn't about signing forms or big materialistic weddings with lousy cake and cheap champagne, it's about two people whom the stars have destined to be together.

**HELEN: ** Oh, Jakey...

_They roll over and "honeymoon" some more..._

**_END FLASHBACK_**

  
_Helen still has the same look on her face._

**JAKE:** Honey? Are you still there?

**HELEN:** Jake - we may have a problem.

  
  
  
** INT: MORGENDORFFER KITCHEN**

_Later that same night, Helen and Jake are sitting in the kitchen with lost, shocked looks on their faces, not drinking the coffee in front of them._

**JAKE:** So... what do we do now?

**HELEN:** I'm not sure, Jake.

_Unbeknownst to them, Daria has just come down the stairs and is heading toward the kitchen. She stops in the doorway when she hears..._

**JAKE: ** Is there some lawyer trick you can pull to make it legal retroactively, you know, as if we've been, er, legal since then?

**HELEN:** Well, yes, but it would take a while. There's an enormous amount of paperwork to fill out and it would all be a matter of public record. I'd like to try and keep this quiet. And imagine if the girls found out... they'd be devastated!

_Daria is so intrigued at this point that she doesn't notice Quinn coming up behind her._

**QUINN:** Daria, what -

**DARIA:** Shh!

**HELEN:** What was that?

_Daria gives Quinn a glare and then steps out._

**DARIA:** Hi, mom. Hi, Dad.

**JAKE: ** Oh, Daria! It's all right, you weren't really conceived in sin! It was a beautiful moment of sharing and tenderness and -

**DARIA:** Dad, are you deliberately trying to give me nightmares for the rest of my life and preclude any possibility whatsoever of grandchildren? What the hell is this all about?

_Helen gives Jake a glare very similar to the one Daria just gave Quinn._

**HELEN:** Girls, come in and sit down.

_They do._

**HELEN:** It seems that there's been a bit of a... how shall I put this?

**DARIA:** Based on what I overheard, which admittedly isn't much, I'd lean towards "screw-up".

**HELEN:** Daria!

**QUINN:** Will one of you just say what's going on? It's late and I need to get my beauty sleep!

**JAKE:** Your mother and I, well...

**HELEN:** Oh God, how can we put this?

**QUINN:** Wait a minute. You're not going to have another baby, are you? I really don't think I could handle being the middle child, Mom! I read a book once that says the middle child has the hardest burden and always gets ignored and I don't think I could make that adjustment at this point in my life!

**JAKE:** Oh, no! Another child born out of wedlock? My poor mother's going to have a stroke!

**HELEN:** Jake!

**DARIA:** "Out of wedlock"? Did you two get divorced and forget to tell us? If so, I'd like to point out that I am over eighteen and therefore the only custody battle that needs to take place is over Quinn. Of course, Mom's got all the lawyers on her side and will undoubtably win, so I'd suggest we just give her to Dad now and avoid a lengthy legal dispute that will only serve to deplete my college fund.

**HELEN:** We did not get divorced!

**JAKE:** Yeah! We would have had to be married in the first place to do that!

**HELEN:** JAKE!!

_Silence all around._

**QUINN: ** _(small voice)_ Dad's just confused again, isn't he Mom? Please say he is!

**HELEN:** _(sighs)_ No, he's not, unfortunately. I just found out that our commitment ceremony wasn't legally binding. I'm afraid that, under the law, we aren't actually married and never have been.

**QUINN:** What??!?

**DARIA:** Excuse me, Mom, but that doesn't make sense on a lot of levels. You are a lawyer, aren't you? How did you miss something like this?

**HELEN:** Well, I wasn't a lawyer at the time, Daria! And by the time I got into law school, I was so used to thinking of your father and myself as being married that it simply didn't occur to me to go back and take care of the legalities.

**DARIA:** And the reason you didn't take care of them in the first place was...

**JAKE:** We were kind of different people back then, kiddo. We were trying to shun all the ideas of the materialistic, bureaucratic world. We were married in each other's eyes, we figured that was all that mattered.

**QUINN:** You know, even though you're our parents, I have to admit that sounds really romantic...

**DARIA:** Not the word I would've used, but in the interest of preserving what little family unity we have left, I'll go along with it.

**HELEN:** Daria, our family unity is perfectly intact. Your father and I still love each other very much and nothing has changed that.

**DARIA: ** Whatever you say, Miss Barksdale.

**HELEN:** Daria!

**QUINN: ** So, what are you guys going to do about it? I mean, I can't have unmarried parents, I'm just not the broken-home kind of girl. Daria, maybe, but not me.

_Daria scowls at Quinn, but says nothing._

**HELEN:** Well, we're going to sort it all out, obviously. But in the meantime, I think the easiest thing to do will be for your father and me to get re-married in a simple civil ceremony just to straighten things out for the short term.

**DARIA:** Hear that, Quinn? Mom just endorsed the idea of a quick marriage as an easy solution to a problem. Remember that one, you'll probably need to use it someday.

_Quinn frowns at Daria this time._

**HELEN:** It'll need to be with a judge who doesn't know me, of course, so we'll be leaving town for a day or two sometime in the next couple of weeks. Until then, let's just all try to act as though everything is normal.

**DARIA:** I'm not sure I know how to act that way. I've never experienced such a thing.

**JAKE: ** So, we just get married again? Can we do that?

**DARIA: ** Sure, Dad. Hop a flight to Vegas, book ten minutes in the Little Chapel of the Flowers, and next thing you know you're married and you get ten dollars worth of chips besides.

**JAKE: ** Hey, yeah! Let's go to Vegas, Helen!

**HELEN: ** Don't be ridiculous, Jake! We'll just head across the border to Fremont or something. We can probably take care of the whole thing next weekend.

**DARIA:** Sounds great. Well, I've had my fill of surprises for the night, unless you want to talk about Quinn's having been adopted. I'm off to bed. Gotta get my beauty sleep, you know.

_Daria exits, followed shortly by Quinn._

**JAKE:** Um... Helen? Don't you think it might be kind of fun to have the girls along for this? I mean, they might enjoy seeing their parents get married.

**HELEN:** Jake, we're going to do this as quickly and simply as possible, end of discussion!

**JAKE:** But - _(he withers under Helen's fiery glare)_ Yes, dear.

  
  
  
**INT: STAIRS**

_Daria and Quinn head up the stairs to bed._

**QUINN:** This is so weird. I can't believe Mom and Dad were never really married. It's kind of creepy, you know?

**DARIA: ** Whatever.

**QUINN:** Come on, Daria, you can't just take this in stride like you do everything else. This is major.

**DARIA:** Right now, all I give a crap about is being horizontal and unconscious for the next eight to ten hours, with an option to renew for another two at the end of the lease.

**QUINN:** Daria, why do you always have to talk like such a geek?

**DARIA:** Because it keeps you from wanting to converse with me. _(she enters her room and closes the door)_

**QUINN:** Wait! I didn't mean -

_Quinn stops short of going into Daria's room after her, and goes off to bed with her shoulders slumped._

_A moment later, Daria looks out of her room. Her expression is neutral, but one gets the idea that it's covering up what would be a sadly thoughtful face. Then, as if re-affirming some decision she's already made, Daria shakes her head minutely and ducks back into her room._

  
  
** INT: MORGENDORFFER KITCHEN**

_It's the next morning. Daria rubs her eyes as she comes into the kitchen._

**QUINN:** Hi Daria!

**DARIA:** Aah!!!

**QUINN:** Aah!!!

**DARIA:** _(a little calmer) _Dammit Quinn, don't be so cheerful first thing in the morning! I can only take so much before noon.

**QUINN:** Well excuuuse me! Next time I won't make you any damn coffee.

**DARIA:** Who says there's going to be a next - you made coffee?

**QUINN:** Mm-hm. You like it with two sugars and cream, right?

**DARIA:** _(wary)_ Um... close enough. _(she takes the coffee cup and sits down)_

**QUINN:** I just thought we could, you know, chit-chat a little before you go off to your internship and I go do whatever I'm going to do today.

**DARIA:** What do you want?

**QUINN:** Daria, can't a sister just sit and talk to her sister without having an agenda?

**DARIA:** If it's money, I'm broke. If it's a ride to the mall, Mom and Dad took both cars and I'm not going to wake up Jane at this hour. She worked late last night.

**QUINN:** I don't want anything from you!

**DARIA:** Good, then I can go watch TV.

**QUINN:** _(pouting)_ Why can't we have a simple conversation, Daria?

**DARIA:** Because we don't have that kind of relationship. We're combative, incommunicative and mutually repellant. _ (She sips her coffee)_

**QUINN:** But what if -

_Daria forcefully spits her coffee all over the table, hitting Quinn rather generously._

**QUINN:** EEEEWWWW!!

**DARIA:** Augh!! Ugh!!!! What the hell is in this coffee?

**QUINN:** Oh God, it's all over me!

_Daria dips in her spoon and scrapes a heavy glop of grounds off the bottom of the cup._

**DARIA:** Quinn, where did you get the idea that I prefer my coffee sliced?

**QUINN:** It's not my fault! The directions must be messed up! It said to use two scoops of grounds!

**DARIA:** That's two scoops to a pot, you moron. And haven't you ever heard of coffee filters?

**QUINN:** Hey, I've never made coffee by myself before! I think I did a pretty good job for my first time!

**DARIA:** If only your first time crossing the street had met with similar success...

**QUINN:** Ohh!!_ (she pushes away from the table and stomps out of the kitchen)_

_Daria glares after her, and then gets up and scoops the ooze from her coffee cup down the drain._

  
  
  
** INT: DARIA'S ROOM**

_It's about two hours later. Daria's talking on the phone._

**DARIA:** So, how'd the window come out?

**JANE:** One of my finest works. The ladies' department is green with envy. They want me to top it by next weekend, so I'm thinking I'll do something with swimwear. That reminds me, can I borrow your tape of "Jaws 3-D" for inspiration?

**DARIA:** Take it and keep it.

_Unbeknownst to Daria, Quinn has come by her room and stops just outside the door, listening._

**JANE:** No thanks, someone might stumble across it and think it's mine. So, anything new with you?

**DARIA:** You might say that. _(pause)_ Hmm, I don't even know where to begin on this one.

**JANE:** That juicy, huh?

**DARIA:** Try this: My parents have been living in sin for the past twenty-five years. In a few days, they celebrate the silver anniversary of the day they didn't get married.

**JANE:** Whoa. That's even more screwed up than my family. My hat's off to you, Morgendorffer.

**DARIA:** You mean, "Barksdale". Anyway, they're planning on going off and getting hitched in a couple of days, just to make everything legal. This time, they'll probably do it without the incense.

**JANE:** Well, you seem to be taking this all in stride.

**DARIA:** I'm actually of the same mind as they are on this, which is scary but true. It's just paperwork. It's not a big deal. Quinn's really got her panties in a wad over it, though.

_Quinn frowns a bit._

**JANE:** Really? How's the little bastard handling it?

**DARIA:** She keeps wanting to talk to me.

**JANE:** The nerve.

**DARIA:** How about I have her go talk to you instead?

**JANE:** Okay, point taken. Listen, it seems to be the story of our lives this summer, but I have to go. Work.

**DARIA:** This summer sucks.

**JANE:** It could be worse. It has been worse.

**DARIA:** And it could be worse than that. Don't ever think you've reached rock bottom. There's always more bottom under the rocks.

**JANE:** You're really missing your calling. You could make a killing writing fortune cookies.

**DARIA:** Later.

_She hangs up. Then she hears a noise outside her door. When she looks, Quinn is already gone._

  
  
  
**INT: QUINN'S ROOM**

_Quinn closes the door, picks up the phone, and stares at it, thinking..._

  
**_ Blur to Quinn's imagination..._**

_  
Split-screen with Sandi._

**QUINN:** Sandi? You wouldn't believe what happened! It turns out my parents were never really married! Can you believe it? My life is over!

**SANDI:** Oh Quinn, that's too, too bad.

**QUINN:** I know! I'm like, all traumatized! I just had to tell someone, I can't go through this by myself!

**SANDI:** Quinn, you know I'm always there for you. If you need to talk to someone, don't hesitate to call.

**QUINN:** You are such a good friend, Sandi!

**SANDI:** I know. Oops, is that my call waiting? Excuse me.

_Sandi hangs up, then dials another number._

**SANDI:** Hello, Operator? Put me through to everyone Quinn's ever known. _(pause)_ Hello, everyone? This is Sandi, Quinn's former acquaintance. I just wanted to let you all know that Quinn has just discovered that she comes from a broken home, and will almost certainly be living in a state of severe depression from now on. Therefore, I will be assuming the duties of the most popular person in Lawndale High. You may all begin groveling to me... now.

_Groveling noises over the phone. Sandi smirks proudly, then begins to laugh loud and wickedly. Lightning flashes over her head -_

_**  
Snap back to reality:**_

**  
QUINN:** No. Bad idea.

_**  
She begins imagining a different scenario...**_

  
_ Split-screen with Stacy._

**QUINN:** So it turns out they were never really married! My life is over!

**STACY:** Oh God, Quinn, that's terrible! _ (tears well up in Stacy's eyes)_

**QUINN:** I know! I'm so glad I have a friend like you to count on at a time like this.

**STACY:** This is so awful, though! How can you even stand it?

**QUINN:** Oh, I'll manage, somehow.

**STACY:** But what if you can't? What if they decide that they just want to stay unmarried and then there's this big custody battle and you turn into this bitter and rebellious freak who wears black leather and listens to death rock and you end up hanging around greasy guys who -

**QUINN:** Um, Stacy, this isn't helping...

**STACY:** - make you get tattoos which you really hate but you get them anyway because it makes your parents angry and that's really all you live for anymore, and then one day you realize that your whole life has just gone straight into the gutter and you just hate yourself and you want to die! Oh God, Quinn, please don't die!!

**QUINN:** Stacy, I'm not dying.

**STACY:** But how? How can you go on this way?? _(she collapses in tears)_

  
**_ Back to reality:_**

**  
QUINN:** Uh-uh.

**_  
Imagining..._**

  
**QUINN:** So they're not really married! What am I going to do?

**TIFFANY:** Bummer, Quinn. So, did you see the new swimsuits at Junior Five?

**QUINN:** Tiffany, I just told you my parents are living in sin and all you can say is "bummer"?

**TIFFANY:** Well, it's a bad thing, isn't it?

**QUINN:** TIFFANY! Of course it's a bad thing!

**TIFFANY:** And I got that... so, why are you yelling at me?

**QUINN:** Never mind, Tiffany. Just never mind.

**TIFFANY:** So, you want to go check out the swimsuits?

  
**_ Reality:_**

**  
QUINN:** My life  so sucks.

_Quinn lies back on her bed, hanging her head backwards over the edge, rubbing her face with exasperation. When she opens her eyes, she sees something that catches her attention. On a small shelf against one wall are a number of pictures in frames. Most of them are of her and her friends, but one small wallet-sized photo hidden way back behind the others shows her and Daria when they were much younger - and one more person, a little taller than Quinn but with the same red hair. Quinn takes the picture and looks at it for a while, and seems to come to a decision. She sits up and dials the phone._

**QUINN:** Hello, Erin? It's your cousin, Quinn.

**  
  
  
END PART ONE  
(to be continued...)**

  
  
  
  
  
  
**DISCLAIMERS: **

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

**Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!**


	3. Part Two

**COMMITTED   
**a **Daria** fanfic 

by**  
Mike Yamiolkoski**  
  
**  
  
PART TWO**

  
  
  
** INT: HELEN'S OFFICE**

_Helen is speaking to several staff members._

**HELEN:** All right everyone, this is it. First, I just want to let you all know how much I appreciate the extra work everyone's been churning out. Thanks to all of you, we are going to go into that meeting ready to kick some serious tail. Just remember that this case is the make-it-or-break-it for this firm, the biggest case we've ever had. We win this one and it could mean a whole new level of clientele for me - er, the firm. So, let's put our best foot forward, keep the professionalism, and -

**ERIC:** Helen!

**HELEN:** Eric! _ (she's annoyed at having been interrupted, but covering well)_ Come to give a little rallying support for the troops? We're all set to go!

**ERIC:** Great, great! Helen, can I borrow you for a moment? _(leads her aside)_ There's this woman out here who won't leave until she talks to you.

**HELEN:** Eric, we're about to go into the Pharmacon meeting, can't it wait?

**ERIC:** She's being a little belligerent. She says that if we won't let her in to see you, she's going to force her way in. She's already accused two of the interns of manhandling her while trying to keep her out. I'd have called security, but she insists that if we tell you who she is that you'll agree to see her.

**HELEN:** _(losing a little cool)_ Who the hell is it?

**VOICE:** _(from outside)_ Let go of me! I need to see Helen!

**HELEN:** Funny, that almost sounds like -

**RITA:** _ (bursting in) _ Helen!

**HELEN:** Rita? What on Earth are you doing here?

**RITA:** Helen! Oh, my poor, poor little sister!

_Rita grabs Helen in a fierce, tearful hug._

**HELEN:** Rita! Rita, you're choking me!

**RITA:** Don't worry Helen, it'll be all right! I'll help you through this! I've been there before, and I won't let you go through it all alone!

_The staff perks up and shows some interest in this unusual display._

**ERIC:** Helen, is there some personal matter you need to attend to?

**HELEN:** No, Eric, it's nothing! Rita, this really isn't a good time!

**RITA:** I know! It always happens at the worst possible time, doesn't it? Your little girl is failing English, the mortgage is two months behind, the dog's been hit by a car, you've got a terrible rash, and then from out of nowhere, your marriage falls apart! Oh Helen, I'm so sorry!

**ERIC:** Hmm... perhaps I should handle the meeting...

**HELEN:** NO! I mean, no, thank you, Eric. Rita, get a hold of yourself! What are you talking about?

**RITA:** Now Helen, it's nothing to be ashamed of! You're a modern woman with her own strength and her own values, and it's no wonder Jake couldn't handle it! You know, to tell you the truth, I never liked him much anyway, you're really better off without him.

**HELEN:** _(seriously agitated)_ RITA!!

_Chuckles from the staff._

**ERIC:** Look, Helen, Mr. Royce is waiting for us. Why don't you sort out this matter and I'll take care of the initial meeting with Pharmacon, all right? We'll just be introducing ourselves and shaking hands at this stage anyway, and it sounds to me like you have a few things to deal with here. Rita, was it? A pleasure to meet you. All right, team, let's go make a great first impression!

**HELEN:** No, wait Eric! It's not what it sounds like! It's not that big a deal! ERIC!!

_Unfortunately, Eric is gone._

**RITA:** Don't worry about that, Helen, it's being taken care of. We need to focus on  you here. Come on, let's go get some lunch together, and you can tell me all about it.

**HELEN:** Rita, do you have any idea what you've done?

**RITA:** It'll be all right, Helen, I promise. Now let's go, everyone's looking at us.

**HELEN:** _(angrily)_ Imagine that.

**RITA:** You know, we really should go talk about this in private.

**HELEN:** You don't say.

**RITA:** I just wish you'd come to me sooner, Helen!

**HELEN:** Rita, if you say one more word, I won't be responsible for my actions.

**RITA:** You need some time to let it sink in. I understand. It can wait until we get to a restaurant.

_Helen allows Rita to lead her out past her snickering, smirking colleagues, looking wistfully back at the conference room where Eric is shaking hands with the President of Pharmacon._

**HELEN:** Why me? Oh God, why me?

**RITA:** Believe me, I know exactly how you feel.

  
  
  
** INT: RESTAURANT**

_Helen and Rita are sitting at a table. Helen has what looks like a glass of water, while Rita is drinking something huge and ornate with a paper umbrella._

**HELEN:** So as you can see, Rita, it really isn't a big deal. It's all a matter of legalities. Jake and I just need to take care of some paperwork that's been overlooked.

**RITA:** "Not a big deal"? Helen, you're getting married, this is wonderful!

**HELEN:** Rita, I got married twenty-five years ago. We just didn't sign all the documents.

**RITA:** Oh, come on, Helen! How many women get the chance to marry their husband all over again at the age of -

**HELEN:** Don't you  dare!

**RITA:** The point is, you've got the chance of a lifetime here! Look, you've always said that you didn't have the money to do your wedding the way you wanted to the first time -

**HELEN:** _(rolling her eyes)_ I wonder why that was?

**RITA:** - and now you can! Besides, think of what it would mean to Mom to finally be able to see you get married, even if it is to Jake.

**HELEN:** Oh, you think she might show up this time? That'd be a switch - wait, what am I saying? Rita, there's not going to be a big wedding, and I'd just as soon Mother not know about this.

**RITA:** Don't be ridiculous, Helen - she's already making arrangements to fly out. Now, you're going to need someone to -

**HELEN:** She's WHAT??

_Helen's outburst draws a fair amount of attention from the other patrons in the restaurant._

**RITA:** Hmm, that reminds me, she's going to need to be told that you and Jake aren't on the rocks after all. Anyway, as I was saying, you're going to need someone to coordinate all this, and fortunately I have a lot of experience in that area, so you can just leave it all to me. _(pause)_ What do you mean, you wonder why that was?

**HELEN:** Rita, just how many people did you tell about this?

**RITA:** Well, there's Mom, and Amy of course, and Uncle Albert was visiting with Mom so he probably got wind of it too, and I assume Erin told that little twit she married, she never could keep her mouth shut.

**HELEN:** I wonder where she gets that from?

**RITA:** Then of course there's the McNeils, I think Mom would have mentioned it to them, and Mrs. Willoughby has probably heard by now and you know that she runs that gossip column and never did have a sense of decorum, so I would imagine that quite a few people will know about it by next Friday.

**HELEN:** Is there anyone you didn't tell?

**RITA:** Come on, Helen, I know this is kind of embarrassing and humiliating and you just want to crawl under a table and die. But now that it's a wedding, isn't it just as well people know about it? _(pause)_ What do you mean, you wonder where she gets that from?

**HELEN:** Rita, I really don't want you to go through all this trouble!

**RITA:** Helen, Helen, it's no trouble at all! Besides, that's what the Maid of Honor is there for. Now come on, there's a million things to do, we need to go find a hall, and get the cake, and pick out a dress, and get a car, and by the way, can I borrow your cell phone? I should probably call and tell Mom that you're not getting divorced. Before Mrs. Willoughby's column goes to press.

_Helen's expression is similar to that of a person who suddenly realizes they're waist-deep in quicksand._

  
  
  
** INT: WALLEN & SHANE PUBLISHING COMPANY, DARIA'S DESK**

_Daria's cubicle is occupied by Daria, her desk, and several large banker boxes labeled "Slush Pile". Daria chucks the manuscript she'd been reading into a large can marked "REJECTS" and takes another one from the box._

**DARIA:** It's a shame, really. All this paper had such great potential. It could have ended up on a little roll in a truck-stop lavatory. _(reading)_ "The Dark and Stormy Night." Oh yeah, this one's gonna be a real page-turner.

_The phone rings._

**DARIA:** _(picks it up)_ Wallen and Shane, Daria speaking. _(pause)_ Hi, Mom. _(pause)_ She is? I thought you and Dad were going to keep this quiet. _(pause)_ Uh-huh. Well, the last time I checked, a decent housekeeping service charges fifty bucks an hour. _(pause)_ Forty. _(pause)_ Thirty. _(pause)_ Done. I'll have the guest room made up by the time you and Aunt Rita get home. _(pause)_ Mom, if I tell Dad not to cook, I'll have to tell him why, and he'll go live in the garage again. Is that really what you want? (pause) Okay, I'll hide the wok and the crock pot. _(pause)_ And the vodka. _(pause)_ Yeah, I'll be done here in about an hour, then it's a forty-minute bus ride to travel the same distance I could cover in ten minutes with a car. _(pause)_ I wasn't aware I had any luck to press. Bye.

  
  
  
** INT: MORGENDORFFER GUEST ROOM**

_Daria is making the bed._

**DARIA:** The things I do to get some actual money.

_Quinn enters._

**QUINN:** Daria, why are you making the guest room bed? You don't even make your own bed.

**DARIA:** Aunt Rita's coming over to help Mom plan her wedding to Dad. Jane was right - I should go into fortune cookies.

**QUINN:** Aunt Rita? How did - I mean, how interesting... Do you think Aunt Amy's coming too?

_Quinn starts helping with the bed._

**DARIA:** Probably, though I'm no longer convinced that means things are on the upswing. Aunt Amy by herself is something I can almost look forward to, but combined with Aunt Rita and Mom... things could get very ugly.

**QUINN:** Well, maybe it won't be so bad. I mean, they all did sort of bury the hatchet on the last visit. Maybe it'll be kind of fun!

**DARIA:** Fun? Quinn, if life has taught me anything, it's that nothing tears a family apart like bringing them together. This summer has officially been downgraded from tolerable to miserable, and I sense "catastrophic" looming on the horizon.

**QUINN:** What if we offered to help with the wedding too? Maybe we could kind of get control of this before it gets out of hand.

**DARIA:** "We?" Excuse me, I'm going off to college in less than three months, I have enough to deal with. You, on the other hand, have no job, no internship, no summer plans whatsoever, and you do a lot less shopping than you used to. You want to take on this little project, be my guest. But I don't want to be involved.

**QUINN:** Um... speaking of shopping, I was kind of thinking that you might want to get some new stuff for college, and well, I'm pretty good at shopping, so maybe we could do it together?

**DARIA:** _(looks strangely at Quinn)_ Quinn, what's going on with you lately?

**QUINN:** Nothing! I just, well, thought I could help you pick out some nice new outfits and stuff.

**DARIA:** Last time I checked, you have three very popular, if virtually brain-dead, friends who live to shop. Why the hell are you pestering me? _(Daria finishes with the bed)_ I have to go hide Dad's cookware and spice rack. Go make yourself useful and put some sheets on the sofa-bed, okay? I have a sinking feeling we're going to need it before long.

_Daria exits._

**QUINN:** _(sigh)_

  
  
  
** INT: LIVING ROOM**

_Daria comes out of the kitchen as Jake enters and sets down his briefcase._

**JAKE:** Hey, kiddo!

**DARIA:** Hi Dad. Here, I made you a martini.

**JAKE:** Wow, thanks! You know, there was a time when a man came home from work and there would be his slippers, the newspaper, his favorite chair, and a good martini. It makes you yearn for the good old days.

**DARIA:** Don't strain yourself with all that yearning. This is a one-time event, and the slippers and newspaper will cost extra.

**JAKE:** _(he takes the glass and sips it) _ Hmm... you know Daria, not to complain, but there's rather more gin in here than I usually prefer. It's a wee bit strong.

**DARIA:** You'll thank me for it later.

**JAKE:** Huh?

_Helen enters, followed by Rita._

**RITA:** I hope you don't mind my staying the night, Helen. I left home so quickly, I never arranged for a hotel room.

**HELEN:** Well, as long as it's just for one night...

**RITA:** Then again, with all the planning we have to do, maybe I should just stick around. We can get a lot more done that way.

**JAKE:** Um, Daria? Do you think I could get a refill, here? And a bit more gin would be great.

  
  
  
_** The Next Day...**_

  
** INT: HELEN'S OFFICE**

_Helen is working even more frantically than usual, talking on the phone while signing papers with her right hand hand flipping through a stack of briefs with her left._

**HELEN:** _(to phone)_ I don't have time for these kinds of delays, dammit! There are times when overnight delivery just isn't fast enough. I don't care if you have to stand there and feed a five-hundred-page document through the fax machine, I don't care if you have to get on an airplane and carry it here yourself, I need that report in my hands within the hour or we will lose this case and every client we have will walk! So get your butt in gear! _(slams phone down)_ Marianne, get me the district attorney's office NOW, if not sooner!

**MARIANNE:** Right away! _(she spins away from her computer where she's been typing up a storm, and dials a number on her phone)_

**HELEN:** Dammit, I can't believe I wasted a whole damn day when there's so much to do around here! I could kill that sister of mine! Well, there's nothing else for it, we'll just have to put in the overtime.

**MARIANNE:** Um, Helen, forgive me for saying so, but isn't today -

**HELEN:** Do you have the D.A. or not??

**MARIANNE:** Eep! I mean, line three!

**HELEN:** Fine, then! _(she snatches up the phone) _ This is Helen Morgendorffer. _(pause)_ No, I won't hold, put me through to the assistant D.A. right now or I'll take it out on him when we go to court - and buster, you don't want to face me when I'm in a good mood, let alone when I have something to prove!

_Eric pops his head in._

**ERIC:** Hey, Helen!

**HELEN:** _ (puts hand over phone - her voice is suddenly forced into sweetness) _ Eric, hi! What brings you here?

**ERIC:** Just wanted to see what the cloud of paperwork flowing out your door was all about! _(laughs at his own joke)_ Seriously, Helen, I've lined up a dinner meeting with Mr. Royce this coming Saturday, and he really wants to meet you since he couldn't at the meeting yesterday. Think you can make it?

**HELEN:** You know I will, Eric!

**ERIC:** Knew I could count on you, Helen! Oh, and Mr. Royce generally prefers to dine out in a tuxedo, so wear something.. elegant, rather than businesslike.

**HELEN:** _ (raises an eyebrow)_ Really? You don't think that would be giving the wrong impression?

**ERIC:** Trust me, Helen, it's the best way to go. (tugs his collar a bit) And, if you don't mind my saying so, I would imagine you present a fine image in a formal dress -

**HELEN:** _(suddenly back on the phone)_ What? Well, put him on, then! I'm not holding the phone because I have a thing for muzak, you know! _(back to Eric)_ I'm sorry, what were you saying?

**ERIC:** _(clears throat)_ Nothing, nothing. _(Eric backs out of the office, clearly a bit flustered)_

**HELEN: ** All right then, Eric! _ (she goes back to the phone)_ Hello? Yes, this is Helen Morgendorffer, is this the assistant D.A.? _ (pause)_ Well, get me his assistant then! Honestly, I can't imagine how these people get appointed to their jobs.

_The other phone rings - Marianne gets it._

**MARIANNE:** Helen Morgendorffer's office. _(pause) _ I'm afraid she's on another line at the moment, may I take a message? _(pause)_ I, er, really can't interrupt her when she's on another call unless it's an emergency.

**HELEN:** Who is it, Marianne?

**MARIANNE:** May I ask who's calling? _(pause, then to Helen)_ It's your sister. She says it's very urgent.

**HELEN:** Tell her to hold a moment - _(into phone)_ Yes, this is Helen Morgendorffer. _(pause)_ Look, I don't care if he's indisposed, I don't care if he's in Saskatchewan, get me some variety of assistant D.A. before I have to come down there myself and break his door down!

**MARIANNE:** Yes, I'll have Helen for you in a moment.

**HELEN:** Here, Marianne, you hold for the D.A. while I find out what the hell my sister wants.

_Marianne hits a few buttons on her phone, switching the calls._

**HELEN:** Rita? What's the matter, are the girls all right?

_Split-screen with Rita_

**RITA:** How should I know? They were out the door without so much as a "Good Morning". Great kids you've raised, Helen.

**HELEN:** Rita, I'm really terribly busy, could you get to the point please?

**RITA**: Well, excuse me! I just thought you might want to know that I've gotten a jump start on your wedding plans and set up a few appointments for the evening. We'll be heading into town to look at some halls and try out some caterers.

**HELEN:** This evening? Rita, tonight is my twenty-fifth anniversary! Jake and I have plans!

**RITA:** _(snorts)_ Twenty-fifth anniversary of what? Come on, Helen, what's more important, the wedding that wasn't or the one that will be? Of course, if you just want me to handle it -

**HELEN:** NO! I mean, I wouldn't want you to take on that responsibility alone, of course. But couldn't we re-schedule it for some other time?

**MARIANNE:** Helen? I have the assistant D.A. on the line.

**RITA:** How much time do you think we have here, Helen? I mean, I assumed you wanted this done quickly. If I cancel these appointments now, we might not be able to line them up again for weeks. I really hadn't planned on staying that long, you know.

**HELEN:** Weeks? Oh, no. I mean, all right, we'll do it tonight. Jake and I can make new plans, I suppose.

**MARIANNE:** _(on phone)_ She'll be right with you. Helen?

**HELEN:** Rita, I have to go. Just don't set up any appointments for this weekend until I have the chance to figure things out with Jake, all right? Good-bye! _(sighs heavily, then hangs up)_ All right, Marianne, send me the call.

**MARIANNE:** Um... I already did.

_Helen looks at her phone, which she's just hung up, and puts her hand to her forehead._

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER HOME**

_Rita is on the phone._

**RITA:** Uh-huh. So the hall seats three hundred? Don't you have anything larger than that? _(pause)_ Sure, my budget's flexible! _(pause)_ Hmm... can I get back to you on that? Oh, that's my call waiting, hold on. _(click)_ Hello? Oh yes, I was expecting your call. So, you'll be able to send someone by this afternoon with your cake catalogue?

_Jake comes down the stairs in a tuxedo that's obviously way too small for him._

**JAKE:** Er... Rita, have you heard from Helen yet?

**RITA:** Jake, do you mind, I'm trying to plan your wedding here! And you stink like mothballs besides. _(pause, then into phone)_ No, that was the groom. When will the men learn that they should just stay out of this? Anyway, we don't even want to look at anything smaller than three tiers, and preferably for a party of at least four hundred.

_Jake sighs, and starts to head up the stairs._

_The doorbell rings._

**JAKE:** I'll get it!

_He runs down the stairs and grabs a large bouquet of roses off the table by the door, then opens it._

**JAKE:** For you, my darling!

_Jake thrusts the flowers out the door, where they are gently moved aside by..._

**DARIA:** Um, thanks, Dad. Shall I put them in water right away?

**JAKE:** Huh? Oh, Daria! _(turns red)_ Sorry, I thought you were... I mean...

**DARIA:** Relax, Dad. Just be glad you came to the door fully clothed. I know I am.

**RITA:** _(still in the phone)_ Well, that's a good cake, but I'm thinking more along the lines of a great cake. Look, I have to get back to the caterer, just send someone by at around four o'clock. And make sure they're on time, I have places to go tonight. _(click)_ All right, I hope you've been able to find a bigger hall for me.

**JAKE:** How does my tux look, Daria? I've had it in storage for a while and I had to suck in the ol' paunch a bit, but I think it still works!

**DARIA:** It stands proudly and says "I am".

**RITA:** _(phone)_ Now that's more like what I had in mind! So let's talk about food. We'll need at least four different choices on the menu, and a vegetarian dish for Helen's weird hippie friends.

**DARIA:** Why are you all dressed up already, anyway? It's only one o'clock.

**JAKE:** Well, we were going to get an early start on the evening, but it looks like your mother's a little late -

**RITA:** _(off phone)_ Big surprise there. _(back on phone) _Don't you think there could be a seafood option? We've got family coming in from the east coast, they might want some kind of shellfish.

**JAKE:** But, the dinner reservations aren't until six o'clock. I guess we'll just skip the carriage ride in the park.

**DARIA:** If it's all the same to you, Dad, I'd just as soon not hear the full itinerary. There are certain things a girl just shouldn't know about her parents.

_Daria heads upstairs._

**RITA:** _(phone)_ What do you mean, cash bar? Excuse me, but I think it's a little uncouth to expect the guests to pay for their own drinks! _(pause)_ That's more like it. Now, for the champagne toast, we'll need to make sure we get something that people won't be talking behind our backs about.

**JAKE:** Um, Rita? I'd kind of like to use the phone for a moment.

**RITA: ** _(into phone) _Plastic glasses? And I suppose we'll be eating off paper plates as well?

**JAKE:** I'd, er, kind of like to call Helen, you know, and see what's keeping her.

**RITA:** Excuse me. _(to Jake)_ I'm in the middle of planning your wedding here, Jake! I'd like to think that's a little more important than whatever's up your butt. _(into phone)_ Look, I want to see the good china, I want to drink out of fine crystal, I want to see some napkin rings, dammit! I thought you were called the Grand Hotel for a reason!

_The front door opens, and Quinn comes in._

**QUINN:** Hi Daddy! Wow, you look great! Even if that tux is a little, you know, eighties.

**JAKE:** Oh, Quinn! Can I borrow your cell phone?

**QUINN:** Um, okay. But if I go over my minutes this month, it's not my fault anymore.

**JAKE:** Thanks! _(he takes her little pink phone and dials a number)_ Hello? Is this the offices of Schrecter, Schrecter, Screc- oh, it is? Great, can I talk to Helen Morgendorffer please? _ (pause)_ What do you mean, she can't come to the phone? This is her husband, dammit! _(pause)_ You did? Oh, well, we wrote them ourselves, I've always been rather proud of that... er, can you please put Helen on the phone? _(pause)_ Sure, I'll hold.

**RITA:** _(into phone)_ Tell you what, why don't we just reserve a whole floor? We'll have enough out-of-town guests to fill the spots, not to worry.

_The clock on the mantelpiece reads one-thirty._

  
_**Time passes...**_

_The clock reads quarter after four._

_Daria comes back down to find her father seated on the stairs in his tuxedo with Quinn's phone held to his ear. Rita is on the sofa with a representative of a bakery, looking over a book filled with pictures of wedding cakes. Quinn is not there._

**DARIA:** Um... hi, Dad. Where's Mom?

**JAKE:** What? _(forced good cheer)_ Oh, hey kiddo! Um, your Mom's apparently been held up at the office, you know how it is. I'm just on hold here right now.

**DARIA: ** On hold? Mom has a hold feature on her cell phone? I guess I'm not surprised.

**JAKE: ** Cell phone? Oh yeah! I could call her there! Thanks, kiddo!

**DARIA:** Don't mention it. Well, I'll just be heading over to Jane's like I planned.

**JAKE:** Sure thing! _(he hangs up and dials the cell phone instead)_

_Another phone rings._

**JAKE:** Oh, Rita, could you get that?

**RITA:** Jake, how many times do I have to remind you how much I have going on here? You have no idea how much planning a modern wedding requires, and your pointless interruptions aren't making things any easier! _(points in cake catalog)_ Could you do that one, but with an extra tier? And maybe some of those column things in between.

**CATERER:** Of course!

**JAKE: ** But it's coming from your purse! And I'm trying to reach Helen!

**RITA: ** Oh, all right! _(she picks a phone out of her purse) _ Hello?

**JAKE:** Hello? Helen? Is that you?

**RITA:** _(looks at phone, then at Jake) _ Jake, you imbecile.

**JAKE:** Aw, Helen, what have I done now?

_Rita hangs up the cell phone and shakes her head. Just then -_

**HELEN:** _(bursting in)_ I'm here! Thank God, I never thought I'd get out of that office.

**JAKE:** _(suddenly happy)_ Helen! Um... here, these are for you! _(he thrusts the flowers at her - one of the buds falls off)_

**HELEN:** Oh, Jake, that's so sweet. _(she kisses him on the cheek)_ I hope you're not too disappointed about tonight.

**JAKE:** Aw, you're just a little late. I understand. Come on, we can still make our dinner reservations!

**HELEN:** Dinner reservations? But - _ (she turns to Rita) _ Rita, didn't you even tell him?

**RITA:** What am I, your secretary?

**HELEN:** I just think you could have taken half a minute to pass on a little information to my husband, for crying out loud -

**RITA:** Oh, so it's back to that same old song again, is it? Everything is my fault!

**CATERER:** Maybe I should come back some other time...

**HELEN:** Rita, is it too much to ask for you to not think about yourself for one single minute?

**RITA:** Hey, I've been working on your wedding all day, for your information! And if we don't hurry up, we're going to be late for our appointment with the Grand Hotel!

**HELEN:** Fine, let's go!

**RITA:** Fine!

**HELEN:** Fine!

**CATERER:** I'll just be leaving now...

**HELEN & RITA:** FINE!!

_The caterer ducks out quickly._

**JAKE:** What about dinner?

**HELEN:** What about it? _(tones down when she realizes she's shouting at Jake)_ Oh. I'm sorry, dear. Just come along, I'll have to explain on the way.

**RITA:** As long as we take separate cars. I've had enough of his whining today.

**HELEN:** Oh, for the love of God, Rita -

_The front door slamming behind Helen cuts her off. The living room is left empty._

_After a moment, Quinn comes out of the kitchen, obviously having heard the whole thing. She looks very, very unhappy._

  
  
_  
_**END PART TWO  
(to be continued...)**

  
  
  
  
  
  
**DISCLAIMERS:**

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

**Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!**


	4. Part Three

**COMMITTED   
**a **Daria** fanfic by**  
Mike Yamiolkoski**  
  
**  
  
PART THREE**

  
  
  
** INT: HELEN'S OFFICE**

_Helen's desk is piled with paperwork to the point that Helen herself can no longer be seen. Marianne is furiously typing at her workstation, looking more harried than usual, with dark circles under her eyes and her hair in disarray. A number of other assistants are busy working around folding tables that have been set up in the office as well._

**HELEN: ** The thirty-first? As in, this month? _(pause)_ Rita, don't you think that may be pushing it a little? We haven't even sent out the invitations yet. _(pause_) All right, fine, I don't have time to discuss it right now. _(garbled complaining is heard through the phone)_ Rita, of course I appreciate all you're doing. I can safely say that it just wouldn't be happening without you. _(pause) _ Look, Rita, I have to go. _(pause)_ No, I really have to go now, Rita. _(pause)_ We'll talk about it later!

_Helen slams the phone down, causing a good portion of the paperwork on her desk to avalanche to the floor._

**HELEN:** Oh, for God's sake... Marianne, I'll need you to start screening my calls. If my sister calls again, tell her the building's on fire or something. If that doesn't work, you have my permission to hang up and then answer subsequent calls using plan P.

**MARIANNE:** _(wide eyes)_ Really?

**HELEN:** Desperate times call for desperate measures. Now could someone get their butt over here and help me with this mess?

_One of the paralegals hurries over to Helen's desk and begins cleaning up the paperwork. Eric Schrecter walks in at the same moment._

**ERIC:** Helen! Wow, look at this place! You people are really pouring the coal to it today, that's what I like to see!

**HELEN:** _(faking happiness, not very well)_ Eric, hi! Listen, I think we're going to need to expand into the conference room if it's available. I don't think we can get another table in here, and I haven't seen the top of my desk all week.

**ERIC:** That's my go-getter! Oh, I wanted to remind you of our dinner meeting with Mr. Royce tonight. He's very anxious to meet you, after all the praises I've been singing about you.

**HELEN:** Oh, Eric, I'm just doing my job! _(she leans over to pick up some of the paperwork)_

**ERIC:** _(momentarily distracted by Helen's cleavage)_ Er... of course you do. I mean, you do it very well - I mean...

**HELEN:** _(standing up)_ Eric, is there something wrong?

_The phone rings. Marianne picks it up._

**MARIANNE:** Hello, Helen Morgendorffer's office!

**ERIC:** Nothing! Nothing at all! I'll see you tonight, then. Don't forget, formal attire!

**HELEN:** _(suddenly further distressed)_ Er... of course! I'll be ready at six!

**MARIANNE:** _(on phone) _I'm sorry, Ms. Barksdale, but Helen simply can't come to the phone right now. There's been, um, a bomb threat.

**ERIC:** Terrific! I'm looking forward to it. 

_Eric smiles in a would-be charming way that Helen completely misses, and walks out._

**MARIANNE:** I have to hang up now, Ms. Barksdale, but I'll be sure to tell Helen you called! _(hangs up)_

**HELEN:** Marianne, I completely forgot about the dinner meeting tonight. Do you think you could take a moment to go to my house and pick up something for me to wear? Ask Quinn to help you, she's good at that sort of thing.

**MARIANNE:** (sighs) Of course, Helen.

_The phone rings again._

**HELEN:** Plan P, Marianne.

**MARIANNE:** _ (picks up phone)_ Hello, Pizza Prince! Can I interest you in our two-for-one special?

  
  
  
**EXT: PARKING LOT, HELEN'S OFFICE**

_Marianne trots quickly through the parking lot toward her car._

**MARIANNE:** (_mocking Helen's voice)_ Would you mind going to my house to pick up a dress, Marianne? Goodness, it's almost three o'clock - Marianne, be a dear and go pick up some Chinese food! Oh, and you won't mind staying late tonight to make up for lost time, will you? _(grumbling)_ Why the hell didn't I go to nursing school like Mom said?

_As Marianne reaches her car (a classic Beetle, distressed) a blue Lexus pulls up next to her._

**JAKE:** Marion? Is that you?

**MARIANNE:** _(sighs)_ Yes.

**JAKE:** I'm glad I caught you! I just picked this up from the dry cleaners, could you make sure Helen gets it?

_Jake gets out of the car and hands Marianne a black cocktail dress wrapped in plastic, as well as some matching shoes and a small box of accessories._

**MARIANNE:** Um... sure.

**JAKE:** Thanks! Gotta go!

_Jake gets back in the car and speeds off._

**MARIANNE:** That was easy. _(pause)_ Of course, Helen's not expecting me back for an hour...

_Marianne smiles, and after placing the dress and other items into the back seat of her car, heads across the street to a hair salon._

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER HOME**

_Rita has transformed the living room into Wedding Central, surrounding herself with stacks of brochures and flyers, fabric swatches, and a large sample wedding cake. She has several notebooks in front of her and is scribbling in one of them._

**RITA:** All right then, that should just about do it for the guest list. Hmm, I'll have to recheck the seating chart for the ceremony, we won't want it to look too lopsided.

_Quinn happens by._

**QUINN:** Aunt Rita, are you done with the phone for a while? I need to get my dates organized for the weekend.

**RITA:** _(wistful sigh)_ I miss those days.

**QUINN:** By the way, how's the wedding coming? Perhaps I could give you a little input on bridesmaid's dresses.

**RITA:** Not to worry, Quinn, it's all covered. We're going with a kind of seventies-nostalgia theme. _(Rita holds up a picture for Quinn to look at)_ What do you think?

_Quinn suddenly starts coughing violently._

**RITA:** They'll look great with the powder blue tuxedos.

_Quinn is practically hyperventilating as she stumbles into the kitchen._

**RITA:** While you're in there, could you bring out some pretzels or something? _(to herself)_ What's keeping that damn pizza, anyway?

_Jake bursts in._

**JAKE:** No time to talk, gotta get ready for dinner!

**RITA:** Whatever.

**JAKE:** Thank God I was able to move our reservations back! It's just as well, I suppose, this way the cleaners had time to do Helen's black dress.

**RITA:** A dress! Of course, I need to find a dress to wear. _(starts looking through more catalogs)_ Sometimes I get so busy thinking of everyone else, I forget to think of me too... Hey, here's a nice one! And white always looks so good on me!

  
  
  
** INT: MORGENDORFFER KITCHEN**

_Quinn is sitting dejectedly at the table, leaning her head on one hand._

**QUINN:** The sequins... dear God, the sequins...

_Jake comes charging in_

**JAKE:** Say, Quinn, have you seen your sister? I can't get this bow tie to go on straight.

**QUINN:** She's at that internship of hers. Daddy, would you be really upset if I wore a different dress than then other bridesmaids?

**JAKE:** Huh? Oh, sure, honey! _(he struggles with his bow tie for a moment)_ Dammit!

**QUINN:** Here, let me. _(she stands up and starts tying the tie)_

**JAKE:** Thanks! Say Quinn, you go out to dinner a lot. Have you ever been to a place called "Chez Pierre"?

**QUINN:** Oh... I've been there once or twice.

**JAKE:** What's good on the menu?

**QUINN:** I always just order the most expensive thing. You can tell quite a lot about a guy based on his subtle reactions to what you order, but they get a little less subtle when you get something over thirty dollars.

**JAKE: ** _(a little taken aback)_ Oh...

**QUINN:** So naturally, you'll be at your best if you just pretend that nothing on the menu has a price next to it, and don't even look at the bill when it arrives, just hand over the plastic. Use the Platinum card. Oh, that reminds me… _(Quinn pauses for a moment to extract the Platinum card from her pocket and gives it to Jake)_ Now where was I? Oh yeah - if you can, get the table on the west side by the fountain. It helps to drown out the noise of other diners and who wants to listen to what they have to say? Of course, I always take the chair facing the restaurant so I can compare my date to any other guys who might be there. Naturally, you'll want to be really suave and debonair to keep Mom's eye on you, so just do more listening than talking and you should be all right.

**JAKE:** Should I be writing this down, or -

**QUINN:** Don't order anything with fish in it because it'll hang on your breath for the rest of the night, and if you order wine instead of a martini or something it'll help you maintain the right attitude. A Burgundy would probably be appropriate.

**JAKE:** Anything in particular?

**QUINN:** Well, '78 was a particularly good year, the '76 is really good too if you pick the right vineyard, but for the sake of romance you'll want to go with a '75 because that's the year you were married. Sort of. _(she finishes the tie)_ There! How's that?

_Jake checks his reflection in the toaster._

**JAKE:** Hey, that's great! How do you know how to do that?

**QUINN:** It's a gift. I have an instinct for all kinds of clothes. Now, you'll remember everything I said, right? Show Mom a really good time, make her happy, make her forget about all the stuff going on around here?

**JAKE:** Sure thing, honey! I'll wine her, and dine her, and when we come home we'll just charge straight up the bedroom and -

**QUINN:** _(disgusted)_ **DA-_AAD!!_**

**JAKE:** Er, watch a really good movie together. _ (pause)_ By the way, how do you know so much about wine?

**QUINN:** Is that the time? I'm late for my date. Have fun, Daddy!

_Quinn flounces out, leaving Jake looking a little confused. After a bit, he shrugs, and sits down at the table to wait._

**  
  
  
INT: CHEZ PIERRE**

_Helen arrives at the restaurant with Eric Schrecter. She's dressed in the black dress._

**ERIC:** You know, Helen, I think it's splendid of you to go through all this trouble to impress our client. _(tugging at his collar)_ If I may say so, that dress looks stunning on you.

**HELEN:** Hm? Oh, thank you, Eric. I wish I could shake this nagging feeling that I've forgotten something.

**ERIC:** What's to forget? This is just an informal dinner meeting, we don't need any notes or briefs to go over. _(he goes up to the Maitre'D)_ Good evening, I'm Eric Schrecter. We have a reservation for seven o'clock.

**MAITRE'D:** Very good, Monsieur. _(he checks the list, notices a reservation at 6:30 for "Morgendorffer" and scratches it off the list.)_ We have just had a cancellation, and so your table will be ready in a few minutes.

**HELEN:** Dammit, I know I've forgotten something!

**ERIC:** Helen, Helen, there's no need to be so jumpy! Here, let me get you a glass of wine to help settle your nerves. _(he motions her to a small table by the bar and pulls out her chair for her)_ I know it's not really my business, Helen, but does this have anything to do with what your sister was talking about the other day?

**HELEN:** _(looks away uncomfortably)_ I'll be fine. It's just hard when the foundation of your marriage turns out not to be what you expected. I'd really rather not talk about it.

**ERIC:** _(pats her hand reassuringly)_ Of course, Helen. You know, I'd like to think I can be a friend as well as a boss. Just let me know if you do want to talk to someone about it.

**WAITER:** Good evening, Monsieur, Madame. May I interest you in a glass of wine this evening?

**ERIC:** Two glasses of your finest Bordeaux, please.

**WAITER:** Of course, Monsieur.

**HELEN:** I appreciate the support, Eric, I really do. But for now I'd just like to concentrate on this meeting and put everything else out of my mind.

_Eric smiles, a bit wolfishly._

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_The living room is dark - it's obviously several hours later. Daria comes in through the front door and heads quietly into the kitchen._

  
  
  
**INT: KITCHEN**

_Daria turns on the light as she enters the kitchen._

**DARIA:** Eep!

**JAKE:** Oh, hi Daria. Could you keep the noise down a little? I'm just waiting for your mother to come home so we can go out.

_Daria looks at her father, still dressed in his tuxedo but with the tie loosened. A bouquet of flowers is quietly wilting on the kitchen table. He's on the phone, from which hold music can be heard quietly playing._

**DARIA:** Um, Dad, I think regular business hours are over.

**JAKE:** Oh, I know that, kiddo. But your Mom works some unusual hours.

**DARIA:** It's ten o'clock at night. I don't think she's at the office anymore.

**JAKE:** Is it that late already? Well... maybe she's working on that big case.

**DARIA:** Did it occur to you to try her cell phone?

**JAKE:** Somehow it ended up in your Aunt Rita's purse.

**DARIA:** _(sitting down across from Jake)_ Dad. I think you should maybe go get some sleep.

**JAKE:** But... she might pick up at any moment!

**DARIA:** _(sighs with exasperation)_ Suit yourself. I'm going to bed.

_Daria leaves the kitchen, turning off the lights as she does. Jake continues to sit pathetically by himself in the dark, waiting on terminal hold._

  
  
  
**INT: LIMOUSINE**

_Helen and Eric are sitting in a limousine opposite Mr. Royce and, presumably, his assistant._

**ROYCE:** Well Schrecter, it sounds like we have all our ducks in a row. It's good to see that everything I've heard about your firm is true. And Helen, I have to say that even though we got off to a rocky start, I'm absolutely convinced that you're the person I want working on this case!

**HELEN:** I'm just pleased for the opportunity to work with your company, Mr. Royce.

**ERIC:** _(perhaps just a wee bit tipsy) _We always get Helen involved with our biggest cases, Mr. Royce! She's the fiercest tiger you'll ever see in a courtroom. Of course, we'll be seeking to settle, but rest assured that if this does go before a judge, you'll walk away much the better for it!

**ROYCE:** Settle? After what I've heard tonight? Not a chance! I want you to make them an offer they'd be nuts to accept, and we'll take 'em on in court and bury the bastards! I didn't build a multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical firm from scratch by settling!

**ERIC:** Of course! We'll make 'em squirm, don't you even bother to worry about it.

**ROYCE:** Excellent! I'll tell the board of directors that the biggest thing they have to worry about is where to hold the company's forty-second anniversary celebration.

**HELEN:** Eep! _(she jumps out of her seat, forgetting that she's in a car, and bumps her head against the ceiling, falling awkwardly back down on her butt)_

**ERIC:** Helen! Are you all right?

**HELEN:** I'm... I'm fine, of course! _(she turns beet red)_ I just... had my cell phone on vibrate, and it startled me!

_The car pulls to a stop._

**ROYCE:** Ah, we're here. My driver can take you back to your car, Schrecter. Lookin' forward to doing business with you. Helen, it's been a pleasure.

**HELEN:** Er... likewise, I'm sure!

_Mr. Royce and his assistant get out of the car._

_Eric pushes a button on the console._

**ERIC:** Driver, please take us back to the restaurant. _(He releases the button)_ Helen, what's wrong? I know you left your cell phone at home today.

**HELEN:** It's... nothing, really. I just need to get home as soon as I can.

**ERIC:** This has something to do with Jack, doesn't it?

**HELEN:** Who? Oh you mean... oh God, how could I do this?

**ERIC:** Helen, Helen, it's not your fault. These things happen.

**HELEN:** I can't believe I could be so selfish. What the hell is wrong with me?

**ERIC:** Sometimes we need to think of ourselves. Don't worry, I have a feeling that everything will turn out for the best.

**HELEN:** Do you really think so?

**ERIC:** Of course. Just go with your heart, Helen.

**HELEN:** _(sniffles)_ You do understand. I can't tell you how much this means to me, Eric.

**ERIC:** I'm just trying to be there for you. _(he looks out the window, and smiles wolfishly once again)_

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER KITCHEN**

_Jake has slumped over the table, fast asleep, the phone still playing hold music in his hand. The front door is heard opening, then Helen tiptoes in quietly. She comes into the kitchen, sees Jake, and immediately looks about as guilty as it is possible for a human being to look. Sighing softly, she takes him gently by the shoulder._

**HELEN:** Jakey?

**JAKE: ** Mmblgrmbl...

**HELEN:** Jakey, please wake up.

**JAKE:** Mm? _ (his eyes open, just a sliver)_

**HELEN:** Jake, I am so sorry. Can you forgive me?

**JAKE:** Huh? _(bleary)_ Oh, sure.

**HELEN:** I just... I just forgot, sweetie.

**JAKE:** 'sokay. _(yawns) _ I know it's not your fault, Mommy.

**HELEN:** _(frowns, then seems to remember she's feeling guilty)_ Just come up to bed, dear.

**JAKE:** Uh-huh.

_Jake pushes himself to his feet and slouches into the living room, where he stretches out on the couch and resumes snoring._

**HELEN:** And I thought that's where I would be sleeping tonight.

_Helen heads sorrowfully up the stairs._

  
  
  


_**Two weeks later...  
**_

  


** INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_Rita has taken over the coffee table and a nearby card table with wedding brochures, and Quinn is looking through them. Rita is also pacing back and forth in a very Helen-like way while talking on the phone. Helen herself has her legal briefs spread out on the floor. Jake is sitting in a chair licking a huge stack of envelopes._

**RITA: ** _(on phone)_ What? What do you mean the Governor's party needs our space? Listen, buster, I was promised that room, I put down a deposit on that room, the Governor can go to the damn Motel Six!

_Daria enters through the front door. No one notices._

**QUINN:** Ugh! I can't believe some of these dresses! Pink taffeta with parasols?? Puh-lease!

**JAKE:** Two hundred seventy-two... _(licks envelope) _Two hundred seventy-three... _(licks envelope) _Two hundred seventy-four... _(lick)_ Two hundred seventy-five... _(lick)_

**RITA:** No! N, O, NO! This is America, pal, and my money's just as good as the Governor's! We had that room first!

**DARIA:** Ah... Home Crap Home.

**HELEN:** Oh, Daria, I'm so glad you're here. I need some files from the office but I can't take the time to drive down there. Could you take my car and go get the red expandable folder from the second drawer in the black filing cabinet? And for once, let's avoid the inevitable bargaining and pretend you're willing to do this out of the goodness of your heart.

**DARIA:** That hurts, Mom, it really does. I hoped you would know me well enough by now to know that my heart is devoid of goodness.

**HELEN:** The keys are in my purse. Take some money if you must, but please hurry back.

**RITA:** _(phone)_ I hope you realize that the bride is a lawyer and she can sue your butts into a hole so deep you'll need a telescope to see the sky again!

**DARIA: **I'll do it for free, provided I can keep the car for the evening. Something tells me I just don't want to hang around here tonight.

**JAKE:** Two hundred ninety-nine... _(lick)_ Three hundred! _(lick)_ Three hundred and one... _(lick) _Three hundred and two...

**QUINN:** Oh come on, Daria, it's not that bad.

**DARIA:** Wait.

_The doorbell rings_

**JAKE:** I'll get it!

_Daria steps aside as Jake gets the door. It's..._

**JAKE:** Mom!

**RUTH:** Jakey! _(she gives Jake a big hug)_

**DARIA:** Later. _(she heads out)_

**HELEN:** _(surprised/distressed)_ Mom! I didn't know you were coming!

**RUTH:** I would have been here a week ago if I'd known! Why didn't you call me sooner, Jakey?

**JAKE:** Well, everything was happening so fast, and I just didn't have a moment to do it! _(a little whiny)_ There's just so much to take care of and so little time!

**RUTH:** Now don't you worry, son! You'll give yourself another heart attack.

**RITA:** _(phone)_ Whatever, work out the details, I have to call the videographer. _ (she hangs up, then sees Ruth at the door)_ Who the hell are you?

**RUTH:** Well, I never!

**HELEN:** Rita, this is my mother-in-law, Ruth. Mom, this is my sister Rita. She's helping to plan the wedding.

**RITA: ** Doing the whole job myself is more like it.

**RUTH:** Well, that's about to change. We'll start with your guest list, and then I'll want to see the menu options.

**RITA:** Excuse me, Ruth, but I have some experience with planning a modern wedding.

**RUTH:** That's Mrs. Morgendorffer to you, young lady. Back in my day we had a thing called respect.

**RITA: ** You also had a thing called Model-T Fords, I'll bet.

**RUTH:** That'll be quite enough of that, Missy! Now, the first thing to do is to find some different invitations. _(she plucks one out of Jake's hand mid-lick)_ These look like circus tickets!

**RITA:** You think you can just waltz in here and take over -

**QUINN:** _(jumping up and running for the door)_ Daria! Wait up! DARIA!!

_Tires squeal outside as the SUV drives off. Quinn looks back at the battle brewing between Ruth and Rita, her face falling into an expression of deep despair._

  
  
  
** EXT: MALL, BEHIND CASHMAN'S**

_It's about 9:00 at night. Daria and Jane sit together on the bench._

**DARIA:** You're sure you have to work late tonight?

**JANE:** Believe me, if it were up to me, I'd bag work and head out with you. Unfortunately, I've gotten myself into a position where the boss pretty much expects each window to be more elaborate than the last. More props, more details, more blood, more time.

**DARIA:** Blood?

**JANE:** Anyway, the upside is that I'm getting paid overtime. That makes up for it a bit.

**DARIA:** Oh, come on. Don't pretend you don't love the opportunity to go artistically nuts in a public forum.

**JANE:** All right, you got me. But that doesn't mean I don't miss spending time with my best friend, you know.

**DARIA:** I feel like I'd spend time with Upchuck right now rather than go home. It was hell when my Aunt Rita was doing things alone - with my grandmother thrown in, it's hell warmed up. And I get the feeling that there's a lot more coal yet to be thrown into the furnace.

**JANE:** Hmm, that gives me an idea for the summer casualwear display. Look, if it's as bad as all that, why don't you crash at my place? Even with the band staying over, there's still plenty of room. You can have the cot in the bomb shelter if you like.

**DARIA:** Tempting, but no. It would be like admitting they've won. Besides, I probably should have my Mom's car back in the driveway before she has to go to work in the morning.

**JANE:** Tomorrow's Sunday.

**DARIA:** Like I said.

_Jane's watch beeps._

**JANE:** Sorry. Gotta punch in and get back to it.

_Daria sighs, and heads into the parking lot. Jane looks worriedly after her for a moment, then heads inside._

  
  
  
** INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_It's daytime - a couple of days later. Quinn is sitting in a chair by the window with her knees pulled up to her chest, obviously miserable. Ruth and Rita are arguing over a large piece of paper on the coffee table labeled "seating chart". Jake is still licking envelopes, though they're different ones than before. Helen is on her cell phone._

**RITA:** Look lady, if you wanted to bring in a hundred extra guests, then maybe you should have been here three weeks ago when we started planning! I had this chart all figured out until you came along!

**RUTH:** Of course you did! After all, you included every second cousin you have and all of your friends back to kindergarten, then set aside two dozen seats in the back for Jakey's family. I wouldn't even have been able to see him from way back there!

**RITA:** So get stronger glasses!

**JAKE:** _(sounding rather sick by now)_ Four hundred seventeen... _ (licks envelope)_ Four hundred eighteen... _ (lick)_ Four hundred nineteen...

**HELEN:** _(on cell phone)_ Absolutely not! If that information got out it might give the D.A. a foothold on territory we just can't let him have. I suggest we get someone who we have dirt on to go down to Pharmacon and start shredding documents.

**RUTH:** I notice your mother's seated at the head table!

**RITA:** She needs me to remind her to take her medication. Some people aren't lucky enough to have their health at your age.

**HELEN:** _ (phone)_ Just shred everything between March and May of last year to make sure! And then burn the shreddings, we don't want another fiasco like we had two years ago when those bastards at Hamilton, Medfield, and Hamilton got hold of the trash bags.

**RUTH:** Now see here, Missy! I'm getting a little tired of all the age jokes! There's a lot of comments I could make about someone your age who can't even keep a steady relationship with a man for more than two months!

**RITA:** Oh, and I suppose you had a model marriage? From what I understand, you picked a real winner for a husband!

**HELEN:** _(phone)_ Six miles of scotch tape, that's what I heard.

**JAKE:** Four hundred twenty-nine... _ (lick) _ Four hundred twenty-ten... _ (lick)_ Four hundred twenty-eleven... _ (lick)_ Four hundred - Dammit! I lost count! _(burp)_ And I think I'm going to be sick!

**RUTH: ** My husband was a decent man and a fine, upstanding citizen!

**JAKE:** I really feel ill...

_The doorbell rings._

**RITA:** Oh, that'll be the florist! Quinn, could you get the door?

_Quinn doesn't respond._

**HELEN:** _(phone) _ All right, so we're on the same page then! And don't forget to have the computers wiped as well! On second thought, just take a hammer to the hard drives, we don't want to take any chances.

**RITA:** Quinn?

**QUINN: ** Hm?

**RITA:** Get the door, will you! The florist is here!

**QUINN:** Oh, sure. _ (She gets to her feet, slumps across the room, and opens the door.)_ Come in and join the party.

**TIFFANY:** Party? Where?

**QUINN:** _(shocked)_ Tiffany? What are you doing here?

**TIFFANY:** I'm here about some flowers...

**QUINN: ** You're the florist?

**TIFFANY:** No, my aunt is the florist... I'm just helping out... it's kind of a summer thing my parents are making me do. So... you're having a party?

**QUINN:** No, it's -

**TIFFANY: ** How come you didn't invite any of your friends? _(frowns a bit)_ That's not very thoughtful of you, Quinn...

**QUINN:** You don't understand, Tiffany. See, we're in the middle of planning a wedding.

**TIFFANY:** Oh...

**QUINN: ** Yeah.

**TIFFANY: ** Don't you think we're still a little young to be getting married, Quinn?

**QUINN: ** It's not my wedding!

**TIFFANY:** But, it says here that the flowers are for the _ (reading from a card)_ Baarks... Baaarkesdaale... Morg... Mor... gen... dor...

**QUINN:** Look Tiffany, I'll explain everything later but this isn't a good time right now okay bye!

_Quinn grabs the sample bouquet and catalog and closes the door, leaving Tiffany on the step._

**TIFFANY:** Mor... gen... dor... fer... wedding. Morgendorffer? _ (pause)_ Wow... Quinn's getting married...

  
  
  
**END PART THREE  
(to be continued...)**   
  
  
  
  
  
**DISCLAIMERS:**

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

**Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!**


	5. Part Four

**COMMITTED   
**a **Daria** fanfic by**  
Mike Yamiolkoski**  
  
**  
  
PART FOUR**

  
  
  
**INT: DARIA'S CUBICLE AT WALLEN & SHANE**

_Daria sits at her desk, still surrounded by "Slush Pile" boxes, though they're noticeably emptier and the large trash can is nearly full._

**DARIA:** Let's see what the next waste of a perfectly good tree is... _ (she checks the title)_ "Exaggerations" by S. Galloway. _(she checks her list of names tacked on the wall)_ Hmm... Takis, Bowman, Pollard, Renfield, Neilsen, Suni, Wild, Moore, Nowall - ah, here he is: Galloway. _(she tosses the manuscript into the REJECT can)_ This is going a lot faster ever since I came up with this little system. 

_Phone rings_

**DARIA:** _(picks up phone)_ Wallen and Shane, Daria speaking. 

_Split screen with..._

**QUINN:** Hey, Daria! 

**DARIA:** Hi, Quinn. You must have a wrong number. Who were you trying to reach? 

**QUINN:** Very funny, Daria. Listen, I've got some free time this evening, and I really could use a break from Grandma and Aunt Rita's constant bickering. D'you think you might want to get together for a pizza or something? 

**DARIA:** Tempting, but no. 

**QUINN:** I'll buy. 

**DARIA:** Is this a permanent exchange, or will you and the other aliens eventually be restoring the real Quinn to her body? 

**QUINN:** Daria, you don't know what it's like here. I'm desperate! 

**DARIA:** Are you telling me that you, the most popular person in the entire world, can't find someone to go get pizza with besides me? 

**QUINN:** _(pause, then a little sadly)_ Well, when you put it like that... 

**DARIA:** I'll be home in about an hour, just in case you want to make sure you're gone by then. _(Hangs up)_

_Daria returns to the slush pile, pulling out another manuscript. Then she pauses for a moment, thinking about the conversation she just had. For a moment, she looks rather pensive, then shakes her head and goes back to work._

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_Daria enters the house looking tired. _

**RITA:** Look, I can't help it if Helen has more friends than Jake does! Is it really fair to cut back on her guests just because Jake has fewer people he'd want to invite?

**RUTH: ** Invite who you want to the wedding, but the rehearsal dinner needs to be equal on both sides!

**HELEN:** _ (on phone)_ Yes, I'll be in the office tomorrow! I told you, I have a lot of personal matters to attend to, but that's not going to get in the way of my work, I can promise you that!

**JAKE: ** _(licking envelopes, and sounding very sick by now)_ Five... hundred... seventy... one... _ (lick) _ Five... hundred... seventy... two... _ (lick)_ Five... hundred... seventy... three...

**HELEN:** Oh! Daria, thank goodness. Here, I need you to take this file back to the office for me, and pick up the large black briefcase next to the third cabinet from the left.

**DARIA:** When exactly did I become your go-fer?

**RITA:** You know, I had everything pretty much under control until you stuck your nose into it! Thanks to you, we had to move the whole thing back two weeks!

**HELEN:** For God's sake Daria, I don't think I'm asking for too much here! Will you please just go get the files I need?

**RUTH:** Excuse me, but if I hadn't shown up and straightened you out, I doubt I would have even been invited!

**RITA:** And wouldn't that have been a tragedy?

**JAKE:** Five... hundred... eighty... two... _ (lick)_ Five... hundred... eighty... three... _(lick)_ Five... hundred...

**DARIA:** The wedding's been moved back? So, you can come with me on the RAFT trip at the end of the month?

**HELEN:** The what?

**DARIA:** My trip to Boston. The pre-registration and orientation trip.

**RUTH:** And another thing, I can't say I approve of these decorations! A wedding should have some sense of tradition, not lava lamps at each table!

**RITA: ** I'm trying to achieve a nostalgic atmosphere, and may I point out that at least I'm doing it for the right decade!

**HELEN:** Daria, could we just talk about this when you get back?

**DARIA:** _(scowling)_ If I get back.

**JAKE: ** _glurk..._

**  
  
  
EXT: FRONT YARD**

_Daria stomps angrily down the path. She looks up only when she hears a car pulling up to the curb - a red convertible, with Aunt Amy at the wheel._

**AMY: ** Daria! How's life treating you?

**DARIA:** Like a dog treats a fire hydrant. Excuse me, I have a pointless errand to run.

**AMY:** Hey, slow down! _(she gets out of the car)_ I only just got here, I know I couldn't have pissed you off this much already. Usually I have to have at least two minutes of conversation with someone to get these results.

**DARIA:** The last thing I need right now is more relatives.

**AMY:** I know what you mean.

**DARIA:** No, you don't know what I mean.

**AMY:** Then tell me what you mean. But don't get upset with me over something that I didn't do, I don't deserve that. And who knows, maybe I can even help the situation.

**DARIA:** Like you did the last time you were here?

**AMY:** Touché. But give me the benefit of the doubt.

_Daria stops._

**AMY:** Besides, wherever you're going, you might as well go in a convertible.

**DARIA:** Now you're sounding like Quinn.

**AMY:** I share DNA with her too, you know. Come on. You can pick the radio station.

  
  
  
** INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_The arguing is still going on as Quinn comes hurrying down the stairs. She opens the front door just in time to watch Daria leaves with Aunt Amy. A deeply sad and lonely expression falls over her face as they drive away._

  
  
  
** INT: AMY'S CAR**

**AMY:** So, I imagine things aren't going exactly swimmingly?

**DARIA:** Allow me to enumerate: my mother's so stressed she's ready to burst a major artery, my father has spent the last three weeks on the verge of tears, Aunt Rita has taken over the household planning the wedding of the century, and Quinn's getting whinier with each passing day. Now my Grandmother Ruth has arrived, and what was once chaos is now descending into full-scale war. On top of all this, I'm trying to get ready to go off to college in the Fall, and I can't say I'll be too upset about the idea of not coming back until Christmas. Or perhaps retirement.

**AMY:** So, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

**DARIA:** Funny.

**AMY:** It sounds to me like you're going through hell. How about that guy you're seeing, has he been able to give you any support?

**DARIA:** We broke up. It's a long story.

**AMY: ** Bummer. What about your friend Jane?

**DARIA:** She has to work, and so do I. Our schedules haven't meshed very well.

**AMY:** So, your parents are completely absorbed in their own problems, your home life is a disaster, you have enormous responsibilities to take care of, and your support system has more or less vanished.

**DARIA:** You forgot about the current international tension in the Middle East.

**AMY:** _(offers a small plastic bag)_ Gummy bear?

**DARIA: ** Thanks. Wow, I feel so much better now.

**AMY: ** I'm sorry, Daria, I don't have any words of wisdom. But I'll promise you this much: I won't make things any worse. Even if it means holding my tongue with Rita.

**DARIA:** There's a mental image I don't need.

**AMY: ** As long as you can make comments like that, I won't worry too much. Incidentally, how's Quinn holding up?

**DARIA:** Ask her yourself. I have enough problems right now without having to deal with hers too.

**AMY:** You know, it's not unreasonable to imagine you might want to try depending on each other a bit at a time like this.

**DARIA: ** And I suppose the next time you have a personal crisis to deal with, you'll go pour your heart out to  your sisters.

**AMY:** Point taken.

**DARIA:** So... do you think it'll turn out all right in the end?

**AMY:** You're actually fishing for an optimistic response?

**DARIA:** I'm pretty desperate right at the moment. I'll settle for meaningless reassurances until something better comes along.

**AMY:** If you want me to say that the problem's going to go away and your summer will dramatically improve before it's out, I'd need rhinoplasty by the time I was done with all that B.S. But I don't think you have to worry about your parents splitting up over this, if that's what you're thinking about.

**DARIA:** Um... I wasn't, until you said that.

**AMY:** Oh... _(she looks a little guilty and embarrassed)_ Open mouth, insert foot, bite down real hard. Look, Daria, I've known Helen for over thirty years and -

**DARIA:** How much over thirty years?

**AMY: ** Don't go there. I have never, ever seen your mother give up on anything in her entire life. Sure, that stubborn pig-headedness got her into trouble sometimes, and it sure as hell made her a pain in the ass to deal with on a daily basis, not to mention completely unreasonable and utterly unable to look at things from someone else's perspective on anything -

**DARIA:** Your point?

**AMY:** Sorry. The point is, and I don't mean to rag on your dad, none of us thought she made a particularly good choice with Jake - and we told her so. But they stuck together for twenty-five years, which is twenty-four years longer than any of Rita's marriages and a hell of a lot longer than any of my relationships.

**DARIA:** Details?

**AMY:** On a cold day in hell. So I don't think she's going to give up so easily having gotten this far. I think you're stuck with both your parents for the long haul, Daria.

**DARIA: ** The problem is, I could sort of use Mom's help for the short haul. I need to go up to Boston in a couple of weeks and get a bunch of paperwork taken care of for college.

**AMY:** When were you planning on going?

**DARIA:** Tuesday, the first of the month. I was just going to get everything done in one trip so I didn't have to worry about registration or living arrangements or financing when I actually started school.

**AMY:** Smart.

**DARIA:** I suppose I could put it off until later, but then I might not be able to get the classes I want. Besides, trying to schedule around this wedding is next to impossible.

**AMY:** Daria, you know I'd go with you, but I have to work. I can't take off for a week on this kind of short notice unless someone dies.

**DARIA:** With all this family visiting, I'm sure that could be arranged. _(sighs)_ I appreciate the thought, but it really has to be Mom or Dad; and since it involves paperwork, that means Mom. They need all kinds of personal information like income tax returns, permission for me to live in the dorms, certification that I'm immunized, that sort of crap.

**AMY:** I thought you were eighteen by now.

**DARIA:** That doesn't seem to matter. Ever notice how you pay adult prices at movie theaters when you're twelve, but you can't get in to see the adult movies until you're seventeen? The problem with society today is that we have no idea when we finally become adults.

**AMY:** I wonder when it'll happen to me?

**DARIA:** Anyway, eighteen or not, Raft says I still need my mommy to hold my hand. I could always disown my parents and do it myself, but that might take a month or two and it really doesn't fit into my work schedule.

_Amy's car pulls up outside Helen's office._

**DARIA:** I'll just be a moment.

  
**  
  
INT: HELEN'S OFFICE**

_Daria opens the door to the office and flips on the light._

**MARIANNE:** Aaah!!

**DARIA:** Aaah!!

_Marianne jumps awake, having been napping in Helen's chair. A page of canary-yellow legal-sized office paper sticks briefly to her cheek._

**MARIANNE:** Oh God! Daria! I thought you were your mother!

**DARIA:** Please don't say things like that.

**MARIANNE:** I was just... I find it easier to think in a darker room...

**DARIA:** Funny, when I came in the lights were all on and you were typing away at your computer like a madwoman.

**MARIANNE:** _(relaxes a bit) _ Thank you.

**DARIA:** No problem. I'm just here to pick up some files.

**MARIANNE: ** Oh yes, that would be the black case, right here.

_Marianne hefts a case that must weigh fifty pounds._

**DARIA:** Great.

**ERIC: ** _(walking in)_ Helen? I heard you come in, and I was - Oh, it's you, Darlene.

**DARIA:** I was just leaving.

**ERIC:** This whole situation must be awfully rough on you and your sister Kim, isn't it? Listen, could you let your mother know that I'm here - that is, the firm is here to support her?

**DARIA:** I can tell you're doing everything in your power to see to it she's relaxed and secure in this, her time of need.

_Marianne snickers, covering up quickly enough that Eric doesn't notice._

**ERIC:** Fine, great.

_Daria drags the briefcase out, coughing slightly as she passes by Eric Schrecter._

**DARIA:** Damn, did someone break a bottle of Aqua-Velva out here?

_Eric looks self-conscious for a moment, then hurries back to his own office._

**  
  
  
INT: AMY'S CAR**

_Daria and Amy are almost back home._

**AMY:** You know, Daria, it might actually do you some good to head up to Boston by yourself. It'll give you a break from all this chaos at home.

**DARIA:** You're right. And I'm sure that by the time I get back, everyone will have worked everything out in a calm and rational matter thanks to Aunt Rita's brilliant leadership, my mother's keen grasp of family spirit, my grandmother's willingness to consider all points of view, my father's finely-honed crisis management skills, and Quinn's razor-sharp intellect.

**AMY: ** You forgot your Aunt Amy's subtle tact and diplomacy. I suggest that when we get back, you should probably drop off your mother's files and take off for the evening. I'll handle the necessary color commentary for the afternoon. Anything I should know before going into battle?

**DARIA:** Hm... well, I'm sure you know your own sisters, but one thing to be aware of is that my Grandma Ruth will feel severely outnumbered and will therefore fight like a cornered rat.

**AMY:** Good to know.

**DARIA: ** And you'll probably want to bunk in my room. The padded walls help muffle the noise.

**AMY:** Are you nuts? I got a room at the Dutchman Inn. I've logged enough hours under the same roof as Helen and Rita, thank you very much. In any event, I'll only be here through Sunday. No power in the universe could get me to stick around until the wedding.

_The car pulls up in front of the house._

**DARIA: ** Answer me this: why are you actually volunteering to step into this meat grinder? I have to, I live here, but you?

**AMY: ** If I weren't here, I'd spend the next year or more hearing about it. You wouldn't believe the grief I got simply because I didn't get the RSVP in for Erin's wedding on time. You think  your mother's bad? You should try dealing with the mother she learned it all from.

_As Daria and Amy get out of the car, Quinn comes running out of the house._

**QUINN:** Thank God you're back, it's a nightmare in there! Oh, hi Aunt Amy!

**AMY:** Hey Quinn. Holding up all right?

**QUINN:** Oh, you know me, I'm a survivor. But I could really use a break from all this. Hey, I've got a great idea! Why don't the three of us go out and get some pizza or something!

**AMY:** As much as I'd like to put off this particular Barksdale reunion a little longer, I'd better get in there. They can sense fear, you know.

_Amy heads into the house._

**QUINN:** Oh. Bummer. So Daria, shall we go?

**DARIA:** Did I say I wanted to go for pizza with you? Did I not, in fact, indicate rather strongly that I didn't want to?

**QUINN:** Well, I figured you'd rather do that than go in there and face the battle.

**DARIA:** While that may technically be true, there's two flaws in that argument. One, I intend to march straight up the stairs to my room where I can stare relentlessly at the ceiling, thus avoiding the battle. Two, even if I were to go out and get pizza, I'd do so by myself, and thus also eliminate the need to spend time with you. But don't let me stop you from going. In fact, don't ever let me stop you from doing that.

_Daria heads into the house, leaving Quinn alone on the walkway._

_From the open door..._

**RITA: ** _(from inside) _Black bridesmaid dresses? What is this, a funeral or a wedding?

**RUTH:** _(from inside)_ If we went with your suggestions, we'd have people wondering if it was a circus!

**AMY:** _ (from inside)_ Isn't it?

**RUTH:** _(from inside)_ Don't you start with me!

**QUINN:** Four... three... two... one...

_Daria re-emerges from the house. Further random shouting follows her out the door, followed by the sound of breaking glass._

**DARIA:** You did say you were buying, right? 

  
  
  
**INT: PIZZA KING**

_Daria and Quinn pick out a table and sit down with a pie._

**DARIA:** The guy behind the counter said this was the first time he'd ever prepared a half-cheeseless pizza. How can you get any fulfillment out of bread and sauce, anyway?

**QUINN:** Perfect complexion comes at a price, Daria.

**DARIA:** Ah, so we're going to talk about skin care. Gee, I'm so glad we did this.

**QUINN:** _(looks a little uncertain)_ Actually, I hoped we could talk about -

**VOICES: ** QUINN!!!

_Quinn and Daria look around, and see that Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie have burst into the restaurant with looks of horror on their faces._

**QUINN and DARIA:** What the hell?

_The three boys drop to their knees at Quinn's feet._

**JEFFY:** Oh God, Quinn! Say it isn't so!

**JOEY: ** Please, it can't be true!

**JAMIE: ** I'll kill myself! I'll hold my breath and die!

**QUINN:** What are you talking about?

**JOEY: ** Who is he?

**JAMIE: ** Where is he?

**JEFFY:** Why does  he deserve you?

**DARIA:** Hey look. A bonus pepperoni.

**QUINN:** Will one of you please tell me what's going on?

**SANDI:** Maybe you should be telling us, Quinn.

_Quinn looks past the boys, and sees that Sandi, Stacy, and Tiffany are also there. Actually, a lot of people are taking interest._

**STACY:** Quinn, I just want you to know that we're here for you.

**TIFFANY:** You should have told us sooner...

**QUINN:** Dammit, what's this all about??

**SANDI:** Like, did you really think you'd be able to keep this whole wedding thing a secret from your best friends? And more to the point, why did you feel you couldn't trust us?

**QUINN:** What? How did you find out about the wedding?

**DARIA:** _(raised eyebrow)_ Yes, Quinn, how did they find out about the wedding?

**JOEY: ** Oh God, it's true!

**JEFFY:** My life is over!

**JAMIE: ** _(sobs uncontrollably)_

**DARIA: ** _(frowning)_ You know what, Quinn? I don't think I want any pizza after all.

_Daria pushes her way past the crowd and leaves the restaurant._

**QUINN:** Daria! Wait!

**SANDI:** Well, Quinn? We're waiting for some kind of explanation here.

**STACY:** You're not... expecting, are you?

**QUINN:** **_STACY!!!!_**

**STACY:** _(ducking)_ Sorry!

**QUINN:** Look guys, there's just been a big misunderstanding! Nobody's getting married!

**JOEY, JEFFY, JAMIE:** Whew!

**BRITTANY:** _ (she's there too)_ But then, how come Daria just said there was a wedding?

**JOEY:** Oh God, she's right!

**JEFFY:** It's true! It's all true!

**JAMIE:** _(resumes sobbing)_

**QUINN:** Stop it! Just stop it!! Look, I can explain everything...

  
**_Fade out_** **_Fade in_**

  
**QUINN:** So it's really just a technicality, but the family decided to go ahead and make it a big deal because, you know, why not turn it into a reason to celebrate! 

**STACY:** Wow! Your parents are getting married!

**QUINN:** For the last time, they've been married for twenty-five years. They're just kind of renewing their vows.

**SANDI:** I see. So, I suppose you have some rational explanation as to why none of us have yet received invitations? Or have you decided that you don't need us to be your friends anymore now that the Fashion Club is defunct?

**TIFFANY:** Ew... that word...

**QUINN:** Um... don't be silly, guys! I'll make sure you're all on the guest list!

**EVERYONE:** Cool! All right! Yeah!

**QUINN:** Now I might not be able to invite any more than, say, twenty friends, but I'll see what I can do.

**JEFFY:** So, uh, you're probably going to need a date, right?

**JAMIE:** You should go with me!

**JOEY: ** Hey, I was going to ask her!

_The J's start arguing._

**QUINN:** Guys, stop it! Of course I'll need a date, but you have to give me some time, all right? I have a lot of other responsibilities to take care of. It's not every day that your parents have a wedding.

**KEVIN:** So... can I have some of your pizza?

_Everyone glares at Kevin._

**KEVIN:** What? We've been standing around here for over an hour! I'm hungry!

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER KITCHEN**

_It's nighttime. The kitchen is dimly lit, such that it's impossible to tell who's pouring a cup of coffee from a steaming pot. The loud sound of snoring comes from the living room._

_Quinn tiptoes in._

**QUINN:** _(whispering)_ Daria?

_The person turns around._

**AMY:** _(also whispering)_ Evening Quinn. Big date?

**QUINN:** Oh, hi Aunt Amy. I was hoping to talk to Daria.

**AMY:** You might want to reconsider that hope. She seemed pretty upset with you when she came home. I didn't get all the details, but she said something about how you couldn't keep your mouth shut with a staple gun. Then she started making plans to test that theory.

**QUINN:** _(sighs)_ It's not like that. _(reconsiders) _ Well, maybe it kind of is, but not really, because there is something I could see her being like that about but it's not the thing she thinks it is because she's really misunderstanding the wrong thing entirely.

**AMY:** Thanks for clearing that up. _(downs coffee in a gulp)_ Ugh! I hate this stuff.

**QUINN:** Why do you drink it?

**AMY:** Because my auto insurance premiums are high enough as it is. I need to stay awake for the trip home.

**QUINN:** Um... Aunt Amy, I know it's really late, but could I ride with you and then just take a cab home?

**AMY:** _ (raises eyebrow)_ A hundred and fifty mile cab ride might get a little pricey.

**QUINN:** But... Mom said you were staying at the Dutchman Inn!

**AMY:** Yeah, and I'm really ticked about not getting my deposit back. _(sighs)_ Look, I can't stay here. I've spent the whole day getting yelled at by both Rita and your grandmother. Both of them think I'm here just to spite them, and your mother is inclined to agree. I'm doing more harm than good, and I promised Daria I'd leave if that happened. It's not fair to anyone involved. So I'm just going to lay low until the wedding, and if that means I take some crap from my mother, then what else is new?

**QUINN:** Couldn't you stay for a little bit? I could really use someone to talk to.

**AMY:** Wish I could, but it's after midnight and I've got a three-hour drive ahead of me. Why don't you try talking to Daria?

**QUINN:** _(angry)_ What do you think I've been doing?

_The snoring from the living room is momentarily interrupted by a series of snorts, then quiets again._

**QUINN:** _(quieter_) I've been trying to talk to her for weeks. But she won't! I don't know why she's being so mean to me, I thought we were getting over all that.

**AMY:** Look, if it'll help, I'll suggest to Daria that she give you some time. I'd like to think that she and I have an understanding of sorts, maybe she'll take it to heart.

**QUINN:** Thanks.

**AMY:** But don't count on it. I don't think she's in the mood to take advice from anyone right now.

**QUINN:** I am. Got any advice?

**AMY:** _(smirking) _ Don't drink this coffee.

**QUINN:** _(rolls eyes)_ Yeah, I kind of figured that out.

**AMY: ** Seriously, though. Don't let yourself get caught up in all this mess. It'll all be over soon, and you don't need the stress when there are plenty of people itching to take it on themselves. You should just go through your summer the same way you would if this weren't even happening, and let it work out. Maybe Daria might feel a little more receptive after a few weeks. _(has a sudden thought)_ You know, you might ask if she wants some company on the Boston trip. That would give the two of you four days together.

**QUINN:** I guess I could try that.

**AMY: ** And now I really do have to go. Good luck, Quinn.

_Amy heads out, leaving Quinn looking sad and lonely._

  
  
  
**END PART FOUR  
(to be continued...)**   
  
  
  
  
  
**DISCLAIMERS:**

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

**Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!**


	6. Part Five

**COMMITTED

  


**a **Daria** fanfic 

by**  
Mike Yamiolkoski**  
  


**  
  
PART FIVE**

  
_**Three weeks later...**_

**  
  
  
INT: PIZZA KING**

_Daria and Jane are splitting a pizza._

**JANE: **You know, I think this is the first pizza we've shared since I got my job and you got your internship. I almost forgot how much we could pack away when we got together. What was this, a sixteen-inch pie? 

**DARIA:** _(indicates last slice)_ You gonna eat that? 

**JANE:** Not if I have to fight you for it. Anyway, thanks for picking up the tab, it's good to be able to sock away a little bit extra from my paycheck. 

**DARIA:** You can make it up to me when we get to Boston. 

**JANE:** Speaking of which, have you got everything squared away with that? 

**DARIA:** Still don't have a 100% commitment from my mom. Which sucks, because without her along, I can only get half the stuff done that I'd want to. Not only is she my ride, she also needs to sign a bunch of paperwork, which I could bring home and turn in late but that could cause all sorts of problems later on. _(frowns)_ What's really getting on my nerves is that Quinn keeps dropping all these hints that she wants to go too. It's like she thinks this is some kind of shopping excursion or boy-watching cruise. You'd think Little Miss "Me Too" would give it a rest just this once. 

**JANE:** You know I'd go with you if I could. Hell, I'd like the chance to tour BFAC, if nothing else. _(Sips soft drink until it gurgles)_ So, how goes the war of the wedding? 

**DARIA:** I haven't cracked yet, but I'm getting closer all the time. I'm actually putting in extra hours at Wallen and Shane just to stay away. You know, the worst of it is that it's all completely unnecessary. 

**JANE:** I know. Who cares if they're legal or not? My parents were hitched by a naked man on acid at a Grateful Dead concert, they're probably living in sin too. 

**DARIA:** No, I mean - really?

**JANE:** Of course not, I made that up. I actually have no idea how or even if they got married, but I had to come up with something just to maintain the status quo of my family being more screwed up than yours.

**DARIA:** Thoughtful of you.

**JANE:** What are friends for? You know, if things ever get too rough on the homefront, _ mi casa es su casa_. My offer of a place to crash still stands. 

**DARIA:** I'm not quite there yet. But thanks. 

**JANE:** Don't thank me too fast. You haven't actually tried living with the band yet. 

**DARIA:** They're still there? 

**JANE:** It's the only way they can be sure Trent will show up for practice on time. So, what did you mean when you said it's all unnecessary? 

**DARIA:** Well, I did a little research - 

**BRITTANY:** Oh, hi Daria! Hi Jane! 

_Daria and Jane look up to discover Brittany hovering over them. Astoundingly, she is not wearing her cheerleader's outfit, but rather a red shirt with white shorts. She has also elected to put her hair into a single ponytail._

**DARIA:** Brittany. 

**JANE:** Hey. 

_Brittany helps herself to a seat._

**BRITTANY:** So Daria, I hear your parents are getting married! That's so cool! 

**DARIA:** Actually, it's more like they're renewing their vows. 

**BRITTANY:** I still remember when my Dad married Ashley-Amber. I got to be a bridesmaid! It's really too bad Mom couldn't come, it's was a great party! 

**JANE:** Do tell. 

**DARIA:** Or don't. 

**BRITTANY:** Anyway, I just wanted to thank you and Quinn for inviting me and Kevin, but see, Kevin and I broke up and so he'll need his own invitation. 

**DARIA:** _(slight frown)_ I'll be absolutely certain I pass on that vital piece of information. 

**BRITTANY:** You know, I haven't had the chance to talk to you guys all Summer! What are your plans for next year, Daria? 

**DARIA:** _(sighs with resignation)_ I'm going up to Boston in the Fall for college. 

**BRITTANY: ** Really! I'm going to college too! Practically the entire cheerleading squad is going to Great Prairie State University! Their school colors are red and white, so I'm trying it out. Jane, you're an artist, what do you think? 

**JANE:** _(a bit miffed for some reason)_ Eh, fine. 

**BRITTANY:** And how's my hair? I decided it was time for a more grown-up, adult hairstyle. 

**DARIA:** Nothing says maturity like the ponytail. 

**BRITTANY:** So Jane, where are you going in the Fall? 

**JANE: ** You know what, Brittany? We really have to be going now. 

_Jane grabs Daria by the jacket and pulls her to her feet and toward the door._

**BRITTANY:** I'll see you guys at the wedding then, right? Oh, is it okay if I bring a date who isn't Kevin? 

**DARIA:** _(calling from the doorway) _Best kind! 

  
  
  
**EXT: PIZZA KING**

_Jane relinquishes her hold on Daria once they're outside._

**DARIA:** What was all that about? I mean, I'm not one to actually welcome a conversation with Brittany, but we still had pizza left. 

**JANE:** Mblgrml... 

**DARIA:** Huh? 

**JANE:** Nothing, nothing. It's not important. 

**DARIA:** Come on, Jane. I've been up to my lower lip in my own problems since the Summer began. You owe me one of yours. 

**JANE: ** It's just that... all the cheerleaders are going to Great Prairie State. 

**DARIA:** And that has to do with either of us how, exactly? 

**JANE:** Remember how I got two rejection letters last Spring? That was one of them. They took Lawndale's blondest, but passed on Jane Lane. 

**DARIA:** Oh. Well... who cares? You got into BFAC. 

**JANE:** It still rankles. I've been rejected by a college that took someone whose I.Q. and bust measurement are consecutive numbers. 

**DARIA:** Take it out on your window displays. There's got to be something nasty you could do to a bunch of blonde cheerleader-type mannequins. 

**JANE:** _(checks watch)_ Oh God, I'm glad you said that. I'm late for work. Can you get home okay without me? 

**DARIA:** _(sighs)_ I guess. 

**JANE:** Thanks. Oh, and in case I don't see you, have a good time in Beantown. Get me a souvenir! 

**DARIA:** I'll bring you back a Kennedy. 

  
  
  
** INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_Usual chaos. A large seating chart hangs on the wall, with red and blue tags indicating where people might sit (the red ones far outnumber the blues). Grandma Ruth and Rita stand arguing in front of it. Quinn and her friends sit in a circle around the brochure-covered coffee table. Smoke issuing from the kitchen indicates that Jake is probably cooking dinner, while Helen is nowhere to be seen._

_Daria enters._

**RITA:** A string quartet? This isn't a funeral, it's a wedding! It's a joyous, loving occasion to bring the entire family together and celebrate, you hag! 

**RUTH:** Oh sure, the entire family as long as they don't share the surname Morgendorffer! You do realize that your guests outnumber mine over four to one! 

**RITA:** Are we going to keep going over and over this until the end of time? It's not my fault that more people like Helen than Jake! 

**RUTH:** Well maybe the numbers would be a little more on the level if you didn't feel it necessary to invite your entire Divorce Survivor's Support Group! 

_Meanwhile..._

**QUINN:** What about this one? Blue goes so well with my hair, and it doesn't have the poofy shoulders. 

**STACY**: I don't know, I think the poofy shoulders are kind of cute. 

**SANDI:** Stacy, everyone knows that poofy shoulders were conceived solely in order to draw attention away from thick arms or necks that one sometimes can't avoid due to the need to select less attractive family members as bridesmaids. Are you suggesting that Quinn has such a problem? 

**STACY:** _(bored monotone)_ Of course not Sandi, I would never suggest any such thing. 

**TIFFANY:** Blue is so pretty... 

**SANDI:** I can't imagine why you didn't come to us before, Quinn. After all, even though we are no longer the Fashion Club in name, I would assume that we still exist in spirit. And this is unquestionably a matter that we ought to advise you on. 

**QUINN:** Well, you know, we were kind of supposed to keep it all hush-hush. 

**DARIA:** Not that the need for discretion mattered a whit to you when the chips were down. 

**QUINN:** Oh, Daria! Um... why don't you give us some input here? After all, you're going to be wearing the same dress. 

**DARIA:** You have got to be kidding. Excuse me, I have more important things to do. 

_Daria heads up the stairs, passing by her Rita and Ruth on the way. Meanwhile, the smoke issuing from the kitchen begins to turn from white to a darker, more ominous shade._

**RITA:** Now you listen. Because of you, I've cancelled the Mariachi band. Because of you, I'm forgoing the lava lamp centerpieces. Because of you, I've cut the fireworks display nearly in half. But the Pink Cadillac Limousine is where I draw the line! 

**RUTH:** A horse and carriage is traditional. I insist that there be some semblance of decorum at this fiasco! 

**RITA:** Decorum? Is that some nineteenth century word for terminally dull? Because - is something burning? 

_A scream issues from the kitchen._

**JAKE:** AAAAHHHH!!! HOT!! HOT!!! BLISTERS!!! _THIRD DEGREE BURNS, DAMMIT!!!_

**RUTH:** Jakey! 

**RITA:** What's that idiot done now? I would have thought even he could get a frozen lasagna right... 

**RUTH:** Oh, shut up, you heathen! _(runs to rescue Jake)_

_Daria comes calmly back down the stairs with a first-aid kit and a fire extinguisher, and heads into the kitchen. Spraying sounds issue from within. _

**SANDI:** Quinn, am I hearing things, or did you invite your cousin - oh excuse me, _sister_ - to assist in the determination of your wardrobe? 

**QUINN:** Well, I thought that - 

**SANDI:** It's a good thing I'm not overly sensitive to insults, or I might assume that you felt her advice on fashion would be of the same caliber as ours. 

**QUINN:** Oh _Sandi_, I _hope_ you don't think that. 

_Helen bursts in, cell phone attached to her face. _

**HELEN:** _(on phone)_ Yes, I'm serious! Pharmacon is losing business left and right just because of the hint of a lawsuit; you'd better believe we're going to counter-sue! And those number are a fair and accurate estimate of Pharmacon's losses over the next ten years thanks to your little snit! 

**RITA: ** Helen! Thank goodness you're here, that horrible woman is going to ruin everything we've spent over a month planning. 

**HELEN:** _(raising a hand in a futile effort to quiet Rita)_ Well, they will go public if this case sees the inside of a courtroom! You know perfectly well what the reaction of consumers will be when they catch sight of those bloody mutilated rabbits. 

**QUINN & FRIENDS:** EEEWWWWW!!! 

**RITA:** Helen, tell your mother-in-law that you want that limousine at the wedding! 

**HELEN:** _(on phone)_ Fine, then, we'll see you at the wedding! 

**RITA:** Who are you inviting now? 

**HELEN:** What? Oh... _(turns red, then mumbles into the phone)_ We'll see you in court, bye. _(hangs up)_

_Daria emerges from the kitchen, empty extinguisher in hand, a light coating of fire-resistant powder clinging to her jacket and dusting her hair._

**DARIA:** Hi Mom. Dinner's ready. 

**HELEN:** Thank God, I just have time to eat before I have to get back to the office. 

**RITA:** Do you like your lasagna well-done, or charcoal? 

**STACY:** Um, Quinn - 

**QUINN:** Don't worry, I've got plenty of carrots and celery stalks. 

**STACY:** Whew! 

**DARIA:** Mom, I hate to bring up something of importance at a time like this, but I want to make sure you remember that I'll be needing you to drive me to Boston tomorrow morning. 

**HELEN:** What? Daria, why do you wait until the last minute to tell me these things? 

**DARIA:** _(frowning slightly)_ I told you last month. And last week. And last night. And yes, now I'm telling you at the last minute. 

**HELEN:** Daria, this just isn't the best time for this sort of thing. Can't you put it off until after the wedding? 

**DARIA:** Raft doesn't arrange their orientation schedule around your redundant wedding plans. 

**HELEN:** Look Daria, I'm sorry but I just can't do it. I have a million things going on right now, and this is just one more thing I don't need. 

**DARIA:** _(livid)_ As long as I know where I stand._ (stomps off)_

**QUINN:** Hey Daria? 

**DARIA:** Shut up. 

_Daria heads back up the stairs and slams her door._

**SANDI:** Quinn, maybe we should come back some other time. 

**STACY:** Yeah. It's getting a little weird around here. 

**TIFFANY:** We'll get together later... 

**QUINN:** _(sighs) _I guess so. Come on, I'll walk you out. _(to herself) _And maybe stow away in Stacy's trunk. 

  
  
  
**INT: CASHMAN'S WINDOW**

_Jane is hard at work, having arranged the mannequins in frightened poses and erected twisty, gnarled gray trees in front of a foggy, spooky background. One of the mannequins is up in the largest tree, looming over the rest with a bloody chain saw and wearing a devil mask and black body stocking. The rest are clothed in various sexy underthings._

**VOICE:** Jane!

**JANE:** One second, let me get these panties on!

_The voice comes into the display - it turns out to be Theresa, formerly from Junior 5, now presumably at Cashman's._

**THERESA:** I hope you know how bad that sounded.

**JANE:** Why else did I say it? _(she pulls a pair of lacy pink panties onto the mannequin she was working on)_. What's up?

**THERESA: ** _(looking nervously around the display)_ Um... are you sure this is the best way to sell lingerie?

**JANE:** As I recall, Theresa, you questioned my gallows display too. As I further recall, sales of neckties hit an all-time high that weekend. Oh, since you're here, could you hand me that squeeze bottle of blood?

**THERESA: ** Ugh! _(picks up the bottle between thumb and forefinger and passes it over)_

**JANE:** Why are you here, anyway?

**THERESA:** Oh, yeah. You have a phone call.

**JANE:** _(raises an eyebrow)_ Somebody either doesn't know better than to disturb me at work, or knows me well enough to be aware that I'm mostly kidding when I say I'd kill them for it. That narrows it down to about two people. Male or female?

**THERESA:** I couldn't tell.

**JANE:** Ah, that would be Daria. I'll be right back. Don't let anyone mess with this, okay?

_Jane steps out._

**THERESA:** _(shudders)_ Who would dare?

  
  
  
**INT: CASHMAN'S OFFICE**

_Jane picks up the phone._

**JANE:** Hey, Daria.

_Split screen with Daria_

**DARIA:** How'd you know it was me?

**JANE:** I'd rather not say, if it's all the same to you. So, why do you risk the Wrath of Jane Almighty and disturb me while I'm creating?

**DARIA:** I need to ask an enormous favor of you.

**JANE:** Anything to further your debt to me. What's the favor?

**DARIA:** It involves getting out of bed at five AM tomorrow.

**JANE:** Hmm... I don't know, could I just give you a kidney instead?

**DARIA:** I have to be downtown in time to catch the first of three buses to Boston, whereupon I need to squeeze four days of activity into two so I can get home in time to be back at work on Friday. Of course, none of this would be necessary if my mother hadn't shown her usual standards of priority and insisted she needed to stay home and work on her big case and a totally redundant and unnecessary wedding instead of helping out her eldest daughter on one of about six occasions I've ever asked for it.

**JANE: ** As long as you're not bitter.

**DARIA:** So, can you help me out here?

**JANE:** _(sighs)_ I guess so. Besides, at the rate this window is going, I'll probably be here until three AM as it is. Might as well stay up an extra two hours.

**DARIA:** Did you manage to find a chain saw?

**JANE:** There was one in the manager's office. I didn't ask questions.

**DARIA:** So, I guess getting together is out of the question tonight?

**JANE:** 'Fraid so, amiga. I'll be having my dinner out of the vending machines. I finally managed to convince them to stock at least one type of non-diet soda. _(pause)_ Seriously, are you okay? You sound even more depressed than usual.

**DARIA:** I have plenty of reasons.

**JANE:** Can't argue with that. Listen, I gotta go, but I'll see you tomorrow at _(shivers)_ dawn.

**DARIA:** Thanks, Jane. I mean it.

**JANE:** Don't thank me until you get my bill.

_Jane hangs up._

_Split-screen goes away, leaving Daria in her room._

_There's a knock on her door._

**QUINN:** Daria?

**DARIA:** This room is under quarantine. Bubonic plague. Those infected break out in really nasty boils that scar the face permanently.

_Quinn enters anyway_

**QUINN:** Come on, Daria, it's not the end of the world. Maybe Dad could drive you.

**DARIA:** I need someone to sign important paperwork. Dad's so clueless he wouldn't have the foggiest idea what it's all about, and he'd bring it home to Mom anyway. Besides, thanks to his little incident with the oven, he won't be moving his fingers for a week.

**QUINN:** Oh. Well, I'll go with you, if you want the company.

**DARIA:** I'd rather be shipwrecked with the Donner party.

**QUINN:** Why are you acting like this, Daria? I mean, I even asked you opinion about the bridesmaid's dresses in front of my friends. Doesn't that count for something?

**DARIA:** Oh, well, thanks so much for acknowledging my existence, then. I never realized it was such a sacrifice. You're a regular Joan of Arc.

**QUINN:** Fine! Just go to Boston by yourself, then!

_Quinn exits in a huff. Daria lies still for a moment, then gets up and begins fiercely packing her bags._

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

**RUTH:** You're sure you're all right, Jakey?

**JAKE:** _(holding up hands swathed liberally in bandages)_ I'm fine, Mom, really. Um, could I have some more sesame chicken?

**RUTH:** Of course, dear.

_Ruth spoons some sesame chicken from a Chinese take-out box in front of her into Jake's mouth, while Rita snorts and rolls her eyes._

**HELEN: ** Well, I managed to scrape the rest of the lasagna off the baking sheet. Next time, Jake, don't try to cook using the self-cleaning cycle.

**RUTH:** Of course, he shouldn't have to be cooking at all.

**RITA:** Well, maybe if his wife weren't currently the sole provider for the household, he wouldn't have to.

**RUTH:** I don't remember inviting you into this conversation?

**RITA:** I don't need your permission to speak my mind!

_Daria drags her luggage down the stairs and dumps it unceremoniously by the door. She glares briefly at the back of her mother's head, then turns to go back up the stairs._

_The doorbell rings._

**RUTH:** Maybe you should consider that not everyone here wants to hear your opinions!

**RITA:** Why don't you try keeping your tongue on your own side of your teeth for a while!

_The doorbell rings again._

**DARIA:** _(throwing up her arms in despair)_ I'll get it. _(she answers the door without removing the chain latch, peering through the crack)_ Oh. Erin.

**ERIN:** Hey, Daria! Is my mom here?

** DARIA:** If I say yes, will you take her away? Just a second. 

_Daria closes the door a bit to remove the chain latch. When she opens it, she's surprised to see -_

**DARIA:** Erin, you're fifteen months pregnant.

_Indeed, Erin is as big as a house._

**ERIN:** I know! Isn't it great! I'm having twins! _(she waddles inside)_ They're not due for another four weeks, and technically I'm supposed to be on bed rest, but when I heard your parents were getting married again I had to come down here. This is so exciting! _(looks behind her)_ Come on, Brian, it's just a couple of bags! If I can carry this load around twenty-four-seven, I think you can manage with a few little suitcases!

_Daria looks down the walkway, and sees Brian struggling under at least a metric ton of luggage._

**RITA:** Erin! What are you doing out of bed! Daria, be a peach and unfold the sofa for Erin, she needs to keep her weight off her feet.

**DARIA:** Comparing me to fruit isn't the best way to elicit favors.

**ERIN:** It's fine, Mom, I can just lie on the couch.

**RITA:** Don't be ridiculous. Come on, Daria, can't you see your cousin needs some help?

_Daria grumbles and throws the door shut._

**BRIAN:** _(muffled)_ OW!!!

_The sound of avalanching baggage comes from the other side of the door. No one pays any attention._

**QUINN:** _(from the top of the stairs)_ Did I just hear someone come in?

**ERIN:** Hey, Quinn!

**QUINN:** Erin! Um... I didn't expect to see you!

**ERIN:** Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for the world! Oh, could someone get me a pillow for my lower back? And it's also nice if I can have a little bell to ring.

**DARIA:** I don't know how we would ever have gotten through this trying time without your invaluable assistance, Erin.

**ERIN:** Where's Brian?

_A feeble scratching at the front door answers her question. Daria opens it._

**DARIA: **Ah, Brian. I didn't recognize you without your pretentious smirk.

**BRIAN:** Mmphmmff!!

**DARIA:** Can you say that again without the garment bag in your mouth? Never mind, I have things to do. The room with the padded walls is mine; if those suitcases end up in it, they'll be on the back lawn by morning.

_Daria heads upstairs._

**HELEN:** Erin, it's great to see you, but what are you doing here? We weren't expecting you for some time!

**ERIN:** Well, we would have gotten a motel room, but Mother insisted that we stay with her so she could help me when I needed it.

**HELEN:** But the wedding isn't for another two weeks!

**ERIN:** What? The invitation said it's today! We would have been here sooner, but Brian didn't allow enough time for pit stops.

**BRIAN:** _(talking through the garment bag strap)_ I fed I waf forry!

**RITA:** Today? Didn't you get the new invitation?

**ERIN:** Just this one. _(she holds up a puce-and-vermilion card with gold lettering)_

**RITA:** Looks like "Jakey" forgot to send the update. Way to go, genius.

**JAKE:** _(self-depreciating)_ Aw, dammit...

**RUTH:** Don't you talk to my son that way!

**RITA:** Fine, you talk to him! Ask him who else he forgot to send the new invitations to, that's how many more guests we'll have showing up here tonight!

**RUTH:** Oh, will you give it a rest!

**ERIN:** Isn't anyone going to get me an extra pillow?

**HELEN:** Quinn, get your cousin a pillow. And while you're at it, get a sleeping bag out of the garage and move into Daria's room, we need to move Grandma Ruth upstairs.

**QUINN:** Daria's room? But -

**HELEN:** Don't give me any grief about this, Quinn! I have to get back to the office.

**RUTH: ** God forbid you should actually spend some time at home with your family -

**HELEN:** Oh, give it a rest, Ruth. _(heads out the door)_

**RITA: ** Yeah, give it a rest.

**RUTH:** You hush!

**RITA:** You!

**QUINN:** Oh!! _(throws her arms up and runs up the stairs)_

**ERIN:** Hello? My pillow?

  
  
  
** INT: DARIA'S ROOM**

_Daria is hefting bags onto her shoulders as Quinn shoulders her way in with a sleeping bag and a pillowcase full of other items._

**DARIA:** What do you think you're doing?

**QUINN:** What does it look like? I'm moving in. Erin and Brian are taking over the sofa bed and Grandma Ruth is in my room now. Don't think I'm any happier about it than you are.

**DARIA:** _(very angry) _That's it. I'm having a little talk with Mom.

**QUINN:** Better run fast, she's halfway back to work by now. Come on, it's only until the wedding, and you'll be in Boston for the next week anyway. _(sighs)_ Let's try to make the best of it, all right? I'll try to be nice to you if you can just extend me the same courtesy. Deal?

**DARIA:** Why should I be nice to you when this is all your fault?

**QUINN:** Huh? Look, I'm not the one who sent out the invitations, it's not my fault Erin's here two weeks early!

**DARIA:** And what about Aunt Rita?

**QUINN:** _ (nervously) _ Uh... what about her?

**DARIA:** Do you think I'm stupid? I couldn't blame you for that, really, I should have figured it out long before now. I know Dad wouldn't call her for any reason, and it's pretty unlikely that Mom did this as part of some harebrained scheme to get me to clean the guest room. I'm pretty sure I would have remembered calling her. Who does that leave? I'm in a generous mood, so I'll give you three guesses.

**QUINN:** I didn't tell Aunt Rita! It's not my fault her little brat couldn't keep her mouth shut!

**DARIA:** So you told Erin about this? Okay, what the hell did you do a thing like that for?

**QUINN: ** You don't understand, I had to tell someone!

**DARIA:** The way you have to tell someone who Sandi's dating, or what Stacy's wearing to the Prom, or that time that Tom accidentally fell asleep in my room until four AM? This isn't the latest piece of gossip, Quinn! This is something our own parents wanted a lid on, and as far as I'm concerned it's their business and they were right about keeping it quiet! I'd kind of rather I didn't know myself, to be honest. But you figure it's some kind of teenage secret you can whisper about behind their backs? You know Quinn, I actually thought you were smarter than that. I guess that's what I get for re-evaluating my original opinion about you.

**QUINN:** Daria, let me explain!

**DARIA:** No, if you'll excuse me, I'd really rather not talk to you at all right now. _(Daria picks up her remaining bags and storms out)_

**QUINN:** _ (sigh)_ So what else is new?

  
  
  
**END PART FIVE  
(to be continued...)**   
  
  
  
  
  
**DISCLAIMERS:**

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

**Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!**


	7. Part Six

**COMMITTED   
**a **Daria** fanfic by**  
Mike Yamiolkoski**  
  
**  
  
PART SIX**

  
  
**INT: DARKNESS**

_Quinn's eyes slowly open, revealing a human skull with glowing red eyes staring into her face._

**QUINN: **AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! 

_She bolts upright, stumbing backwards against a bookshelf, from which a human heart drops into her hands and sits there, still beating._

**QUINN: _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!_**

_Quinn drops the battery-powered heart and looks frantically around at the gray padded walls, the sawed-off bars, the various anatomical replicas. It soon dawns on her where she is._

**QUINN:** God, how does she wake up in this room every morning without completely losing her mind? 

_Rubbing her eyes, Quinn stumbles to the closet where she has a couple of her own clothes hanging. She pauses for a moment, her eye having caught the poetry carved inside the door._

**QUINN:** Eww! _(shudders)_ I am never hanging my clothes in here again... 

  
  
  
**INT: LIVING ROOM**

_Quinn yawns and stretches as she comes down the stairs. The daily planning of the wedding is already off and running. Helen's on the phone, Jake is being fed by Ruth, Rita is frowning at a Bridal magazine, Erin is eating ice cream straight from the container, and Brian (who looks like hell) is massaging Erin's feet._

**RITA:** Jake, would you please tell this woman from whose loins you squirted that there is nothing wrong with blue and orange for wedding colors? 

**JAKE:** Um... 

**ERIN:** A little more on the ankle, sweetheart. There's a really uncomfortable knot right there. 

**BRIAN:** Yes, dear. 

**RUTH:** Helen, will you please inform your colorblind sister that a black and white wedding has a long and proud tradition? 

**HELEN:** _(holding phone)_ Rita, please come to some sort of compromise. _(on phone)_ We can't have a counter-offer already, we just sent the initial offer last week! 

**ERIN:** Oh Brian, I'm out of ice cream. Could you get me some Rocky Road? A gallon would probably be enough.

**BRIAN:** I don't think there is any -

**RITA:** Then go get some! Jesus, Brian, a little ice cream doesn't sound like too much to provide in exchange for the well-being of your poor pregnant wife, not to mention my grandchildren! _(to Helen)_ Compromise? What do you think I've been doing since this old bat got here? But then, if you want your wedding to be one big compromise, that's your own lookout.

**RUTH:** Hmph! I can't imagine why all your marriages fell apart, with attitudes like that...

**RITA:** Of course, it's easy to stay married if you just play June Cleaver all your life and - _(sudden shocked expression)_ Good Lord, I'm going to be a grandmother.

**ERIN:** Mother, I've been pregnant for eight months! This is only just now occurring to you?

**QUINN:** Um... why don't we go with, say, blue and white? 

**ERIN:** Excuse me, those were my wedding colors! Doesn't  anyone consider other people's feelings around here? And Brian, stop sitting around being worthless and go get me some damned ice cream! 

**BRIAN:** Of course, dear. _(Brian makes for the door)_

**QUINN:** Um, I'll go get it if you'd rather stay here, Brian! 

**BRIAN:** _(whispering)_ Are you nuts? _(hurries out)_

**HELEN:** _(on phone)_ Fine, I'll be down at the office in a half hour!

**RUTH:** _(rolling eyes)_ Of course she will.

**HELEN:** _(angry)_ What was that??

**RUTH:** Oh, nothing. It only figures that you would run off to work just when your input is needed. This is your wedding, isn't it? I don't imagine your sister is quite ready for her fourth just yet.

**RITA:** Maybe she wouldn't have to run off to work if the so-called "Man of the House" brought in more than a two-figure paycheck.

**HELEN:** Rita, I don't need your help!

**RITA:** Oh, that's gratitude for you! Never mind that I've had to take over a month out of my life to be here for you!

**QUINN:** You go ahead, Mom. I'll stay and help.

**HELEN:** _(yelling)_ Quinn, I can handle this myself! _(Angrily pulls out cell phone and begins punching numbers)_

_Quinn looks momentarily stricken, then turns and marches back up the stairs._

**RITA:** You know, if I weren't here to stop you, we'd probably end up with some kind of dry military "ceremony".

**RUTH:** There's nothing wrong with that! It was good enough for my wedding!

**RITA:** That figures.

**RUTH:** If my husband were here, he'd put you in your place!

**RITA:** Oh, he'd try, but unfortunately for him, I'm not as spineless and weak as the rest of his family. 

**RUTH:** Now that's enough about -

**JAKE:** Ohh, do I hear that! Ol' Mad Dog Morgendorffer never let you forget who was really in charge!! I can see him coming through the door now... those beady little narrow eyes, that snarling lip under his beard, that haircut you could land a HELICOPTER ON -

**RUTH:** Jakey!!

**JAKE:** I WISH HE WAS HERE RIGHT NOW, DAMMIT!! I'D TELL HIM WHAT FOR!!

_The doorbell rings. Jake grabs it clumsily with his bandaged hand and throws it open, revealing tall man with beady eyes, a snarling lip under an iron-gray beard, and a severe flat-top buzzcut, dressed in a U.S. Marines uniform._

**MAN:** Hello, Jake.

**JAKE:** **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!** _(turns to run away and trips on the stairs, throwing himself spread-eagled onto the floor, where he curls up in a fetal position, whimpering)_

**ERIN:** Hey, pregnant woman here! Do you all want me to go into premature labor?

**MAN:** _(derisively)_ Same old Jake. Pathetic.

**HELEN:** _(angry)_ Just who do you think -

**RUTH:** Davy!

**MAN****:** Mom!

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER KITCHEN**

_Rita leans on the counter drinking wine from the bottle, while Quinn busies herself in the refrigerator. David Morgendorffer sits at the table with a beer in hand._

**DAVID:** So, Maria, you're through high school by now, right? Why're you still living at home?

_There's a brief pause, before Quinn realizes she's being addressed._

**QUINN:** Huh? Oh, I'm, er, still in high school, Uncle Dave. And it's Daria. Um, I mean, Quinn.

**DAVID:** _(not really listening)_ Sure, sure.

_Rita snorts disdainfully, taking another swig of wine._

_Helen enters with Ruth close behind. Most everyone looks anxiously up at them._

**DAVID:** Well? Is he going to live?

**RUTH:** Now, Davy...

**DAVID:** Little joke, Ma! Ha ha!

**HELEN:** _(dryly)_ Ha ha. He'll be all right. We managed to convince him his father hasn't returned from the dead.

**DAVID:** Maybe I should head up there and order him to do some pushups, eh? The boy's gone soft over the years, I tell you! Though that was a pretty impressive duck and cover, I'll grant him that.

**HELEN:** _(quickly, to change the subject)_ So, David, I haven't see you since your son's wedding! How is your family these days?

**DAVID:** Well, you can ask 'em yourself when they get here! Should be here in about an hour, plenty of time for ol' Squirrel Boy to get out from under the bed and show his face!

**RUTH:** Now Davy...

**QUINN:** Squirrel Boy?

**DAVID:** Anyway, Helen, we had a little trouble getting a room. Some kind of convention in town. We'll need to crash here for the night.

**HELEN:** _(frowning slightly)_ Well now, we're a little short on space -

**RUTH: ** Oh, I see. The Maid of Honor gets her own room at your home, but the Best Man needs to fend for himself in the street! Well, if we're really being that much trouble, I'm sure my son and I can find lodgings somewhere else!

**RITA:** _(addressing the room in general)_ Is her perpetual whining getting really old for anyone else yet? Let's see a show of hands.

**RUTH:** The way I see it, I shouldn't have to defend my place in this family every five minutes!

**HELEN:** Oh, don't be ridiculous, Ruth! We'll make room somehow.

**DAVID:** Hell, it's just for one night, Helen. I'm sure a room'll open up somewhere in town tomorrow, and if it doesn't, well that's just more time for me and Squirrel Boy to catch up on old times! _(swigs his beer)_

**HELEN:** _(through gritted teeth)_ That's wonderful, David. _(under her breath)_ Never mind that it violates my rights under the third amendment...

  
  
  
** INT: HELEN & JAKE'S ROOM**

_Jake is leaning on the mirror, looking at himself and breathing deeply as if trying to psych himself up._

**JAKE**: Come, on, Morgendorffer. You can do this. It's just for a few days.

**QUINN:** Um, Daddy?

**JAKE:** GAAHHH! I mean, hi Quinn!

**QUINN:** Daddy, everyone's wondering when you'll be coming back down. Well, Grandma is, anyway.

**JAKE:** Oh, I'll be down in a minute! Just needed a moment alone, you know... to uh... see if there was some food stuck in my teeth!

**QUINN: ** Okay.

_Quinn makes no move to leave. It takes Jake a moment to realize she's still standing there._

**JAKE:** Is, er, everything all right?

**QUINN:** _(deep breath)_ Dad, can I ask you a personal question?

**JAKE:** Um...

**QUINN:** What's the deal between you and Uncle Dave, anyway?

**JAKE:** Well, you see, I just hadn't seen him in so long, and he always looked a lot more like Dad than I did, so it was kind of like seeing the old man all over again, you know? He just, er, startled me a bit.

**QUINN:** He scared you silly.

**JAKE:** _(not missing a beat)_ That's another way of putting it, sure.

**QUINN: ** So, why don't you come back downstairs then?

**JAKE:** Well, I just had to get myself together, clean myself up, change my pants -

**QUINN:** Da-ad! I don't want to know about that! I just mean, since he's not your father who terrifies you, why are you still hiding up here?

**JAKE:** Hiding? _(turns to face mirror)_ Who's hiding? I'm not hiding, this is  my house! I'll go downstairs if I want to, dammit!

**QUINN:** Great, because he wants to know who to invite to your bachelor party.

**JAKE:** Bachelor party? _(actually looks a little happy) _ I get a bachelor party? Wow!

**QUINN:** Yeah, he said all his old friends couldn't wait to see you again, and -

_The smile vanishes from Jake's face, which goes blurry before him in the mirror..._

  
_**Flashback**_

  
_The blurry face refocuses into a much younger Jake, no more than ten or twelve. He's pedaling down the street on his bicycle (slowly) and the tail of his Davy Crockett hat catches the wind. He looks perfectly happy, until -_

**VOICE: ** Hey, Squirrel Boy!!

_Jake tries to dodge as a number of older boys leap out in front of him, but it's too late. One of them, obviously his older brother, grabs the bicycle and drags it to a halt. Jake tries to jump and run, but trips and falls in the street instead._

**DAVID:** Got 'im!

**BOY:** Whatsa matter, Squirrel Boy? Gonna cry? Got a boo-boo on your knee?

**JAKE:** _(pouting, trying hard not to cry)_ Don't call me that!

**DAVID:** Why not, Squirrel Boy? You got the tail for it!

_David grabs Jake's cap and twirls it around his head by the tail._

**JAKE:** Give that back!

**DAVID:** What, this? _(he holds out the cap, but snatches it away at the last moment and tosses it to one of his friends)_ Yo, Ted!

**TED:** Got it! Hey Squirrel, want your tail back?

_Jake runs over to Ted, but his cap is gone by the time he gets there._

**BOYS:** Keep Away!! Come on, Squirrel Boy, you can run faster 'n that! You want it? Come get it!

_The boys throw the cap between them as Jake runs in circles trying to get it back. Eventually, Dave gets it again._

**DAVID:** Come on, guys, enough's enough. I think it's time we give it back. C'mere, Squirrel.

_Jake approaches his brother, panting for air._

**DAVID:** We'll put it right where you can get it. Here!

_David whips the hat into the air, over Jake's head, to land in the upper branches of a tall tree._

**JAKE:** No!!!

**TED:** What's the matter? I thought Squirrels liked trees.

**DAVID:** Better go get it, Squirrel. You'll need to climb higher things than that tree when you get shipped off to Buxton next year.

**JAKE: ** But... I'm going to tennis camp!

**DAVID:** _(laughs)_ Yeah, right. You'll be  begging for the days that you just had to chase after your cap once Corporal Ellenbogen gets through with you. _(gives Jake a shove toward a tree)_ Now get up that tree before the other squirrels turn your cap into a nest!

_The boys all leave, laughing. One of them takes Jake's bicycle just for grins, leaving Jake looking with trepidation up into the branches of what seems to be a very, very tall tree. A real squirrel is already taking interest in his cap._

**JAKE:** Mommy...

  
**_End Flashback_**

  
_Jake stands outside the kitchen, listening to his older brother laugh raucously about something - the same laugh he remembers from his childhood. With a deep breath, he bravely heads into the kitchen._

**DAVID:** Hey, Squirrel Boy!

  
**_The next evening...  
_**

** INT: MOTEL LOBBY**

_Daria approaches a pay phone, picks it up, and dials a number_

  
  
  
**INT: LANE LIVING ROOM**

_The usual clutter of the Lane family home is slightly more chaotic than usual, mostly due to the presence of the band equipment and the band themselves, sleeping in various pieces of furniture._

_The phone rings, causing little stir._

_It rings again._

_A boy of around seventeen strolls into the room. He's thin and lanky, with longish hair that looks like he cuts it himself without the benefit of a mirror, and a black T-shirt that's definitely seen better days. He also looks like he's trying desperately to grow a goatee, but it's not coming in well. He picks up the phone._

**BOY:** Hello?

_Split screen with Daria_

**DARIA:** Um... hi. Is this the Lane house?

**BOY:** Uh-huh.

**DARIA:** Is Jane there?

**BOY:** I'll check. _(lowers phone slightly)_ **JANE!!!**

_Daria winces. The band members stir a bit, all but Trent, who maintains the outward appearance of a fresh corpse._

**JANE:** _(from upstairs)_ **WHAT??**

**BOY:** **PHONE!!!**

**JANE:** **OKAY!!!**

_Jane picks up the phone. Split screen switches from the living room to her room._

**JANE:** Daria? That you?

**DARIA:** Yeah. I'm still in Boston. Who was that?

**JANE: ** Oh, that was Jesse's brother Danny. He's crashing here now too. Had some fight with his mother and she threw him out, or something.

**DARIA:** We should all be so lucky. Any other new guests?

**JANE:** Don't you worry, amiga, I'm holding a bed for you if you need it.

**DARIA:** I might. Right before I left -

**JANE:** Quinn moved into your room, I know. I stopped by there today to drop off your hydroencephalic skull replica that I was using for last week's baby clothes display.

  
_**Flashback**_

  
**EXT: MORGENDORFFER HOME**

_Jane comes jogging up the street, a backpack slung over one shoulder. When she gets within sight of Daria's house, she stops and takes in the scene: four cars in the driveway, five on the street, a camping trailer set up alongside the garage, a motorcycle on the front lawn. A single broken window next to the door has been replaced by a sheet of plywood._

**JANE: ** Not good.

_Taking a deep breath, she goes up and rings the doorbell, ignoring the muffled sound of not-entirely-friendly conversation from within the house._

_After a long moment, the door flings open._

**QUINN:** _ (without looking)_ The invitations were printed with the wrong date, the wedding's not happening for another - Oh, Jane, it's you!

**JANE:** Um, hi Quinn. I came over to drop this off for Dar -

_Quinn grabs Jane by the collars with both fists._

**QUINN:** _(hissing whisper)_ You've got to get me out of here!

**JANE:** _(icy calm)_ Unhand me.

**QUINN:** Huh? _(seems to realize what she's doing)_ Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's been kind of tense around here lately.

**JANE: ** The heck you say.

**QUINN:** Seriously, you have to help me! I can't take much more of this!

**JANE:** What the hell do you want me to do?

**QUINN:** Um... maybe we could go shopping?

_Jane crosses her arms and looks at Quinn as if she's offered to dance a tango with her. Then -_

**HELEN:** _ (from inside)_ Quinn! I need your help in here!

**QUINN:** Ooohh! Coming!

_Quinn leaves a slightly bewildered Jane on the doorstep._

**JANE:** Forgive the transgression on your family's private matters, Daria, but this I gotta see.

_Jane heads inside, where she sees..._

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_What was once chaos has degenerated into utter pandemonium. With wide eyes, Jane takes in the scene: Ruth and Rita are involved in yet another argument, this time apparently over the decorating scheme at the reception. David Morgendorffer is entertaining a number of people, including cousin Doug and his family, by relating embarrassing stories of Jake in his youth - Jake sits off to one side, being humiliated. Helen (whose hair has definitely seen better days) has set up a temporary office in one corner of the living room. There are a number of people whom Jane doesn't recognize. Above the general hullabaloo, she catches bits of conversation..._

**DAVID:** So we get back from the twenty-mile hike, and Jake's struggling to breathe by now. He's so exhausted that he doesn't even look before flopping down to the ground - remember this one Jake?

**JAKE:** _ (looks like he doesn't want to)_ Uh...

**DAVID:** Splatt! Right on top of the biggest pile of elk turds you've ever laid eyes on! Ha-ha!

**ERIN:** _ (still on the sofa)_ Could somebody get me another pillow before my spine is bent permanently out of shape? Where is that worthless man who did this to me??

**RUTH:** _ (to Rita)_ Do you own stock in the crepe paper industry? That's the only explanation I can offer for this mess!

**RITA:** Get this past your rapidly thinning gray hair into your thick head, already! This is a festive occasion! Crepe paper and balloons are things you see at such things! You'd know that if you'd been invited to one single party since the Eisenhower administration.

**RUTH:** This is not some chance for you to re-live your youth, Missy! This is my son's wedding!

**RITA:** It's a good thing we're not trying to re-live your youth. Everyone would be showing up in leopard skins and clubs!

**HELEN:** _ (on phone)_ What do you mean, they've subpoenaed the 1998 human trial reports? Those were supposed to be shredded, dammit! _(pause)_ Look, they signed waivers, every damn last one of them, and so what if they have a little trouble completing sentences now, they can just - one moment, I've got another call.

**SANDI:** All right then, I think we've determined contingency plans for wardrobe and accessories for each proposed decorating scheme. Tiffany dear, you're quite certain that the florist will be providing red rose bouquets for each table?

**TIFFANY:** Or tropical fruit displays... they still haven't decided...

**STACY:** This is so hard! No wonder the bride always wears white, how else are you supposed to coordinate!

**DAPHNE:** _(bridesmaid from Erin's wedding)_ It's too bad you're not bridesmaids, it would all be figured out for you!

_Shocked looks from all three other girls_

**SANDI:** And surrender our wardrobe autonomy?

**TIFFANY:** Never...

**STACY:** Poor Quinn, having to wear that awful dress!

**DAVID:** Yep, ol' Jake had to set up his sleeping bag fifty yards away from the rest of us, just in case some grizzly got a whiff of the dung all over his sorry hide. Some fun, eh Squirrel?

**JAKE:** _ (sigh)_ Some fun.

**ERIN:** If I don't get a pillow in ten seconds, _ asses will be kicked!!_

**RITA:** Why don't you just worry about the rehearsal dinner, and let me worry about - what's this? _(takes a closer look at the brochure she's been waving around)_ This is a cake brochure! Did you order another _cake_??

**RUTH:** Well, I was afraid someone might mistake yours for the stage, and start playing music on it!

**RITA:** It took me weeks to find the right cake! Weeks of searching, interviewing, taste testing - 

**RUTH:** _ (mean smile) _That part shows on the hips, you know.

**RITA: ** _ (practically screaming)_ It does not!

**HELEN:** _ (on phone)_ Yes, I looked at the latest settlement offer, and it's completely inadequate! Mr. Royce would have a stroke if he saw these kinds of concessions. They're suing us for ten figures, we countersue in the same ballpark or we look like pushovers! And Helen Morgendorffer is not a pushover!

_Helen is suddenly pushed over as Rita runs past her to the bathroom._

**JANE:** Unbelievable.

**LUHRMAN:** _(suddenly standing next to Jane)_ It's like the invasion of Normandy. Without the ocean. _(looks at Jane)_ Bride or groom?

**JANE:** Neither, actually. You?

**LUHRMAN:** Does it matter?

**JANE:** Guess not. _(sizing him up)_ Do you know Daria, by any chance? For some reason, I think you two would hit it off.

**LUHRMAN:** Meeting Daria was the definitive turning point of my entire life.

**JANE:** _ (raised eyebrow)_ Really?

**LUHRMAN:** That, and guessing two out of seven numbers in last week's Powerball.

**JANE: ** Sorry I asked.

**LUHRMAN:** I accept your apology.

**JANE:** R-right.

**QUINN:** _ (running up to Jane)_ Jane, can you come up to Daria's room with me for a sec? There's something I need to show you.

**JANE:** _ (pulling out skull)_ Well, I do need to put this -

**QUINN:** Great!

_Quinn grabs Jane by the arm and drags her up the stairs, causing Jane to drop the skull. Luhrman picks it up._

**LUHRMAN:** _(disappointed)_ Hm. Plaster.

  
  
  
**INT: DARIA'S ROOM**

_Quinn drags Jane into Daria's room and shuts the door behind her._

**JANE: ** Hey, hey, slow down! You don't have to pull my freakin' arm off!

**QUINN: ** Sorry. We might not have much time. I really need to talk to someone.

**JANE: ** Look Quinn, I appreciate that you're going through a rough period, but there's a simple truth that you need to realize here, which is that I'm not your confidante. Forgive me for being blunt, but we aren't even casual friends.

**QUINN:** _ (sits down on bed)_ I know, but... Jane, I don't know what to do! I've tried talking to my own friends, and their response was to come down here and join in the planning! And every time I try to talk to anyone else, they either ignore me or things just get worse. I'm at the end of my rope, Jane!

**JANE:** Quinn, you're taking it all too seriously. It's not your problem; why are you stressing over it?

**QUINN:** But if it wasn't for me...

**JANE:** Yes?

**QUINN:** Never mind. Look, can you do me one favor?

**JANE:** No promises.

**QUINN: ** Could you ask Daria to talk to me? Please? I know she's mad, but I really need someone right now. And since we have to share a room until this is over, we could at least try to support each other.

**JANE:** Quinn, I may be Daria's best friend, but I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. Frankly, I'm surprised she's stuck it out this long. I'll tell her what you told me, that's the best I can do.

**QUINN: ** _ (sighs)_ All right.

**JANE:** I have to go. I have things to do and if I don't get out of here soon, I'm afraid I never will.

**QUINN:** I know the feeling.

_As Jane turns to go, she hears a little sob from Quinn. An expression of pity falls over her face. She starts to turn back, when -_

**RITA:** _ (from downstairs) _Quinn!! Could you bring a pillow down here for your poor bedridden cousin?

**QUINN:** Coming!

_Quinn slips past Jane, her eyes dry. Jane watches her go, then follows._

  
**_End Flashback_**

  
_Back to split-screen with Jane and Daria on the phone_

**JANE:** That's when I left. I considered going back later to string up crime scene tape just to protect innocent passerby. Then I remembered I'd need it for my next window display.

**DARIA:** After I get back home, you'll probably have the opportunity to collect more tape.

**JANE: ** So, are you sure you don't want to come crash at my place?

**DARIA:** _ (sigh)_ I'll think about it. You know, it's really a matter of pride. I don't want to be the first one to crack.

**JANE: ** Enough about the hell at home. How are things going up there?

**DARIA:** They suck. I was able to get the classes I wanted, but all the single dorm rooms filled up on Monday. I might have been able to get one if Mom had driven me up. As it is, I'll probably end up in a four-person suite. And when they say "suite", they mean two bunk beds and a sink.

**JANE:** See? Running water! How cool is that?

**DARIA:** We might want to start looking into apartment options as soon as you get here. The school regulations say I have to stay in a dorm room for the first year, but they might bend the rules a bit if I strangle one of my roommates. Hopefully, one of them will have red hair and dress fashionably so it'll be easier.

**JANE:** You know, Quinn did seem pretty broken up. Maybe you should try talking to her.

**DARIA:** _ (frowning)_ Why should I when this is all her damned fault?

**JANE:** Huh?

_The phone beeps._

**DARIA:** I'll have to tell you later, my card's almost run out. Can you pick me up at the bus station at about noon on Saturday? I don't think I can count on my parents to do it.

**JANE:** Sure. We'll go get cheese fries and you can vent your spleen a little. _ (pause)_ Daria?

_The phone has gone dead. Jane hangs it up, leans her chin on her hand, and sighs._

**  
  
  
END PART SIX  
(to be continued...)**   
  
  
  
  
  
**DISCLAIMERS:**

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

**Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!**


	8. Part Seven

**COMMITTED   
**a **Daria** fanfic by**  
Mike Yamiolkoski**  
  
**  
  
PART SEVEN**

  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_It's late at night. Quinn tiptoes softly down the stairs, still in her pajamas, past the hide-a-bed where Erin is sleeping and the floor right in front of it where Brian is crashed. The rest of the living room is still in a state of disarray from whatever went on the previous night. On her way to the kitchen, Quinn is interrupted by the sound of a car pulling up to the driveway, and the clear sound of a door slamming shut. The car drives off again._

**QUINN: ** _(whispering) _What now?

_With a sigh, Quinn goes to the front door to see who's coming up the walk. Her expression goes from trepidation to relief as she realizes who it is and opens the door._

**QUINN:** _(still whispering)_ Daria! You're back early!

**DARIA:** Don't remind me. It was all I could do not to just stay in Boston.

**QUINN:** Well, I'm glad you're back -

**DARIA:** Excuse me. What gave you the idea that I'm here to make your life easier? Newsflash, Quinn: I. Am still. Angry. With you.

**ERIN:** _(from sofa)_ Could you guys keep it down? It's hard enough to sleep when you're being kicked to death from the inside!

**DARIA:** It's great to be home.

_Daria hefts her bags and carries them up the stairs. After a long moment, Quinn follows._

  
_**The next day...**_

  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER KITCHEN**

_Rita is on the phone when Helen comes in in full gotta-get-to-the-office rush._

**RITA: ** All right then, we're locked in, right? The band will definitely be there?

**HELEN:** _(rushing about grabbing coffee, bagel, briefcase)_ Can't stay, a million things to do, way behind, got to run!

**RITA:** Helen, slow down! I need to talk to you about something.

**HELEN:** Rita, I can't -

**RITA:** Jesus Christ, Helen, will you get some sense of priority? You're getting married in less than a week, and there are important things to take care of! _(back on phone)_ You remember our deal, right? If some woman named Ruth calls, you smile and nod, then do what I've already arranged. There's an extra c-note for you in it if the band shows up despite her. _(pause)_ Good, we understand each other.

_Rita hangs up._

**HELEN:** I really have to get to work, Rita. There's a terribly important meeting today.

**RITA:** You don't consider your wedding dress to be important? I hate to break it to you, but you're not twentysomething anymore. If I were you, I'd make damn sure that the dress I was in for my wedding didn't call too much attention to anything that's sagged over the last few years.

**HELEN:** You know this from experience, do you?

**RITA:** _(livid)_ That's it! I've bent over backwards and put my life on terminal hold to pull this wedding off, and all you can do is make snide remarks! Well you can just have your wedding without -

**RUTH:** _(entering)_ Without what?

**RITA:** Without... without worrying about a thing, because I'm on top of it! Come on, sis, let's get you a dress.

**HELEN:** Rita, I don't have time for -

**RITA:** HELEN, STOP WHINING AND COME WITH ME TO GET YOUR GODDAMNED WEDDING DRESS!!

_Rita forcibly drags Helen out of the kitchen._

**HELEN:** All right! As long as I'm back at work by noon -

_The front door slams shut._

_Ruth looks a bit confused for a moment, shrugs, and goes to the refrigerator to pull out bacon, eggs, sausage, etc._

_David walks in, on his cell phone._

**DAVID:** _(on phone)_ Yeah, I know, it's messed up, but this is Squirrel Boy we're talking about. So, you'll be there?

**RUTH:** Davy! Could you go tell Jakey that I'm making breakfast, and I need to know if he wants three or four eggs?

**DAVID:** Sure, Ma. _(on phone)_ Yeah, we're gonna hit the Liquid Dinner, then the Jiggly Room. _(chuckles)_ Squirrel Boy won't know what hit him!

**RUTH:** Oh, you're taking Jakey out tonight? That's so thoughtful of you, Davy.

**DAVID:** _(hanging up phone)_ Well, you know me, I'm always looking out for the little shrimp.

**DARIA:** Excuse me.

_Daria comes into the kitchen, extracts a pair of Pop Tarts from the cabinet, and puts them into the toaster._

**RUTH:** Daria, put those things away! You need a good, healthy breakfast inside you to start the day off right!

_Daria watches as Ruth unwraps a stick of butter, drops it in a huge frying pan, follows it up with a package of bacon, and then starts cracking eggs into it._

**DARIA:** Um... no thank you, Grandma. I'm allergic to eggs.

**RUTH: ** Oh, don't be ridiculous. If you can eat those horrible artificial things, you can eat anything. How do you like your bacon?

**DARIA:** Actually, I really should be going now. But thank you, Grandma. It's a relief to know that the family medical history isn't due to genetics.

**RUTH:** _(not listening)_ What was that, dear?

_Daria grabs her Pop Tarts and slips out quickly, narrowly missing a stumbling, tired-looking Brian on the way._

**ERIN:** _(from living room)_ Don't forget the onions!

**BRIAN:** Yes, dear.

_Brian goes to the refrigerator and pulls out pickles, mayonnaise, sandwich bread, and a large onion._

_Jake and David enter the kitchen a moment later._

**JAKE: ** Well Dave, I just don't know if tonight is the best time. See, Helen was really hoping we could both be home to kind of finalize things so we're not waiting until the last minute.

**DAVID:** Jesus Christ, Squirrel, do you ask her permission to wipe your ass?

**RUTH:** Davy!

**DAVID:** Sorry, Ma. Hey, that looks good!

**RUTH:** _(instantly pacified)_ Of course it does, I'm your mother. Sit down, boys. And Jakey, you really should go have some fun with your friends tonight. Davy will only be in town for a short time, you know!

**DAVID:** Sorry I can't stay longer!

_David slugs Jake on the arm, hurting him._

**BRIAN:** 'Scuse me.

_Brian walks back out of the kitchen, pickle-and-onion sandwich in hand._

**ERIN:** _(from living room)_ I said toast! TOAST, you pathetic waste of space!!

_The plate and sandwich comes flying back into the kitchen._

**DAVID: ** What is it with this family that they turn all the men into women?

_Jake frowns a bit and continues to rub his arm, but says nothing._

_Quinn enters the room._

**QUINN:** Hey everyone, can't stay to talk, gotta get to the mall!

**RUTH:** Now Quinn, you're not going anywhere until you've had a nourishing breakfast.

_Ruth sits Quinn down at the table and presents her with a plate piled high with deep-fried bacon, three fried eggs, and a generous stack of buttered toast._

  
  
  
**EXT: OUTER SPACE**

_The Earth turns placidly in its orbit as a piercing shriek penetrates the icy stillness of space._

**QUINN:** _** EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!**_

  
  
  
**EXT: LANE HOUSE**

_Daria steps up and rings the doorbell. After a moment, Trent answers._

**TRENT:** Hey Daria.

**DARIA:** Trent? What are you doing up? It's not even ten o'clock yet.

**TRENT:** Yeah, I know. Me and the guys just started staying up later each night until we worked our way around the clock. I think I lost two or three days in there somewhere.

**DARIA:** Is Jane around?

**TRENT:** Nah, she's at work. 

**DARIA:** _(downcast)_ Oh.

**TRENT:** You want to come in for a bit anyway?

**DARIA:** No, I think I'll just head down to the mall, check out Jane's new windows.

**TRENT:** Aw, come on. The windows aren't going anywhere. Hang out with us.

**DARIA:** We're not worthy. We're not worthy.

**TRENT:** _(laughs, coughs)_ You're funny, Daria.

_Daria heads inside._

  
  
  
**INT: MALL**

_Quinn and her friends walk through the mall together._

**STACY:** I haven't been shopping in what feels like days!

**TIFFANY:** I know... it's like, we have so much catching up to do...

**QUINN:** Guys I don't mean to be rude, but I'd kind of like to just get my bridesmaid's dress and go. I'm not really in the mood for a major shopping trip today.

**STACY:** _(sympathetic)_ Oh, don't worry, Quinn. It'll be all right.

**SANDI:** Of course it will, Quinn. There's no need for you to deprive yourself of life's little pleasures simply because your home life has been thrown into utter turmoil.

**QUINN:** _(slight frown)_ It's not that, I just don't much feel like shopping today. I wouldn't even be here if I didn't have to get that stupid dress.

**TIFFANY:** Quinn... are you feeling all right?

**STACY: ** You really don't sound like yourself today.

**QUINN:** _(angry)_ You know, just because I don't want to shop it doesn't freaking mean that I'm brain damaged or something!!

**SANDI:** All right, Quinn. We believe you. There's no need to become agitated.

**TIFFANY:** We're just concerned about you, that's all...

**QUINN:** You're right. I'm sorry. I shouldn't be taking this out on you guys. It's just been hard, that's all.

**STACY:** Don't worry, Quinn. We'll be here for you.

**SANDI:** You can always depend upon your true friends, Quinn.

**TIFFANY:** Oh look... Junior Five has the new fall fashions in early...

_Sandi and Stacy dash off after Tiffany, leaving Quinn by herself._

**QUINN:** _(sneering)_ Yeah, thanks for being dependable.

_She turns away and heads off alone._

  
  
  
**INT: LANE KITCHEN**

_Trent throws a bag of popcorn into the microwave and fires it up._

**TRENT:** So, I gather the summer's kind of sucked for you, huh Daria?

**DARIA:** That's a mild way of putting it. I mean, it's not like I went into it with any degree of optimism, but everything's just gone from bad to worse. And I was really hoping my last summer at home would be at least tolerable, if not enjoyable.

**TRENT:** Hm. So, you think you'll be leaving for good? Not coming back for the summer, or anything?

**DARIA:** Well, I'm spending the first semester in the dorms, but after that I was hoping Jane and I could get an apartment. I've done a little research, and they charge you a lot more if you sign a lease for just the length of the school year. It's also easier to find a place if you're willing to go for a longer term. So, more than likely we'll be going up to stay.

**TRENT:** You'll be home for Christmas and stuff, though, right?

**DARIA:** Christmas, sure. Maybe a few other holidays. Mostly, though, I just want to put some space between me and this town.

**TRENT:** Yeah, I can hear that. Lawndale gets old on you after a while. I'm just waiting for the Spiral's big break so we can hit the open road.

**DARIA:** Might want to consider some new transportation while you're at it.

**TRENT:** Ah, the Tank's got another hundred thousand miles left in her.

_Ding._

**DARIA:** Popcorn's done.

**TRENT:** Yeah, but it's not safe to open that microwave for another two minutes. You know, radiation.

**DARIA:** Sure. Anyway, I think I'll be going now.

**TRENT:** Gotta get to that internship thing, huh?

**DARIA:** No, it's my day off. I just... need some time alone.

**TRENT:** _(slight frown)_ Then, why'd you come over here?

**DARIA:** _(confused)_ Um... I figured there'd be nobody home?

**TRENT:** It's just... _(pauses)_ never mind.

**DARIA:** What?

**TRENT:** Well, all this talk about you leaving town makes me realize that I'm gonna kind of... miss having you around.

**DARIA:** _(blushing)_ Um, thanks.

**TRENT:** Why don't you hang out with us for a bit? Me and the band, we've got some new stuff we're working on. It'd be really cool if you'd hang around and tell us what you think of it.

**DARIA:** I guess I could do that.

**TRENT:** It'll take your mind off all that's going on in your life. Music's good for that.

_Trent grabs the popcorn from the microwave with a pair of barbecue tongs and carries it out of the room with him. After a moment's introspection, Daria follows._

  
  
  
**INT: MALL**

_Jake is at "Sharp Dressed Man", a tuxedo shop. He's dressed in a maroon ruffled nightmare from the 70's, looking at himself in the three way mirror._

**JAKE:** Are you sure this is the tuxedo I ordered? _(winces)_ Ouch! Watch it!

**CLERK:** Hold still please, sir. _ (sticks another pin into the cuff)_

**JAKE:** It's just a little... more  decorative than I thought it would be.

**CLERK:** Last one we had in stock, sir. It was either this or basic black.

**JAKE:** _(brightens) _ Oh! Well then, couldn't we just - OUCH! DAMMIT!!

**CLERK:** Hold still please.

_David comes out of the dressing room. He's in a black, modern, elegant tux that looks great on him._

**DAVID:** Hey, Squirrel Boy! _ (stifles a laugh) _ Looks good!

**JAKE:** _(a little angry)_ Could you not call me - OW!!

**CLERK:** Sorry sir, hold still please.

**DAVID: ** _(looking at himself in the mirror)_ I don't know, maybe I should go with my dress uniform. The rest of the guys will probably be wearing theirs.

**JAKE:** What other guys?

**DAVID:** Well, it's not like you actually had any friends to be the groomsmen, so I invited some of mine to fill the empty slots. Just to keep it even on both sides.

**JAKE:** _(downcast)_ Oh. You know David, about that bachelor party, maybe it would be best if -

**DAVID:** Hold it right there, Jake! That sounds a lot like you're thinking of wimping out! You're not wimping out, are you?

**JAKE:** No! It's just that... there's so much going on as it is, maybe we should... just... not do it.

**DAVID:** _(disgusted) _Jesus, Squirrel, when the hell are you gonna grow up? You've been spineless since the day you were born, you know that? After everything Dad ever did for you, I can't believe you turned out like this.

**JAKE:** _(going into rant mode)_ Everything he did for me, oh, sure. He did plenty for me,  dammit! He made sure I cowered under his boot my WHOLE DAMN LIFE -

**DAVID:** Give it a rest.

**JAKE:** _(meek)_ Okay. _ (wince)_ Ouch.

**CLERK:** Please hold still, sir.

  
**_Meanwhile, in the shop just across the hallway..._**

  
_Helen is standing on a revolving platform at "Bouquet Boutique", a bridal shop. She's decked out in a high-necked and very ornate white gown covered with sequins, flowers, ruffles, and lace. It billows balloonlike around her legs and the train reaches practically out the door._

**HELEN:** You know, Rita, this is a little more dress than I had in mind.

**RITA:** Are you nuts? You look great, Helen! Besides, you're a little past the point where you can get away with something simpler.

**HELEN:** And what's that supposed to mean? OUCH!

**SEAMSTRESS:** Hold still, dearie. I'm having enough trouble with your body as it is.

**RITA:** See?

**HELEN:** Oh, shut up, both of you.

**RITA:** _(aside to seamstress)_ Pre-wedding jitters. Don't pay it any mind.

**HELEN:** You know Rita, sometimes I think this whole thing has gotten a little out of hand. Maybe we should just -

**RITA:** Just what?

**HELEN:** What I mean is, it might be better if we went with something simpler all around, that's all.

**RITA:** Well, you could have picked sometime before the eleventh hour to tell me that! I swear, sometimes I get the impression that you don't appreciate all the backbreaking effort I've put into this for you!

**HELEN:** Rita, of course I appreciate it, but don't you think it's just a wee bit over the top?

**RITA:** Well excuuuuse me for wanting to do something special for my sister!

**CLERK:** Miss? Your dress is ready.

_The clerk holds up a white dress that's far simpler and altogether more attractive than the flowing horror draped around Helen._

**RITA:** That's great, thanks! _(to Helen)_ Look Helen, I know you're nervous, I felt the same way before all my weddings. But you can't back out now!

**HELEN:** Who said anything about backing out? OUCH!!

**SEAMSTRESS:** Mother Nature didn't see fit to preserve your waist terribly well, did she dearie?

**RITA:** That's the spirit! Now, let's get this finished so we can go pick out accessories.

**HELEN:** Rita, I don't want to rain on your parade, but I really do need to get back to work. I'll... _ (swallows hard)_ I'll trust your judgment.

**RITA: ** All right, go back to work then. I'll see you tonight. Remember, we still have to finalize everything.

**HELEN:** How could I forget?

_The clerk return with Rita's dress._

**RITA:** Great. Charge it. Bye Helen!

**HELEN:** Bye Ri- OW!!

  
**_Meanwhile, down the Mall a little ways..._**

  
_Jane is in the Cashman's window, taking down a scene reminiscent of one of Emperor Caligula's wilder parties._

**SANDI: ** Um, Jane?

_Jane looks surprised. She turns around._

**JANE:** Sandi? What are you doing here in Men's Intimates?

**SANDI:** _(a little hesitant)_ Er, I was wondering... have you seen Quinn?

**JANE:** Not today. Why, was she supposed to be here?

**SANDI: ** No... it's just, I thought you might have seen her.

**JANE:** Sandi, what's going on.

**SANDI:** _(looking out the window at the passing crowds) _Could we maybe talk about this someplace else?

**JANE:** _(raised eyebrow)_ I guess. Give me a hand with this underwear, will you?

_Jane walks out with a Mannequin under one arm. Sandi gingerly picks up the box of tighty-whities that Jane indicated, and follows._

  
**_A bit later..._**

  
_Jane and Sandi are out by the loading dock._

**SANDI:** So, it was sometime between then and when we passed J. J. Jeeters that we lost her.

**JANE:** Maybe she went in there?

**SANDI:** _(rolls eyes) _You've got to be kidding. In any event, it occurred to me that perhaps Quinn felt we were giving insufficient attention to her concerns -

**JANE:** You blew her off.

**SANDI: ** - and, being the caring and supportive sort of friends we are, we decided we should find her and explain that that was simply never our intention.

**JANE:** Well, if I see her, I'll tell her you're out looking. But it's my guess that she's probably not here anymore.

**SANDI:** _(sigh)_ I suppose that's a possibility. _(Digs out appointment book)_ Let's see now, Robert is busy with the football team, she wouldn't have called him, or anyone else on the team either. Corey, of course, had that regrettable accident with the misfired bottle rocket on the Fourth of July... Matthew is on vacation... Adam is a possibility, except Quinn isn't speaking with him this week -

**JANE:** What are you doing?

**SANDI:** _(looks at Jane as if she were stupid)_ I'm trying to determine who is the most likely candidate for her ride home. Now, let's see... Zachary moved to Utah, which is a bit further away than would really be practical... Skyler is a distinct possibility, except that she went out with him just last week and of course it would be imprudent of her to call upon him too often, it might give him ideas -

**JANE:** Ten to one she took the bus.

**SANDI:** _(raises eyebrow)_ Excuse me, but you obviously have no insight into the behavior patterns of the popular. Now, there's no chance she called Calvin, he's been compelled to use his mother's station wagon since his own car was rolled last month -

**JANE:** By the way...

**SANDI:** _(irritated)_ Yes?

**JANE:** _(quietly)_ How have  you been? You know, since... that day.

**SANDI:** Oh._ (also quietly)_ I've been all right. Same problems, but I'm... dealing with it.

**JANE:** _(normal voice)_ Well. Good luck finding her, then.

**SANDI:** Thanks.

_Jane__ picks herself up and gets back to work. Sandi goes back to her book for a moment, then seems to decide that it's hopeless and walks back out into the mall._

  
  
  
**EXT: MALL**

_Jake, still in his tuxedo, exits the mall with David (who's changed back into regular clothes)._

**JAKE: ** I still don't get it. Why did you want me to wear it home? I feel a little, you know, conspicuous.

**DAVID:** Home? Who said anything about going home, Squirrel?

**JAKE:** Huh?

_Suddenly a huge Chevy Suburban screeches up in front of Jake. Four or five guys jump out and grab him by each limb._

**JAKE:** GAAAHH!!

**DAVID:** You remember the guys, don't you Jake? Come on, let's go!

_Jake is tossed into the back of the truck, the door slams on him, and as everyone scrambles aboard it tears off._

_A moment later, a bus goes by in the opposite direction. Quinn's face is clearly visible through the window._

  
  
  
**INT: LANE BASEMENT**

_Trent and the band are performing while Danny Moreno works the sound equipment._

**TRENT:** Noises like I've never seen, colors I can smell!  
It all explodes like Krakatoa blowing all to hell!  
It fries my mind, eats my brain, leaves my soul scarred -  
The dimensional wormhole... IN MY BACK YARD!

**REST OF THE BAND:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

_Daria listens impassively on a nearby distressed couch, earmuffs protecting her against amps turned up to eleven._

**TRENT:** It leads to another place, far away from here!  
Anything it swallows up will simply disappear!  
It warps the world around it, it leaves the air charred -  
It's the dimensional wormhole IN MY BACK YARD!!

**REST OF THE BAND:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

_With a final crescendo of guitars and drums, the song growls to a halt._

_Daria blinks._

**TRENT:** So, what do you think? It's a work in progress.

**DARIA:** It's... like nothing I've heard before.

**DANNY:** She means it sucks, guys.

**DARIA:** That's not what I said.

**DANNY:** It's what you should have said.

**JESSE:** Hey, chill out, Danny. Daria's cool.

**MAX & NICK:** Yeah, Daria's cool.

_Daria looks a little embarrassed at this unexpected outpouring of support._

**DANNY:** Uh... sorry. But the song still sucks.

**TRENT:** Hm... maybe you're right. Should we put back the verse about the green card?

**DARIA:** Where did you come up with this, anyway?

**TRENT:** See, last week we fried an amp, and we dragged it outside so it could smoke itself out. And now it's, like, just gone.

_pause._

**DARIA:** I see.

**DANNY:** Wait, was that the Fender Frontman 25R?

**JESSE:** Yeah. Weird, huh? Just vanished.

**DANNY:** I'm sitting on it.

**TRENT:** Oh. _(shrugs)_ Okay guys, "Sub-Zero" in G.

**DARIA:** You know, I think I'll be going now. Sorry I couldn't be more help, but I'm just not much of a music critic.

**TRENT:** That's okay. I'll tell Janey you stopped by.

**DARIA:** Thanks, Trent. _(she leaves)_

  
  
  
**INT: JIGGLY ROOM**

_The strip club is dim and smoky, obviously not terribly high-class. Jake is sitting front and center at the main stage, watching a nubile young woman gyrate around to Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff". He looks dreadfully embarrassed. David plunks down into the empty chair next to him and slaps a shot glass into his hand._

**DAVID:** C'mon, Jake! Bottoms up! _(he drains his own drink in a shot)_

**JAKE:** Uh, thanks! _(tries to throw his down the same way, and chokes on it)_

**DAVID:** Ha-ha, that's the stuff, Squirrel Boy! _(to waitress)_ Yo, gorgeous! Let's have another round, my brother's gettin' married!

**JAKE:** _(hiccups)_ Uh, Dave, six drinks is kind of my upper limit, you know?

**DAVID:** Aw, don't be such a troll, Jake! Get with the program! _(elbows Jake in the stomach)_ Will you look at the jugs on this one?

**JAKE: ** Ooof! _(turns green)_ I'll... be right back.

**DAVID:** Hey, leave the tip money, will ya? Gotta stuff those panties if you want a good show!

_Jake squeezes out of the crowd by the stage, stumbling back into the men's room. Inside, he locates a stall and throws up into it._

_  
**Moments later...**_

_  
Jake emerges from the stall and staggers to the mirror, adjusting his tuxedo._

**DeMARTINO:** EXCUSE me.

**JAKE:** Oh, sure.

_Jake and DeMartino wash their hands side by side, then suddenly stop and slowly look up. They see each other in the mirror, and turn to look at one another with blank expressions._

**JAKE:** Er... it's a bachelor party... I mean...

**DeMARTINO:** Yes... well... _(clears throat)_

_pause._

**DeMARTINO:** We never saw each other here.

**JAKE:** Sounds good.

_DeMartino leaves quickly. After a moment of just standing there, Jake does the same._

  
**_Back at the stage..._**

_  
Jake sits back down, only to have another, larger drink shoved into his hand._

**DAVID:** In your eye, Squirrel!

**JAKE:** Um... _(sighs, and drinks it down)_

**DAVID:** _(addressing his buddies)_ Hey guys, it it just me or does the guest of honor here need a little more encouragement to get in the spirit!

**JAKE:** Actually, I -

**DAVID:** Let's get him onstage! Lap Dance! Lap Dance!

**JAKE:** Really, it's not -

**GUYS: ** LAP DANCE!! LAP DANCE!! LAP DANCE!!

**JAKE:** _(small voice)_ Help me!

_Jake is manhandled onto the stage by David and friends, along with a wad of cash. He stands there looking like a deer in the headlights._

**DAVID:** Come on, Squirrel! Dance with the girl!!

_As the stripper approaches, Jake steps back involuntarily and stumbles off the stage. The crowd cheers wildly._

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_Arguments about the wedding - what else?_

**RUTH:** _(screeching at Rita)_ What do you mean, you'll be bringing a date? Where is he supposed to sit?

**RITA: ** Well, I assumed that was a forgone conclusion! I'm a young woman, you know, I still have prospects!

**HELEN:** Now Mom, I'm sure we could find some room for him. These plans aren't so inflexible that -

**RUTH: ** Hmph! I should have expected you'd take her side regardless of anyone else's feelings.

**RITA: ** What's the matter with you! She's getting married in a couple of days, and you're jumping down her throat?

**HELEN:** Now Rita, I'm sure she just -

**RITA:** _(turning on Helen)_ You don't need to defend her!

_Daria emerges from the kitchen wearing large industrial earmuffs and carrying a sandwich on a plate. She picks her way across the messy floor (still covered with brochures, catalogs, samples, etc.)._

**ERIN:** _(taking Daria's sandwich)_ Oh great, I'm starving.

_Daria looks at her empty plate, tosses it aside, and heads up to her room empty-handed._

**RITA: ** And another thing, I have had it up to here with your constant butting in! Everything I do is somehow not up to your standards! No wonder your son turned out to be such a neurotic!

**RUTH:** Well, I never! Jakey is a bright and sensitive boy, and you should be so lucky to find someone like him!

**RITA:** I prefer a man, thank you very much.

**HELEN:** Rita! That's just uncalled for!

**RITA:** Oh, come on, Helen, wake up and face reality! To tell you the truth, I can't figure out why you aren't taking this golden opportunity to get rid of the sap!

_Meanwhile, Daria rounds the top of the stairs and goes into her room, slamming the door shut. She completely ignores Quinn, who's sitting at the top of the stairs, looking scared and worried._

**RUTH:** I don't have to stand here and listen to this!

**RITA:** Well who invited you here in the first place, anyway?

**HELEN:** Shut up.

**RITA: ** What?

**RUTH:** Well, it's about time -

**HELEN:** Both of you just SHUT UP!!

_Helen turns around and kicks the nearest thing she sees, which happens to be her briefcase. The case goes flying across the room and pops open on the opposite wall, sending the contents flying._

_There's a moment of stunned silence. Then -_

**DAVID: ** _(bursting through the front door)_ Hey, what's shakin'!

_David makes way for Jake to get dragged in by a couple of his "buddies"._

**JAKE:** Not another bar... not another bar...

**RUTH:** Jakey! What did they do to you?

_Jake looks up. His eyes are seriously red, his face definitely green, his tuxedo stained and mussed. He looks like hell._

**DAVID:** Aw, come on, Mom! We were just showing him some fun!

_Jake stumbles across the room, looking around confused._

**JAKE: ** Hey, this is my house! Who wants a martooni?

**DAVID:** Will you get a load of this party animal? He never quits!

_Jake lurches across the living room and runs face first into the modern art painting behind the sofa. He backs up for a couple of feet, glaring at it._

**JAKE:** I hate this thing. _ (he turns to face Rita)_ Why the hell did we buy this piece of crap, Helen?

**RITA:** _(momentarily taken aback)_ Er...

**JAKE:** _(trying to focus)_ Helen? When did you bleach your hair? I thought you said red covered up the gray better.

**HELEN: ** _(cross)_ I'm over here.

**RITA:** _(mumbling)_ This is  natural blonde, for your information...

**JAKE: ** Huh? Oh, Helen! Hey, have you ever had a lap dance? Some fun, ha HA!!

_Helen squeezes her eyes shut, trying desperately to control herself._

**HELEN:** Get out.

**JAKE:** Huh?

**HELEN:** Get OUT! All of you, just get OUT OF MY HOUSE!!

**JAKE:** _(seems to sober up a bit)_ Wait, Helen! I'm sorry, I didn't mean -

_Helen pushes both him and Rita aside, and runs up the stairs. Quinn is no longer there._

**JAKE:** Helen!!

_The door slams upstairs, leaving an uncomfortable silence._

**ERIN:** She can't kick me out, I'm on bed rest.

**RITA:** It's just the stress talking. And, of course, her idiot husband coming home drunk didn't help matters.

**DAVID:** Oh, lighten up! Just because no one else around here has a sense of fun -

**JAKE:** _(quietly)_ Mom, could you give me a ride to the Motel Six?

**RUTH:** Now Jakey, this is your house and I won't allow her to just throw you out on the street! You just let me go up there and have a talk with her -

**JAKE:** Mom, I really can't deal with this right now, could you please just give me a ride?

**DAVID:** Jesus Christ, Squirrel Boy, did you ever have a problem you didn't run away from?

**JAKE:** I told you -

_Jake suddenly turns and cracks his right fist across his brother's face. David spins around with the impact, trips over Helen's briefcase and lands on the coffee table, breaking it in two and scattering brochures everywhere._

_There's a moment of stunned silence._

**JAKE:** _(through gritted teeth)_ Don't call me Squirrel Boy.

_With that, Jake turns on his heel (taking a moment to recover his balance) and stomps out of the house, slamming the door behind him._

_The silence continues for another moment._

**BRIAN:** What is it with this family and weddings?

**RITA:** Shut up, you twit.

  
  
  
**INT: LANE LIVING ROOM**

_The doorbell rings, several times._

**JANE:** I'm coming, I'm coming! Keep your pantyhose on!

_She reaches the door and opens it. Daria is standing there, her face blank of expression but obviously only through tremendous effort. She carries a suitcase in one hand and a bag over one shoulder._

**JANE:** Daria? Are you all right?

**DARIA:** No.

_There's a momentary pause._

**JANE:** Come on in.

**  
  
  
END PART SEVEN  
(to be continued...)**   
  
  
  
  
  
**DISCLAIMERS:**

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

**Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!**


	9. Part Eight

**COMMITTED   
**a **Daria** fanfic by**  
Mike Yamiolkoski**  
  
**  
  
PART EIGHT**

  
  
**INT: HELEN'S OFFICE**

_Helen is on the phone, Marianne works feverishly, other assistants rush about. Helen's hair is in disarray and she looks a good deal more frazzled than usual. This is a woman very near the end of her rope._

**HELEN:** No, Mr. Royce, I assure you, we anticipated a development much like this and we are well-prepared for it! _(pause)_ Yes, I know, but we're accustomed to dealing with expert witnesses that are advanced in years and it's not at all unusual for one of them to develop dementia over time! We have plenty of other sources we can turn to. _(pause)_ The latest counter-offer? It's... _(waves frantically at Marianne)_

**MARIANNE:** Fifteen minutes!

**HELEN:** Yes, it'll be on its way in ten minutes, we're just punching the covers! _(pause - then, through gritted teeth)_ No, Mr. Royce, you just enjoy your vacation. I hear the Bahamas are lovely this time of year. _(hangs up)_ Arrogant son of a bitch!

_Marianne looks up at that, then goes back to her typing. Helen starts to dig through some papers, most of which get knocked onto the floor. She reaches down to pick them up, and comes across a hard object, which she picks up from under her desk. When she turns it over, she discovers that it's her photo of her Commitment Ceremony, which she had knocked off her desk almost two months previous._

_A teardrop falls onto the glass as she stares at the picture._

**HELEN:** Marianne?

**MARIANNE:** Yes, Helen! Ten minutes!

**HELEN:** Screw the ten minutes. Let them have it as it is.

**MARIANNE:** I'm typing as fast as I - what?

**HELEN:** Just send it off exactly the way it is. The offer is ludicrous anyway, it's not like it'll be accepted.

**MARIANNE:** Well... okay, I can do that.

**HELEN:** And after that -

**MARIANNE:** Yes?

**HELEN:** Go home.

_The rest of the staff stops in their tracks and stares._

**HELEN:** What, have you all forgotten where you live? Finish what you're doing and go home! It's not like we haven't put in a forty-hour week already. Dear God, it's only Wednesday morning and we've already worked a full week...

**MARIANNE:** Helen, are you -

**HELEN:** Please! Don't ask me if I'm feeling all right. I don't think I could handle that question right now.

**MARIANNE:** Um... all right, I'll just send this off and then... go home.

**HELEN:** Thank you.

_Helen puts her head down on her desk as everyone leaves. Marianne hesitates for a moment at the door, then steps timidly out._

_After a moment..._

**ERIC:** Helen?

_Helen looks up with red, puffy eyes. Eric is standing in the doorway of her office._

**HELEN:** _(flustered)_ Oh! Eric, hi! I was just, er, taking a moment to rest my eyes.

**ERIC:** _(sympathetic)_ Helen, Helen. It's no shame to admit you're overwhelmed.

**HELEN:** Overwhelmed? Who's overwhelmed? I'm just as whelmed as I need to be, no more, no less!

**ERIC:** I just saw half our paralegals walk out the door after having signed out for the rest of the week. Now, I know you're having troubles at home, maybe you've bitten off more than you can chew.

**HELEN:** Really, Eric, I'm perfectly fine.

_Eric closes the door._

**ERIC:** Helen. Please talk to me. I appreciate your dedication, but it won't do the firm any good if you work yourself into a straitjacket before the Pharmacon case is settled.

**HELEN:** _(deflates)_ Oh, Eric. It's just been so hard lately. I thought it would be just a simple matter of filling out some paperwork and making it all legal, but everything's just become so complicated... and me, a lawyer! Why couldn't I just have taken care of it quickly and efficiently?

**ERIC:** Take it from someone who knows. Domestic issues are never quick and easy. I think they taught us both in law school that there's no such thing as a simple divorce.

**HELEN:** Oh, I don't even want to hear that word right now. It strikes a little too close to the bone, you know?

**ERIC: ** I understand.

**HELEN:** Just a few more days and it'll all be legal, official, and over. _(chuckles) _ My God, I've almost forgotten what it's like to have a quiet house.

**ERIC:** It'll be lonely from time to time, won't it?

**HELEN: ** Believe me, there are certain people I won't miss one little bit.

**ERIC:** I hear that. It's incredible how those closest to you are the ones who can get under your skin the most. Listen, Helen, why don't you just go home for the day? Mr. Royce won't be calling again, the latest counter-offer is in the can, there's no need for you to stay around.

**HELEN:** _(sighs)_ Home is the last place I want to be. You know, I really can't blame Jake for leaving.

**ERIC:** Helen, don't be so hard on yourself. You're a very attractive and desirable woman, and if Jake can't see that, that's his own lookout.

**HELEN:** _(starting to cry again)_ You don't understand... I threw him out! How could I do that to my poor husband - oh, I don't even know if I can really call him that any more!

**ERIC:** Give it time, Helen. It'll sort itself out.

**HELEN:** Four days. Four days and it finally will be sorted out.

**ERIC:** That's the spirit.

**HELEN:** _(stands up)_ You know Eric, I think I will go home. I'm certainly not doing any good around here.

**ERIC:** You know where to reach me if you need anything.

**HELEN:** Thank you, Eric. _(sniff)_ You know, I have to admit I didn't expect you to be this supportive. I'm... sorry for doubting your compassion.

**ERIC:** _(softly)_ I'm a very compassionate man, Helen. I can't always show it because I have to run this office. But I'm glad I was able to let the barriers down a bit when you needed it most.

**HELEN:** Oh, Eric...

_Helen gives Eric a big hug, then turns and walks out. Eric is left with his eyes closed and his lips puckered. He opens one eye to see what happened to Helen and notices she's gone._

**ERIC:** _(quietly)_ Drat.

  
**  
  
INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_The atmosphere is a good deal more subdued than it has been. Ruth and Rita have taken to setting up on opposite sides of the living room. Erin sits on the couch watching TV, munching on a large bag of fried pork rinds. David Morgendorffer is slouched in a chair with a large ice bag over one eye, his foot propped up on what's left of the coffee table._

**TV (SSW ANNOUNCER):** Today on Sick Sad World - meet the woman who creates fantastic works of art out of common dried cattle dung!

**TV (WOMAN)**: See, y'all stack two of 'em together like this, hold the top one up with some straws, and add a few horses cut from cardboard, and y'all got yerself a lil' ol' merry-go-round! Course you'll wanna add some sequins and lace to make it purty.

**TV (SSW ANNOUNCER):** Astounding!

**TV (WOMAN):** Lemme show y'all how to make a dinner plate!

_Quinn comes downstairs, looking tired._

**ERIN:** Eww!! How can anyone watch this stuff!

**QUINN:** Erin, can we talk?

**ERIN:** Not now, I'm watching this.

**QUINN:** Erin, please, it's important!

**ERIN:** Oh all right, what do you want?

**QUINN:** _(looks over at her Uncle David, and decides he's not listening)_ Um... remember back a couple of months ago when I told you about this whole thing going on with my Mom and Dad, and asked you not to tell anyone else?

**ERIN:** I guess so.

**QUINN:** Why did you go and tell your mother?

**ERIN:** Oh, was I not supposed to?

**QUINN: ** _(a bit angry)_ Well, that is what "don't tell anyone else" means.

**ERIN:** Well really, Quinn, you don't think I could keep something that good all to myself, do you?

**QUINN:** Yes, I expected you to keep it to yourself! It was supposed to be private!

**ERIN:** Then what did you tell me for?

**QUINN:** I just needed to talk to someone!

**ERIN:** Hey, just leave me alone, all right! I'm a pregnant woman!

**QUINN: ** Ohhh!

_Quinn gets up and stomps out, slamming the door._

  
**  
  
EXT: LANE RESIDENCE**

_Quinn knocks on the door._

_After a moment, Jane answers. She looks a little disheveled, as if she was sleeping._

**JANE:** Quinn? What do you want? 

**QUINN:** I need to talk to Daria. 

**JANE:** _(a little peeved)_ Quinn, we've been through this. Daria doesn't want to see you or anyone else in her family right now. And I worked really late last night, so - 

**QUINN:** Please, Jane, just let me talk to her! 

**JANE:** No. She's not even here, she's at her internship. 

**QUINN:** Then I'll wait 'til she gets back. 

**JANE:** No, you won't. She's been through enough already. 

**QUINN:** And I haven't? 

**JANE:** From what I understand, this mess is at least partly your fault. Now please go away, I've only had four hours of sleep. 

**QUINN:** You can't just - 

**DARIA:** Never mind, Jane. I'll handle this. 

_The door opens wider and reveals that Daria is standing there. She looks very peeved._

**JANE:** Try to keep the blood spillage to a minimum, okay? We just hosed down the walk two summers ago. _(Jane heads into the house)_

**QUINN:** _ (deep breath)_ Please, Daria, I really need to talk to you. Could I come inside? 

**DARIA:** No. 

**QUINN:** Then will you come out? 

**DARIA:** When I'm good and ready. And that won't be until you're long gone. 

**QUINN:** I'm not leaving until you talk to me! I don't care if I have to stay out here all day and all night, I'm not going away until you stop being so damned stubborn and - 

**DARIA:** I'm being stubborn? That's rich, Quinn. 

**QUINN:** Yes, you are! You can't just turn your back on everyone in your family, you know! 

**DARIA:** Watch me. _(she turns her back)_

**QUINN:** Very funny, Daria. This is all one big joke to you, isn't it? 

**DARIA:** _(not turning around) _Do I look like I'm laughing? 

**QUINN:** Do you ever? 

_Daria's expression goes from peeved to furious. She advances on Quinn, who suddenly looks frightened, and slams the door behind her._

**DARIA:** Goddammit, Quinn, are you ever going to learn when to quit? Let me put this into terms that can sink into that decayed mush you call your brain. I don't want to talk to you. Now, or ever! So why don't you save us both a lot of grief, and get the hell out of my sight! 

**QUINN: ** _(trying to summon some remaining courage)_ No! We're sisters, Daria, we need to - 

**DARIA:** DON'T YOU DARE! 

_Daria has finally been pushed right over the brink into full-blown rage._

**DARIA:** Don't you dare assume you have the right to call me your sister! You've spent your entire life denying that I even exist, and now you have the gall to stand there and appeal to my sense of sisterhood? You know what your problem is? You've completely surrounded yourself with shallow, worthless people and rejected anyone with the slightest hint of character. And now you expect me - me, the sister you never even wanted - to stand by you and be your friend? You have caused me more hurt and more pain than any other person alive. You are the bane of my existence. And you are the "sister" that I don't want anymore. I am granting your fondest wish, Quinn: you are now an only child. So turn around and walk out of my life, or I swear I'll grab a double-handful of your bouncy fucking red hair and drag you to the curb with the rest of the garbage! 

_Daria turns her back and heads back into the house, slamming the door once again._

_Quinn stares with wide eyes at the door for a moment, raises her fist to knock, and then stops._

  
  
  
**INT: LANE RESIDENCE**

_Daria stomps away from the door. Jane gets a little pushed aside._

**JANE:** Whoa! 

**DARIA:** Sorry. 

_Jane watches Daria steam off into the kitchen, then starts to head back upstairs. Then she stops for a moment, and goes back to the door, looking through the peephole. Her expression grows concerned. She follows Daria into the kitchen._

_Daria is sitting at the table, glaring into space._

**JANE:** Hey. 

**DARIA: ** I'd rather not talk about it. 

_Jane sits down quietly._

**JANE:** Daria, you're the best friend I've ever had. And you're  my sister, by any measure that counts. 

_Daria's expression twitches slightly, but she doesn't respond._

**JANE:** There was a time when I was ready to throw that away, and never speak to you again. You know what I'm talking about? 

_Daria doesn't move._

**JANE:** If I had, I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. 

_Jane sits for a moment longer, watching for a response, and then gets up to leave._

**DARIA:** Is she still out there? 

**JANE:** Curled up in a quivering, sobbing ball on the front porch. If you meant to get her attention, I think you have it. 

**DARIA:** I meant to hurt her as badly as I could. 

**JANE:** Then I'd say you succeeded there too. _(sighs)_ Going by my experience with familial emotional breakdowns, I'd say you have less than five minutes before Quinn bolts. Daria, I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I think that if she walks away now, it really will be for good and forever. Are you sure - I mean really sure - that you want to burn that bridge? 

  
  
  
** EXT: LANE DOORSTEP**

_Quinn is, as Jane described, huddled up on the steps crying her eyes out. The door opens a crack. She doesn't notice._

_Daria looks out at Quinn with an expression that's totally unreadable, even for her. For a short while, she watches her sister cry. Then, with a deep sigh, she steps outside and sits beside Quinn on the step._

**QUINN:** _(sobbing)_ I... I c-can't take this anymore... 

_She cries some more. Daria begins to look distinctly uncomfortable._

**QUINN:** All I wah-wanted to do was t-talk to someone! _ (sniffs loudly)_ I can't handle this by muh-myself! 

**DARIA:** Um... there must be someone you can talk to? 

**QUINN:** _(angry)_ Oh yeah, sure! Who the hell am I supposed to pour my heart out to? Mom and Dad have enough to deal with, all my friends are shallow and stupid, Erin just blabbed everything and made it worse, and you're so damn cold and heartless I might as well go talk to a snake! 

_Daria flinches - that one stung._

**QUINN:** I  tried to talk to you, I t-tried so hard... 

_Daria looks like she might cry herself. Slowly, hesitantly, she reaches a hand over to Quinn's quivering shoulders. Quinn looks up with surprise, then throws her arms around Daria and wails._

**QUINN:** Waaahaaaaaaaah!!! 

**DARIA:** It's... it's all right, Quinn. 

  
  
  
**INT: LANE KITCHEN, about a half hour later**

_Quinn's standing at the counter, her eyes red and her makeup streaked. She's done crying, and looks emotionally drained. Daria's sitting at the table, and though she shows no signs of having cried recently, she looks similarly drained. Jane pours a cup of coffee from a saucepan and hands it to Quinn._

**QUINN:** _(softly)_ Thank you. 

**JANE:** No problem. 

**QUINN:** _(staring into her coffee cup)_ I tried to make some coffee for Daria the morning after we found out everything. I hoped she might hang around and talk to me about it. 

_Daria looks a bit guilty, and puts down the coffee she was about to sip from._

**JANE:** Um... if it's all right with you guys, I wasn't kidding about having worked really late last night. I could use some sleep. I'll leave the two of you to sort the rest of this out. 

**DARIA:** I'm sorry you got dragged into this, Jane. 

**JANE:** Don't sweat it. When all my brothers and sisters lived at home, we had to file insurance claims after some of the more memorable clashes. 

_Jane walks out._

**QUINN:** I'm sorry I screwed everything up Daria. 

**DARIA:** You didn't screw everything up. It's not your fault that our parents didn't take care of some stupid paperwork twenty-five years ago. You didn't invite the entire family over to blow everything out of proportion, and you didn't kick Dad out of the house or cause a major marital rift. All you did was reach out to someone for a little support. I should be sorry that I didn't recognize that you needed it so much. 

**QUINN:** _(laughs humorlessly)_ The most popular girl in town can't find a friend when she needs one. You were right about everything, including that. _(sighs) _ I really do wish I had someone I could talk to about anything. You're really lucky to have Jane, you know? I mean, I've dissed on you guys a lot, but both of you are really a lot cooler than any of my friends. Or me, for that matter. 

**DARIA:** Quinn, stop torturing yourself. That's my job. 

_Quinn looks up with a raised eyebrow._

**DARIA:** Sorry. Habit. You know, you were right about a few things too. 

**QUINN:** Like what? 

**DARIA:** Like how I can't just turn my back on my family. Like it or not, I'm stuck with you guys. 

**QUINN:** And like it or not, we're stuck with you. 

_Daria looks at Quinn with a raised eyebrow._

**QUINN:** Sorry. Habit. 

**DARIA:** _(smirking)_ Touché. 

**QUINN:** _(puts down her coffee)_ I suppose I should be going. I've got to at least try to do something about this whole mess. 

**DARIA:** Before you go... 

**QUINN:** Yeah? 

**DARIA:** Is there... anything you'd like to talk about? 

**QUINN:** Like what? 

**DARIA:** Whatever's been on your mind lately. I've got a few free hours, and a shoulder to cry on. 

_Quinn smiles, her lip trembles, and her eyes mist up._

**QUINN:** I thought I already did that. 

**DARIA:** I've got another one. 

_Quinn sits down, a look of deep gratitude on her face, and starts talking._

  
**_ Time passes..._**

  
** INT: LANE KITCHEN**

_It's dark outside. Daria and Quinn are still sitting at the table, which now has the remnants of a pizza dinner between them._

**DARIA: ** So... I guess that after spending my entire life looking forward to getting away from you people and going off to college, I came to realize that it wasn't an entirely positive thing after all. I'm actually going to miss this place a bit.

**QUINN:** Think you'll miss the family too?

**DARIA:** Um... sure... a little.

**QUINN:** You know what I think? I think you really are going to miss us. I think that the reason why you've been so nasty to me lately is because you thought that maybe if we hated each other again like we used to, it would be easier for you to leave.

**DARIA:** That's ridiculous.

**QUINN:** Is it?

_Daria looks a little introspective for a moment._

**DARIA:** Okay, so maybe it's not that ridiculous. But I think I've had plenty of reasons to be ticked off even without that one. I mean, here it is, my last summer at home, and the whole thing is ruined for something that shouldn't even have been an issue in the first place. If only it hadn't all gotten out of hand, I could have fixed it at moment one.

**QUINN:** How?

**DARIA:** _(sighs)_ It doesn't matter anymore. It's gone too far at this point.

**QUINN:** But, still -

**JANE:** Hey! 

_Daria and Quinn look up, and see that Jane has come into the kitchen._

**QUINN:** Hi, Jane! How was work? 

**JANE:** Have you guys been sitting in here all this time? It's after midnight! 

**DARIA:** Astonishing, isn't it? 

**JANE: ** Hm. I guess you had a lot of air to clear. So, what happens now? 

**QUINN:** _(sighs)_ Well, we've still got some of the same problems as before. You know, Mom and Dad, the wedding, the impending divorce. 

**JANE:** It strikes me that they're not the problem. I mean, things only blew up when all the rest of the family started butting in. 

**DARIA:** No wonder they just ran off and got married without them the first time. 

_Quinn stands up suddenly, knocking her chair over._

**JANE: ** Hey, be careful! Those are really cheap and easily breakable chairs! 

**QUINN:** _(staring off into space) _ Of course... why didn't I think of it before... 

**DARIA:** What? 

**QUINN:** _(shaking her head)_ Huh? Oh, no. I'm not telling. Look, I know how we can fix everything and it will work, but I'm going to figure out the details and make it happen myself. I'll prove to you I can. 

**DARIA:** Quinn, you don't have to prove anything for me. 

**QUINN:** Then I'll prove it to myself. There's still a big part of this that's my fault, and I want to fix it. I'll just need your help with one little detail, which I'll call you on tomorrow. And Jane, if you possibly can, I'll need your help too. 

**JANE:** What the hell? I've got a day off coming anyway. 

**DARIA:** Quinn, are you sure? 

**QUINN:** Please, Daria. I need you to trust me. I've never asked you to just trust me before. Do it this one time. 

**DARIA:** _ (sighs)_ All right. 

**QUINN:** You won't regret it, I promise. Now I have to run, there's a lot to take care of! 

_Quinn runs out of the room._

**DARIA:** Um... excuse me a moment. 

_Daria gets up and runs out too._

_Jane looks at the (empty) pizza box._

**JANE:** Damn. I wanted pizza. 

  
  
  
**EXT: LANE FRONT YARD**

_Quinn is hurrying across the lawn when Daria comes out._

**DARIA:** Quinn! 

**QUINN:** _(turns around)_ What? 

**DARIA:** _(a little uncertainly)_ Um... there's one more thing I need to ask you. 

**QUINN:** What is it? Make it quick, I have a lot of things to do! 

**DARIA:** Well... I'm going to need some new clothes for college, and... do you think maybe after all this is fixed, we could go shopping? 

_Quinn's jaw drops open._

**DARIA:** Never mind, it was a bad - 

**QUINN:** I'd love to. 

**DARIA:** Okay, then. See ya. 

_Quinn suddenly runs up and grabs Daria in an inescapable hug._

**DARIA:** Gah!! It's just  shopping, Quinn! Let me go! 

**QUINN: ** It's not that. You said "after it's all fixed". You do trust me! 

**DARIA:** I'll never do it again, I swear! Just let me go! 

_Quinn lets her go._

**QUINN:** Thanks, Daria. I mean it. 

**DARIA:** _(grimacing)_ I could tell. 

_Quinn grins, and runs off down the street._

_Daria turns around and sees Jane standing there with a smirk._

**DARIA:** You saw nothing. 

**JANE:** If you say so. 

**  
  
  
END PART EIGHT  
(to be continued...)**   
  
  
**DISCLAIMERS:**

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

**Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!**


	10. Part Nine

**COMMITTED   
**a **Daria** fanfic by**  
Mike Yamiolkoski**  
  
**  
  
PART NINE**

  
  
**INT: HOTEL ROOM**

_Jake lies on the bed, watching TV. His right hand has a towel wrapped around it. His face has that expression of someone who's terribly depressed and is trying to watch TV in order to forget about it._

_There's a knock at the door._

**JAKE:** Who's there?

**QUINN:** It's me, Quinn! Can I come in please?

_Jake gets up and goes to answer the door._

**JAKE:** _(bravely summoning a smile)_ Hi, pumpkin.

**QUINN:** Hi Daddy. How've you been?

**JAKE:** Um, fine! Just fine.

**QUINN:** Then why won't you come home?

**JAKE:** Well, apart from the fact that your Mom kind of threw me out, I'm worried that Uncle Dave might try to put Daddy through a paper shredder.

**QUINN:** Hm. If it helps, the Doctor said he'll be fine. It was just a mild concussion.

**JAKE:** Concussion?

**QUINN:** Yeah. He didn't even move for two hours. Grandma Ruth had to call an ambulance and -

**JAKE:** Er, I'd rather not know the rest.

**QUINN:** Can I come in?

_Jake realizes they're still standing in the hallway._

**JAKE:** Oh! Sure, honey.

_Quinn goes in and sits down on the edge of the bed. Jake follows, pausing for a moment by the mirror._

**JAKE:**_ (flexing a bicep)_ Concussion, hm?

**QUINN:** Daddy, are you mad at Mom?

**JAKE:** _(startled out of his self-inspection)_ What? Of course not, Quinn! Where'd you get an idea like that? _(sighs)_ I think she's plenty mad at me, though.

**QUINN:** But look at everything that's been happening lately. Aunt Rita practically moves in and starts messing with everyone's lives, Grandma Ruth comes along and just makes it worse, and Erin's being a pre-natal nightmare. Then to make matters worse, there's this big case Mom's working on and she doesn't have time for anyone. The past two months have been, like, a total bummer! I'd think you'd be pretty upset about all that.

**JAKE:** But... none of that is your mother's fault! How could I be mad at her?

**QUINN: ** _(quietly)_ Don't you think Mom knows it's not  your fault either?

**JAKE:** Well, of course she does! But... _(trails off)_

**QUINN:** Daddy, I know why you don't want to go home. You're afraid that if you do, everything will just blow up again.

**JAKE:** _(sighs)_ Yeah. Maybe after the wedding, things will calm down. It's just one more day.

**QUINN:** What if I told you that I had a way to fix everything? You could be with Mom without having to go home until everyone leaves, and you could forget about this whole nightmare of a wedding?

**JAKE:** It's nice to think about, honey. But you can't just make problems go away like that.

**QUINN:** _(smirks)_ Oh... can't I?

  
  
  
**EXT: HOTEL**

_Quinn comes running out to the parking lot to where Jake's Lexus is parked. She climbs inside and picks up the cell phone._

**TRENT:** _(on phone)_ Hello?

**QUINN:** Hello, Trent? It's Quinn.

**TRENT:** Oh yeah. Daria's sister.

**QUINN:** _(frowns)_ Could you put Jane on, please?

**TRENT:** Sure.

_pause_

**JANE: ** _(on phone)_ Hola.

**QUINN:** Hey Jane. I'm all set on this end. Were you able to call in that favor?

**JANE:** Yeah, it's all set. I gotta hand it to you Quinn, I think you might actually pull this off.

**QUINN: ** Well, it all depends on Mom now. But I'm not worried. It'll work.

**JANE: ** You sound pretty sure of yourself.

**QUINN: ** Duh! When am I not?

**JANE: ** Later.

_Quinn hangs up._

**QUINN:** _(small voice)_ Please God, let this all work out.

  
  
  
**EXT: MORGENDORFFER HOUSE**

_It's late at night. Trent's car pulls up to the curb on the opposite side of the street. Jane's at the wheel, Daria is in the passenger seat._

**DARIA:** Looks like we're early.

**JANE:** Yeah, I planned it that way. Just in case they did the rehearsal dinner after all, I wanted to make sure we could relay the info.

**DARIA:** You sure it's not a problem, you taking the night off work?

**JANE:** Nah. The windows can wait. Besides, these little outings tend to be inspirational. Let's check in. _(picks up two-way radio) _Lady In Red to Covergirl, Lady In Red to Covergirl. Come in.

**QUINN:** _(on radio)_ This is Covergirl.

**DARIA:** Very cute.

**JANE:** It was her idea. _ (radio)_ We have the asylum in visual range. Inmates are in the house. Repeat: Inmates are in the house. Over.

**QUINN:** _(radio) _Robert, Lady In Red.

**JANE:** _(radio) _Roger.

**QUINN: ** _(radio) _Who?

**JANE:** _(radio) _Never mind.

**QUINN:** _(radio) _Is Juliet on her balcony?

**JANE:** _(radio)_ Uh... _(looks through binoculars)_ Negative, Covergirl. No sign of Juliet. Over.

**DARIA:** I think I'm going to be ill.

**QUINN:** _(radio) _Lady In Red, is it safe to bring Romeo in?

**JANE:** _(radio) _10-4, Covergirl -

**DARIA:** Wait a minute!

_Jane looks up, and sees that a blue BMW is pulling up to a stop in front of the house._

**JANE:** _(radio) _Covergirl, hold back. We have an unidentified bogey at three o'clock.

**QUINN:** _(radio) _Huh?

**DARIA:** Give me that! _ (radio) _Quinn, there's a car pulling up. Stay put until we give the word.

**QUINN:** _(radio) _Okay, Misery Chick. We're waiting.

**DARIA:** _(frowning)_ Misery Chick?

**JANE: ** You should have heard the ones I vetoed.

**DARIA: ** Who the hell is that guy, anyway?

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_Ruth, Rita, Erin, Brian, David, and Helen are all present._

**RUTH:** Well, all I can say is that it's a good thing I was able to cancel those reservations! Honestly, though, it's just not proper to hold a wedding without a rehearsal dinner!

**RITA: ** So have some more pizza.

**ERIN:** Any more of the anchovy left? I'm still hungry!

**RUTH:** Pizza! Really, it's enough to make a grown woman cry. _(sniffs)_ And the thought of my poor Jakey, all alone tonight...

**RITA: ** It sure as hell wouldn't break anyone's heart if you spent the night with him.

**RUTH:** Oh, you'd just love that, wouldn't you Missy! Give you the chance to change everything at the last minute and ruin the wedding I've so carefully planned!

**RITA:** You've planned? I was here a full two weeks before you ever showed up, lady! This is  my wedding, not yours!

_In the midst of all the yelling, Helen slips unnoticed up the stairs, defeat in her every step._

**RUTH:** I've been told about what happens to weddings under your control, for your information! I can't imagine why anyone who planned your daughter's fiasco would even dream of thinking she could do it properly.

**ERIN:** Hey, who told you about that??

**RUTH:** How much damage was done to that ballroom in the end?

**ERIN:** BRIAN!!

**BRIAN:** Hey, don't look at me!!

**DAVID:** _(wincing, holding head in pain)_ Would everyone please just tone it down a bit?

_David removes his hand, revealing a magnificent shiner._

**RUTH:** Oh, I'm sorry, Davy! Does it still hurt?

**DAVID:** Who the hell taught him how to throw a right hook like that, that's what I'd like to know.

_Doorbell._

**ERIN:** Excuse me, I'm still trying to find out who's the informant here!

**RUTH:** I don't know, some young man with strange curly hair.

**ERIN:** Luhrman?

**RUTH:** Ah, yes. That was his name.

**ERIN:** _(to Brian)_ Trust your cousin not to know when to keep his big mouth shut.

**BRIAN:** My cousin? I thought he was yours!

_Doorbell again._

**RITA:** Will someone answer that?

_Rita goes to answer it herself. She opens the door and sees a bunch of flowers._

**RITA:** You were supposed to be here two days ago!

_The flowers move aside. It's..._

**ERIC:** Er, hello. Is Helen available?

**RITA:** Who wants to know?

**ERIC:** I'm Helen's boss. _ (snaps fingers)_ Rita, isn't it? You're Helen's sister.

**RITA:** Give the man a cigar. What the hell do you want?

**ERIC: ** Well, it's just that Helen hasn't been in to work for the past few days, and I was getting a tad concerned.

**RITA:** Well what do you expect? We're in the middle of planning a wedding here!

**ERIC:** _ (face falls)_ Wedding? Isn't that a little abrupt? I understand the divorce doesn't even become final until tomorrow.

**RITA: ** _(looks Eric up and down)_ You're not just pretending to be as dumb as a box of hair, are you? You really have no Earthly idea what's going on.

**ERIC:** Well, I -

**RITA:** Look, I'll try to explain if you must know. I'm not even sure I have it all straight anymore.

**ERIC:** Could I perhaps come in and see Helen anyway?

**RITA:** Fine! What the hell do I care?

_Rita pulls a startled Eric inside and slams the door. On the way in, he drops the flowers on the doorstep._

  
  
  
**INT: TRENT'S CAR**

Daria puts down the binoculars.

**DARIA:** He's inside. Better hurry, though, he might be wanting to talk to Mom. I saw her in the bedroom window - it's now or never.

**JANE:** Right. _(on radio)_ Lady In Red to Covergirl. Juliet is on the balcony but the inmates may be on their way up. We've got a shrinking window of opportunity here. Bring Romeo in and make it snappy.

**QUINN:** _(radio) _On my way, Lady In Red.

  
  
  
**INT: HELEN'S BEDROOM**

_Helen is holding up her new wedding dress in the mirror. She looks very sad to see herself. After a moment, she tosses it on the bed and reaches into her closet, pulling out an old, tattered garment bag. Unzipping it, she extracts a simple cotton-fiber hand-sewn dress, and carefully holds it up to the mirror as well._

**HELEN:** _(small smile)_ Still fits. Thank God for Pilates.

_The smile leaves her face as quickly as it came. She goes to put the dress away when there's a tapping at her window. Draping the garment over a chair, she goes to the window and draws the curtains aside._

**HELEN: ** Jakey!

**JAKE:** _(whispering)_ Helen! Open the window!

_Helen scrambles to get the window open, and slides the screen out. Jake is standing on a ladder that leads up to the window. He's also holding Eric's bouquet._

**HELEN: ** Jake, what are you doing? Have you lost your mind?

**JAKE:** _(heroically)_ I'm Jake Morgendorffer, I'm here to rescue you!

**HELEN:** What?

**JAKE:** _(sheepish)_ Sorry, I just always wanted to say that. Come on, let's get away from here!

_Helen looks at the ladder, back at Jake, and shakes her head._

**HELEN:** I'm sorry, Jake. I know what you're trying to do, and it's very sweet, but it just doesn't work that way anymore. We're not irresponsible kids now, Jake. We have an obligation to see this through.

**JAKE:** But Helen...

**HELEN:** No, Jake. The wedding is tomorrow, we'll just go through it then and be done with it. There's no need for all this.

**JAKE:** Helen, please! Just hear me out!

**HELEN:** _(sighs)_ But Jake, what about all the work that everyone's done for us!

**JAKE:** For us? Who's done anything for us? I never wanted all this, and I don't think you did either! Come with me! We'll go and do this the way we should have in the first place. We don't need all that hype, we don't need anyone else. And we sure as hell don't need that horrible dress!

**HELEN:** _(small smile)_ It is pretty awful, isn't it. But Jake, what will everyone think?

**JAKE: ** Who cares? This is our day, Helen, no matter how much everyone else has tried to make it theirs! Besides, marriage isn't about lavish ceremonies or lava lamp centerpieces or expensive catered receptions, it's about -

**HELEN:** _(whispering)_ Two people... whom the stars have destined to be together.

**JAKE:** Yes!

_Helen turns away for a moment._

**JAKE:** Er, Helen?

_She turns back again, tears streaming down her face._

**HELEN:** Oh Jakey...

_Helen seizes Jake in a close, loving embrace and kisses him as deeply and passionately as she possibly can._

  
  
  
**INT: TRENT'S CAR**

**DARIA:** Am I the only one who's really glad we're too far away to hear any of this or see it clearly?

**JANE:** You got that right.

**QUINN:** Amen, sister.

**DARIA:** _(little smile) _You left the keys in the Lexus, sister?

**QUINN:** _(grinning) _Uh-huh.

**DARIA: ** Then let's get to the rendezvous. They can take it from here.

_The girls pull out as Helen and Jake make their way down the ladder together. Helen carries a small white bundle under one arm._

  
  
  
**EXT: MAD DAWG'S BAR**

_As Mystik Spiral plays "The Wedding March" on their guitars, Helen emerges from the back doors of the Tank with Eric Schrecter's bouquet in hand and walks down an aisle formed from bar stools dragged out into the parking lot. Jake stands beaming at a makeshift altar (cable spool) with Quinn, Daria, and Jane on one side, Danny Moreno on the other. Standing in the middle is an unfamiliar man in judge's robes. Despite the fact that the ceremony is taking place in a dirt parking lot under fairly squalid conditions, Helen looks happier than she's ever been, and indeed the white cotton dress from her original commitment ceremony actually still fits._

_The music comes to a stop - though Jesse requires a nudge to get him to realize it._

**JUDGE:** Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today under the stars to celebrate the rejoining of this happy couple, and to recognize under the law what they have already recognized in their hearts - that Helen and Jacob are now and forever bound to each other, and that they accept one another as husband and wife. Now, we don't usually do it this way, but I have been asked by the Maid of Honor _(indicates Quinn, who grins)_ if it would be possible to sign the marriage license first and do the rest of the ceremony afterward. Would that be all right with both of you?

**JAKE:** Fine.

**HELEN:** Just fine.

_The judge turns to the cable spool and lays the marriage license on it. Jake and Helen take turns signing it._

**JUDGE:** Now, we'll need three adult witnesses. I can serve as one.

**DARIA:** _(raising hand)_ Two.

**JANE:** _(also raising hand)_ Three.

_The witnesses duly sign the license, whereupon Daria takes it, places it in a briefcase, and handcuffs the case to her wrist._

**JUDGE:** Excellent. Now, Helen, would you take Jacob's hand in your own and repeat after me. I, Helen...

**HELEN:** I, Helen.

**JUDGE:** Do hereby accept Jacob as my husband.

**HELEN:** Do hereby accept Jakey as my husband.

_Jane snickers._

**JUDGE:** I promise to love, honor, and cherish him.

**HELEN:** I promise to love, honor, and cherish him.

**JUDGE:** I will tolerate with patience his rants about his father, his childhood, and life's little frustrations.

**HELEN:** I will tolerate - what?

**JAKE:** What?

_Everyone turns to look at Daria._

**DARIA:** What? I was told to write customized vows.

**JUDGE:** Er, perhaps it would be better if -

**HELEN:** _(smiles)_ No, it's all right. _(clears throat)_ I will tolerate with patience his rants about his father, his childhood, and life's little frustrations.

**JUDGE:** In sickness and in health, in good times and bad.

**HELEN:** In sickness and in health, in good times and bad.

**JUDGE: ** Now and forever, and for as long as we both shall live.

**HELEN:** Now and forever, and for as long as we both shall live.

**JANE:** _(aside to Daria)_ That was actually kind of sweet, you know?

**DARIA:** I figured I shouldn't push my luck too far at this point.

**JUDGE:** Now Jacob, repeat after me. I, Jacob...

**JAKE:** I, Jacob.

**JUDGE:** Do hereby accept Helen as my wife.

**JAKE:** Do hereby accept Helen as my wife.

**JUDGE:** I promise to love, honor, and cherish her.

**JAKE:** I promise to love, honor, and cherish her.

**JUDGE:** I will deal with the fact that she is an incurable workaholic.

_There's a brief pause while everyone looks at Daria, who pretends to suddenly be very interested in a bit of fluff on her jacket._

**JAKE:** I will, er, deal with the fact that she is an incurable workaholic.

**JUDGE:** In sickness and in health, in good times and bad.

**JAKE:** In sickness and in health, in good times and bad.

**JUDGE:** Now and forever, and for as long as we both shall live.

**JAKE:** Now and forever, and for as long as we both shall live.

**JUDGE:** Jacob, do you have the ring?

**JAKE:** Oh! Um... _(starts digging in his pocket)_

**DANNY: ** Dude. _(offers ring)_

**JAKE:** Oh, thanks! What was your name again?

**DANNY:** Danny.

**JAKE:** _(shakes his hand)_ Thanks for being the best man, Danny.

**DANNY:** No problem.

**JANE:** _(under her breath)_ It's probably the first time he's ever combed his hair...

**JUDGE:** Place the ring on Helen's finger and repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed.

**JAKE:** With this ring, I thee wed.

**JUDGE: ** Helen, do you have the ring?

_Helen turns to Quinn, who passes over the ring._

**JUDGE:** Place the ring on Jacob's finger and repeat after me. With this ring, I thee wed.

**HELEN:** With this ring, I thee wed.

**JUDGE:** By the power vested in me by the State of Oklahoma, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss.

_Helen and Jake follow instructions enthusiastically as Daria and Quinn roll their eyes and turn away._

**TRENT:** One, two, three, four!

_The band strikes a loud chord as Jake sweeps Helen up off her feet and carries her back down the aisle._

**TRENT: ** Hey little sister what have you done...  
Hey little sister who's the only one...  
Hey little sister who's your superman  
Hey little sister who's the one you want  
Hey little sister shot gun!  
  
It's a nice day to start again...  
It's a nice day for a White Wedding  
It's a nice day to... START AGAAAAIN!

**QUINN:** _(to Jane)_ Was that really the best they could come up with?

**JANE:** They didn't have time to learn the recessional. Hey, what do you want on such short notice?

**DANNY: ** Ahem!

_Quinn looks up and sees that Danny is offering his arm to escort her back down the aisle._

**QUINN:** In your dreams, grunge boy.

_The party congregates at the Lexus._

**HELEN:** Quinn? Daria? Come here, both of you.

_Quinn gladly accepts Helen's hug, Daria a little less so._

**HELEN:** I don't know what I would do without two such wonderful girls. Thank you so much.

**DARIA:** _(still being hugged)_ Er, it was Quinn's idea.

**JAKE:** Come here, girls!

_Jake gathers them both into an even bigger hug._

**DARIA:** It was Quinn, I tell you! All I did was write the inappropriately cynical vows!

_Jane, standing back with a smirk on her face, feels a tap on her shoulder. She turns to see the woman with whom she once shared a jail cell on a previous trip to Fremont._

**JANE:** Oh, hey Sue. Thanks for letting me borrow your husband.

**SUE:** No problem. We still got a deal, right?

**JANE:** One judge for one Jane Lane original tattoo. Are you sure you want an eggbeater?

**SUE:** Sentimental value.

**JANE:** Okay... I gotta go take some group photos. I'll see you at Axl's on Monday.

  
**_After a few photos..._**

  
**HELEN:** Well, I suppose we'd best be off. You will explain everything to the family, won't you?

**QUINN:** Oh, yeah.

**DARIA:** With pleasure.

**JAKE:** Let's go, Helen! I'm ready to honeymoon!

**DARIA:** _(wincing)_ Too much information.

**HELEN:** Bye bye, everyone!

**EVERYONE:** Bye! Later! Have fun!

_Helen tosses the bouquet as the car drives off. It lands in Daria's arms._

**DARIA:** _(brushing the offending object away)_ Aaah! Get it off me!

_The car drives off into the distance, trailing shoes and cans, and sporting a big sign on the back which reads "JUST COMMITTED!"_

**JANE:** Well, that was fun. What now?

**DARIA:** I don't know about you guys, but I'm beat. Let's go home. Jane, can I crash one more night? I really don't have the energy to face the relatives just yet.

**JANE:** Casa Lane is at your service.

**QUINN:** Oh, no you don't! You can't leave me to go back home all alone!

**DARIA:** So go to Sandi's or something.

**QUINN:** _ (frowns)_ I don't think so.

**JANE:** Come on, Quinn. I told you she's sorry about the whole thing at the Mall. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

**QUINN:** Couldn't I just stay at your place?

**JANE:** Well, we're running a little short on room, but I'm sure Danny would share the futon with you.

**DANNY:** _(walking by)_ Cool.

**QUINN:** You know what? I think Sandi and I should have a little talk after all.

_Quinn heads back to the car._

  
  
  
**EXT: MORGENDORFFER HOME**

_It's the next morning. Daria is waiting outside the house, which has dozens of cars parked around it. The noise coming from inside speaks of a massive and not entirely friendly discussion among whatever new family and wedding guests have invaded the place._

_After a moment, Sandi's little yellow convertible pulls up, and Quinn gets out._

**QUINN:** Thanks, Sandi. I'm glad we got everything sorted out.

**SANDI:** Personally, I never doubted that we would, Quinn. Our friendship is too strong to be torn asunder by simple misunderstandings.

**DARIA:** Wearing white shoes out of season - now, that's unforgivable.

**QUINN:** Of course.

**SANDI:** No question.

_Daria blinks, turns to stare at Sandi and Quinn, who are both smirking at her._

**QUINN:** See you later, Sandi. Don't forget to spread the word!

_Sandi shifts into gear and drives off._

**DARIA:** Ready to face the family?

**QUINN:** Are you kidding? I've been looking forward to this moment for days.

  
  
  
**INT: MORGENDORFFER LIVING ROOM**

_Daria and Quinn enter a scene of utter mayhem. At least fifty people are crammed into the living room, most of them shouting at each other. It's impossible to make any sense out of it all, and it's obvious no one is listening to anyone else anyway._

**DARIA: ** Excuse me!

_No one pays any heed._

**DARIA:** Hello? Can anyone hear me?

**QUINN:** Hold your ears.

_Daria does so, as Quinn sticks two fingers into her mouth and lets out a shrieking whistle that, by some miracle, does not shatter all the glass in the house._

_The room goes quiet._

**ERIN:** Well, I was just insulted he would insist on a paternity test in the first place! They say that a marriage is based on trust as well as - _(stops, sees everyone looking at her)_ Never mind.

**QUINN:** Excuse me, everyone? Hi. I presume you're all wondering what happened to the bride and groom?

_There's a generally affirmative murmur._

**QUINN:** Well, I'm sure you'll all be pleased to hear that everything is perfectly under control, there's nothing to worry about, and you might as well all go home and forget the whole thing.

**RUTH & RITA:** What??

**QUINN:** Now, don't think we don't appreciate all the effort that everyone's put in -

**RUTH:** Quinn Louise Morgendorffer, just what are you saying?

**DARIA:** She's saying that Mom and Dad got sick of the whole nightmarish business of buttinsky relatives planning an overblown, overbearing, and overbudget wedding that they never wanted in the first place, and so with the help of an extension ladder and a judge from Fremont, they took care of things at about ten-thirty last night. However, you're all welcome to hold the ceremony without them if you like. Seeing as the entire thing was prepared without considering their wishes at any time, it seems only fitting.

_A heavy silence falls on the room._

_Then..._

**VOICE:** He-he... Hehehe... Ha ** HAAAA**, HA-HA-**HA!!!**

_One by one, everyone in the room turns to the source of the noise. It's..._

**AMY:** BHA-HA-HA-**HAAA**, HA!! Wait... wait, I'm all right... I'm- HA-HA-_**HAAAA!!!**_

**RUTH & RITA:** Oh, be quiet.

**QUINN:** The wedding, as you all know, is due to start in less than an hour. The bride and groom send their best wishes, but regrettably must decline their invitations. I suggest that you all gather your things and... go.

**DARIA:** _(smirking at her Aunt Amy) _Those of you capable of standing upright without support, that is.

_Amidst much grumbling, everyone starts to gather up their things and exit._

**QUINN:** Thank you all for coming... Call us when she goes into labor, Brian! It was a pleasure having you... Make sure you keep ice on that, Uncle Dave!

**DARIA:** You're really enjoying this, aren't you?

**QUINN:** _(smiling even wider)_ Bye-bye! Don't forget to call when you get home, Grandma! Ciao!

_Amy stumbles out, still giggling madly._

**AMY:** Bye girls... _he-he-he..._

**QUINN:** Bye Aunt Amy!

**DARIA:** Let's go, Quinn. I need some food, and I doubt there's anything edible left in the refrigerator.

_Daria pulls Quinn out the door as Quinn continues to say her adieus._

**QUINN:** So long, everybody! We must do this again sometime! Bye-bye!

_Daria closes the door behind her, leaving the house empty except for Aunt Rita. She stands alone in the middle of the living room for a long moment, listening to car doors slam outside and the sound of people driving away._

**RITA:** Okay, they're gone.

**ERIC:** _(peeking out from the top of the stairs)_ You're sure?

**RITA:** They're all gone.

_Eric Schrecter creeps cautiously down the stairs. He's wearing the same suit he had on the night before, though it's a bit mussed and his shirt's not tucked in._

_Rita meets him at the door and gives him a long, passionate kiss, which he gives right back._

**RITA:** Call me.

**ERIC:** I'll call you.

_After one more kiss, Eric leaves. Rita takes a long look around the living room and the devastation caused by all the wedding planning and turmoil of the past two months. After a bit of contemplation, she shrugs and walks out the door._

**  
  
  
END PART NINE  
(to be concluded...)**

  
  
  
**DISCLAIMERS:**

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

**Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!**


	11. Epilogue

**COMMITTED   
**a **Daria** fanfic by**  
Mike Yamiolkoski**  
  
**  
  
EPILOGUE**

  
  
**INT: GRAND HOTEL BALLROOM**

_A small gathering of teenagers party amidst streamers, balloons, and lava lamp centerpieces. Some of them dance on the lighted floor while others chat around the punch fountain._

**QUINN:**_ (On cell phone)_ Hello, Hilda's Housekeeping for Hire? I've got a serious emergency. Can you send a team of experts to eleven-eleven Glenn Oaks Lane this afternoon, and make it snappy? Thanks! _(hangs up)_

**DARIA:** You know Quinn, I have to admit you were right. It would have been a shame to let this expensive reception hall go to waste.

**QUINN:** Hey, we deserve a party after all we've been through. Pity Mom and Dad didn't get to see it.

**DARIA:** I don't know. Looking around at this decor, I'm thinking it's a blessing.

**QUINN:** Anyway, this gets me off the hook what with Mom and Dad being gone for a week, and the obligatory house party I would have had to throw to celebrate.

**JANE:** Hey girls, what's shakin! Great party, by the way. Have you tried these little shrimp thingys?

**DARIA:** I wonder what percentage of my college fund went into those little treats?

**QUINN:** Oh Daria, lighten up. Can't you for once assume that everything will work out in the end?

_There's a loud -pop- at the opposite end of the room._

**JANE:** Oh no, the band found the champagne. Excuse me, I have to go prevent tragedy.

_Jane jogs off._

**QUINN:** By the way, Daria, what did you mean when you said before that you could have fixed everything?

**DARIA:** It's not important. You fixed everything just fine. _(looks uncomfortable) _Um, I don't want to sound condescending, and please don't take this the wrong way, but... I'm proud of you, Quinn.

**QUINN:** _ (honestly moved)_ Why... thank you, Daria. _(takes a deep breath) _ Still, I'd like to know what you would have done.

**DARIA:** It's simple enough. Ever heard of a Common Law Marriage?

**QUINN:** What's that?

**DARIA:** It only works in certain states, and it so happens that Texas is one of them. Essentially, it means that if you live together as a married couple for a certain amount of time, it means you are married. Mom and Dad have been legal since the first time they filed jointly after moving to Highland; which means, incidentally, that we were both born safely in wedlock.

**QUINN:** _(incredulous)_ You mean they've been married all this time and none of this was even necessary??

**DARIA:** Remember this moment the next time you appeal to my sense of optimism.

**QUINN:** Why the hell didn't you say something?

**DARIA:** I only managed to check the facts about it about a week after Grandma Ruth got here. Do you really think they would have called off the wedding at that point over a little technicality like the bride and groom already being married?

**QUINN:** Hm. I guess I can see that. Listen, Daria, I'm gonna go mingle a bit. I am sort of the hostess and it wouldn't be fitting for me to just wallflower all afternoon.

**DARIA:** Mingle away.

**QUINN:** And don't think for one moment that you can just hang here by the ice sculptures all night. This is the last time you'll see some of these people for months. So get out there and have some fun!

**DARIA:** I don't -

**QUINN:** - don't do fun. You're getting shamefully predictable, Dar. Hey Jamie! Can you get me a soda!

_Quinn scampers off into the party, leaving Daria behind._

**DARIA:** She got the last word. _("Tiffany" accent)_ That's so wrong.

_A phone rings. Daria looks and notices that Quinn has left the cell phone behind. She picks it up._

**DARIA:** Hello? _(pause)_ Oh, hi. No, she's not available at the moment. _(pause)_ Your flight got cancelled? Well, actually, it's just as well. _(pause)_ No, everything's fine... it's a long story. _(pause)_ I'll tell her you called. _(pause)_ Bye, Grandma Evelyn.

_Daria hangs up the phone. She starts to sit down, then pauses, looks around the room at everyone having fun, and goes to join them._

**   
  
  
THE END**   
  
  
  
  
  
  
**END NOTES**

This story required me to specify some dates with a fair degree of precision. Helen and Jake's Commitment Ceremony date comes from "The Daria Diaries", as does the transcript of their vows. The "present" year was extrapolated from the episode "Fizz Ed" in which Superbowl Sunday happens on the 30th. This happened in January 2000, and so Daria graduated in the class of '00. It works out rather nicely that this is also Helen and Jake's 25th anniversary year. In case anyone is interested in the exact chronology, this story begins on June 20 (about a week after the events of my previous fic, The Next Step), their 25th anniversary was the 26th of June, Daria's Boston trip takes place on the week of Monday, July 31, Jake and Helen elope on August 11, and the wedding date as planned was August 12.

Also, in order for Erin to be eight months pregnant by the time she shows up in this story, it is necessary to assume that she was three months in around the time of "Aunt Nauseum". Of course, she wouldn't be showing much by then, so it's entirely possible that Brian didn't know about it at that time, and that Erin told him about it when he met her in Europe, and it was in fact the pregnancy that made them decide to give their marriage another shot - but that's another story.

I also needed to specify some places. I assumed that Raft is far enough away from Lawndale to make it a big deal to get there, or Daria wouldn't have been so upset over her missed opportunity to see the campus in "Is It College Yet?". So I figure at least a day's drive. The location of the Commitment Ceremony at Cape Cod is my own idea, but it fits with the landscape in Helen and Jake's "wedding" photos.

Jane indicated that she was rejected by "Lawndale State" and "State University". I saw no reason why "State University" and "Great Prairie State University" might not be the same place, even though the show does not specify. My wife disagrees with me on this one.

"The Jiggly Room" is an homage to Married With Children. I just couldn't think of a better name for a lower-class strip club.

During her conversation with Sandi at Cashman's, Jane asks Sandi how she's been since "that day". If you want to know what she's referring to, read "Outage" also by me. I usually try not to reference my past fics, but I couldn't resist.

In the episode "Speedtrapped" Jane shares a jail cell with Sue, whose husband is a judge. He makes his first appearance anywhere in the Daria universe here in my story. Grandma Evelyn was named by Ms. Kara Wild in her deservedly popular "Driven Wild" series. Quinn's middle name "Louise" is a common fanfic convention, though there is no supporting evidence for it on the show. Jake's brother Dave is a fabrication on my part. In the episode "Jake of Hearts" his mother Ruth speaks of raising "children" so we know that Jake has at least one sibling. I created the character of Dave Morgendorffer to be essentially a carbon copy of Jake's father. The nickname "Squirrel Boy" has no basis in canon, but I thought it would be amusing to provide a source for Jake's intolerable hatred of squirrels. The woman who makes decorative items out of cow chips actually exists. She is my wife's grandmother.

I hope everyone has enjoyed this story. It was a major effort to create, but it was a labor of love. I hope that Daria fandom goes on for years to come and that others find it worthwhile to put in the effort to add their tales to the Daria universe.

**  
OTHER STORIES BY ME:**

In addition to this story, I have written the following Daria fanfics:

Outage, in which Sandi and Jane are stuck in an elevator together.  
Quinnderella, in which Daria and Jane tell an old fairy tale with a new twist.  
Is Summer Over Already?, in which Daria attempts to find Jane a new boyfriend.  
Community Disservice, in which the Lawndale High students are forced to do community service work.  
Outside The Box, in which the Morgendorffers face a family crisis (inspired by "Boxing Daria").  
The Next Step, in which Daria and Jane face the future after high school (the prequel to this story).  
The Blues Others, in which Daria and Jane have an adventure curiously similar to Jake and Elwood Blues.  
Guardian, in which Quinn's Guardian Angel has a particularly rough week (inspired by "Groped by an Angel")

I have several works in progress, anyone's guess as to what the next one finished will be. This story will be followed up by "In Like Quinn" in which Quinn begins her senior year at Lawndale High.

  
**ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:**

Thanks go out to...

Glenn Eichler and the other fine people who brought us five wonderful seasons and two movies of "Daria".

MTV and Viacom for airing the show, even though we're all disappointed in how they've treated it since then.

My lovely wife Rachel, who performed her usual stunning job as beta-reader and creative consultant.

My baby girl Krysia, who at only one year old became a fan of Daria (indicating her appreciation by dropping whatever she was doing to watch the show whenever the theme song came on). By the age of sixteen months, she was pointing at the image on the screen and saying "Dar-yah". She didn't help much with this story, but what's a list of credits without a few people who didn't really contribute?

All the webmasters who posted this story, and all my readers.

  
**DISCLAIMERS:**

Daria and associated characters are the property of MTV which, in turn, is the property of Viacom. Characters are used without permission. The fact that MTV and Viacom are aware of Daria fan websites with fanfic content and choose not to take action against such sites is taken as implicit permission to use their characters in stories such as this one.

This story is Copyright 2002 by Mike Yamiolkoski and may be distributed freely only in its entirety and with the above notices intact.

**Contact the author at MikeYamiolkoski@msn.com. Comments, reviews, and particularly ILLUSTRATIONS are always welcome!**


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